I lost my partner 5 weeks and 2 days ago, suicide, only 49
I feel physically sick, depressed, isolated.
The hardest part is the isolation and loneliness.i just don’t know what I’m doing

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Hello, I just read your post and just want you to know I’m one of many people on this site who can hear what you’re saying. I haven’t lost anyone close to me to suicide but my close friend lost her father in this way. I know how traumatic, devastating and heartbreaking it is. Please keep writing here, you are not alone. If you would like to write more about what you’re going through, I’m here to listen. Grief is a painful, lonely place …you can write on here and nobody is emotionally attached. I’m here if you need a chatx


Hi Alana, yes please do keep writing on the forum. There are many others who feel like you do & you’re right about the lonelines & isolation being so incredibly hard. The forum has helped me over the last 4 years. Do you have any family or friends nearby you can reach out too? Take care

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Sorry for your loss and I too understand the loss of someone to suicide. It adds a different dimension to grief although anger guilt loneliness come in all grief. Talking and sharing helps and though no answers a listening ear can help.

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Hi Alana, I lost my partner of 52 to suicide 20 months ago. To begin with you feel numb not knowing what to do and the ultimate question of why!!! Unfortunately the hardest thing you never get the answer, and believe me that is so hard. You go through so many emotions and some days you just don’t know how you will carry on, but you do. Please surround yourself with people who can help you because you will need the support. With time you learn to deal with it but the love for them never fades. I am sending you my love .


Hi Alana
I too lost my partner to suicide on New Years Day this year. She was only 43. I can appreciate the massive swing in emotions and feelings which you are probably experiencing now. You will never get over this but you will begin to learn how to get through it for example, I am only just becoming able to look back at photographs without breaking down and appreciating the fond memories.
Everyone’s experience of bereavement is very individual, so if other people try to tell you how you should be coping, remember you are a special individual.
Take it one day at a time for now and be gentle on yourself.


His funeral was yesterday, exactly 7 weeks to his passing away.
It was very difficult, as I never knew his family, nor they me, as my partner was estranged from them, I had only ever seen them once or twice for a few minutes, sort of 'hello/goodbye, the then the next time I met them was when he was in a coma, pretty emotional stuff all round
I felt extremely isolated and as though I didn’t belong at his funeral, and was intruding on their grief, although they was very kind and thoughtful towards me.
Although I had the support of my children, and they do feel sad, but he wasnt their father so therefore it’s been much easier for them to deal with, especially being adults with their own lives.
I’m finding it extremely difficult to get motivated and do stuff , I find I’m just sitting staring into space all day, which I know isn’t a good thing.
I have no one to share the mourning with, and that’s extremely hard.
So far this year, including my partner I’ve lost 3 people within 4 days of each other, and tomorrow I am expecting/know I am going to hear some really bad news.
Life is very tough for me right now. x

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Hi Alan a
I am so, so sorry to hear you have all this bereavement to deal with and such tragic circumstances. I know that staring into space thing, it’s like you simply cannot function. It’s such a shame that you can’t talk with his family, I really needed to hear people talking about my mum, I have got comfort from that. I wonder if Priscilla can put you in touch with some local support with other people who know exactly what you’re going through? Grief is such a lonely place and I’m sure that coping with losing a loved one to suicide must be so traumatic. So many unanswered questions? How long had you been together? I am thinking of you today, as you say more bad news is coming. Sometimes just getting through an hour, let alone a day, is a challenge. My heart goes out to you. Keep writing on here, don’t feel alone, from Clarex

I lost my amazing wife only 6 days ago to suicide, its feels to me like no one else could possibly be going through the level of grief I am, I feel like an empty vessel and just cant see a way forward, like I said I know it is very early days but that doesn’t help in the here and now, we were together for 25 years and she was only 49.

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Shock and disbelief, blurs any thought of a way forward, I’m just sitting here thinking, like I do everyday, but I my thoughts are still blurred, I’m just going through the motions day to day, I have no interest in anything, the tv is on, I don’t have a clue what I’m watching, but I do find this site helpful. I’m just sitting here looking at his photo, thinking back to exactly 8 weeks ago when he was in the bath, and told me he’d overdosed and what he’d taken 18 hours earlier. I knew then that he would have to be very lucky to survive, such a waste,

The grief, shock and disbelief, is unbearable. I’m just sitting here, like I do everyday, just sitting here, but this site does help me , I hope it helps you too.
Take care x

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My wife Sharon has lived with Chronic back pain for 10 years, she had 2 lots of Neuro surgery and was told 2 years ago there was no further medical treatment available. She immersed herself by helping absolutely everyone and when asked about her back she would say there are people a lot worse off. The pain must have got all to much to bear and she took her own life last Monday.
I am currently feeling selfish because all I want is my amazing Sharon back even though she was obviously in extreme pain.
I feel lost and empty and just cant see how I’m ever going to move forward

So sorry for your loss and the shock of your wife taking her own life. Have no words to make sense of this except as you have said she is now free from the pain which she could no longer cope with.

You’re not being selfish, you’re in shock, and disbelief. I thought I’d try the ‘moving forward’ bit, but you can’t because it’s too soon. Just go with the flow of your emotions, don’t push yourself , one day at a time, I just wish I could listen to my own advice !
Someone replied to me on here, and they said losing someone to suicide, is a completely different dimension of grief… How right they are !
They also said be kind to yourself, I hope you can too x

Thanks Alana
How true you are, how come we can hand out advice we know to be true, but cant take that advice ourselves.
As for emotions, I cant believe how many you can have and how varied in just one day.

I sold my car today (far too big and expensive to run) I was so upset to see it go, although I’ve bought a smaller cheaper car, parting with the old one upset me so much , as it was ‘our’ car. I feel like I’ve lost another little part of ‘us’.
I’ve not stopped crying most of the afternoon x

I can fully understand its also like the new car is something you have but he will never see. Heartbreaking, I am not looking forward to facing change

Our worlds have stopped, we have to remember we have not only lost our partners, we have also lost our way of life, almost like being made redundant with no skills to go forward with.
Just deleting the programmes he’d recorded on sky, made me so upset, and now I’m just sitting here again just wondering what to do ???

I teach at a secondary school and I loved having all the holidays to spend with Sharon, I’m already thinking about the 6 week summer break and what the heck am I going to do not to mention evenings and weekends

You’ll still be grieving, but ever so slightly less in intensity. I wonder what I’ll be doing in the future, not that I can actually envisage one right now, but every day is a step into the future, as long and drawn out the days are , they are a step into the future.
I feel that since his funeral last week, my grieving changed, still intense but different, maybe the harsh reality of life alone has kicked in, so I decided to change my routine from the one I had when he was here, which now means , I eat at the right time ( don’t know how as I have no appetite), I bath at the same time each evening instead of late at night…it’s a very subtle change, but it seems to help me, I also sit in his chair, I find its better than just staring at it.

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