Good Morning everyone.
I’m sorry that you’re all needing to be here, that means you’re probably feeling the same way I do right now. Sending lots of love and hugs
Where do I begin? Last week one of my closest friends committed suicide. She had been in and out of hospital for a couple of years following a breakdown after her beloved pet died. So it wasn’t completely unexpected but I always hoped she would come out the other side. I raised money whilst she was in hospital to pay for treats for her, everything from makeup to paying for her hair to be done. The day she had her hair done from this was the last time I saw her. Unfortunately this was about a year ago. Truth is I wasn’t able to be there for her much in recent times as my own mental health was suffering following a cancer scare. I keep thinking what if I’d have reached out. What if I’d have been there for her more than I was. Part of me knows it wouldn’t have made a difference because she’d made her mind up long before I took a step back, but I also keep thinking it could have stopped it…
I’m binge eating, barely sleeping, when I do sleep I have dreams about her tw…
Ending her life, then last night I had the exact same dream but it was my mum rather than my friend. This has really messed me up, I spent the last 2 days crying but feeling a little more like I was starting to accept it / come to terms with it, but this has knocked me back 10 steps and I’ve spent the morning crying to the point I’ve had to take another day off of work. My husband is understanding but also seems slightly annoyed that I’ve taken another day off (we both are decently paid, it’s crap but it’s not going to make us struggle). He said he felt better for work yesterday however he works with people and I’m in an office alone, and I worry I’d go to work, sit spaced out, or constantly crying, and I don’t think it would be productive both professionally and to my mental health.
I have booked an appointment with my GP but I don’t know if there’s anything there’ll be able to offer thanks to covid. Im already on antidepressants so I’m slightly unsure what would be the next step.
I don’t even know what I’m hoping for by typing this out, I just needed to get it all out somehow. And if someone does happen to see this and is able to reply then it will be an added bonus.
Thank you for reading me babble. Sorry again that you all had to join here too