Alana, Does it get less tormenting after the funeral, I’m just sat in Sharon’s little home office shaking and rocking back and forth, I managed to take the remaining pain meds back to the pharmacy this morning and burst into tears when I saw the lady behind the counter knew Sharon.
I’ve also realised that when I have come back home I have spent all my time in Sharon’s little office, I only ever stuck my head in the door before to tell Sharon it was time to stop work, ive probably spent over 25 hours in it in the last week and 10 mins in the rest of the house.
I just sit here staring at the walls.
I still cant believe my princess is gone.
Grief is something that doesn’t go away but you learn somehow to get through. It’s natural to go through all you are doing and trying to feel close and get back the memories. Talking and letting out your feelings is part of getting through. Sharon still lives through you as you are keeping her memory alive. The funeral is the next step for you but won’t change your grief overnight. Just try to make it a fantastic celebration of your love for each other. Remember no right or wrong way to grieve. Thinking of you, Sharon and the family xx
Richard, tomorrow will be extremely difficult but you do find the strength within. Sharon would be extremely proud of you but she is with you at all times because she is in your heart. Remember the good times because these are the memories which get you through the bad times. Sending you a big hug
You might find it different after tomorrow, the finality of it all , no running about to do, sorting through papers , officialdom etc.even more emptiness than you feel now , What happened to me was after the funeral and the days that followed, I finally accepted everything, the events leading up to him taking his own life, the fall out that followed, the funeral drew alone under it all, and for me that’s when the grief changed, didn’t get better, but it changed, I had to accept that I was going to feel it for the unforeseeable future, nothing in the world can change that. So I was ‘kind to myself’ I went with my emotions , and they very slowly became less unbearable. If I felt like having a meltdown I had one, these have become less often, but then the tiniest of things can set you off on one, it’s all very natural, par for the course so to speak.
Tomorrow will be 11weeks since he died, and 4 weeks since his funeral. The pain of loss is awful, but not as unbearable, I think one of the worst things is when you ask why did it happen ? we will never know , accepting that fact, was for me, a turning point for a different way of life. The future scares me, but it’s one day at a time. It like sailing in unchartered waters, but gradually you will find a new routine for yourself and Sharon’s memory, if staying in her little room gives you comfort, then try sleeping in there if it’s possible.
Deal with tomorrow and the days that follow, then find that new routine x
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Thank you all so much, this forum is such a help, its just so sad that we had to find it. I was thinking I was losing my mind because I spend so much time in her little room, but your right if it gives me comfort then why not, I could use it as a quiet little lounge in the evenings, thank you Alana I was beginning to think is was an unnatural thing to do.
The thing I am dreading most is seeing Sharon approaching the crematorium in the hearse, it wouldn’t be wrong for me to wait in the family room until the hearse arrives would it? I just cant bear the thought of seeing her coming up the long drive.
Fi, your right she is in my heart and rubyrip, she does still live through me, thank you all so much, I know you are going through the same thing, but please take comfort in that you are really helping others.
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Again, do what you want not what you think others think you should do is the only advice I can give. I lost my mum not partner and to dementia not suicide so a whole different set of circumstances but the raw pain of grief is what we have in common but that is also different for every one. The worse thing I believe is pretending you are OK to make others feel better there is no shame in grief and friends are those who hug and cry with you. X
Wait where you feel safest and able to deal with the situation, forget protocol. When my nan died my mum could handle the church service, but had to wait in one of the cars when we got to the crematorium, as it was too difficult for her to deal with.
Tomorrow is about Sharon , and you dealing with what you can, there is no right or wrong way, and the if you can’t face people the family room sounds like a good idea.
Maybe a diazepam late tonight might take the edge off things tomorrow, I hope you find the calm I felt on the day of my partners funeral, I will be thinking of Sharon and yourself tomorrow. X
Your right I have been trying to be strong for family, and I end up going for drives and cant stop crying when I am by myself, I know this might sound strange but I know I loved Sharon with every fibre of my body, but I still cant believe just how much I miss her.
Thank you all for thinking of me today, it all starts at midday, I’m going home now to be with Sharon in her little office snug before I get ready, I will catch up with you later.
Many thanks for your thoughts love Rich x
Good luck, be kind to yourself. My thoughts will be with you x
Thinking of you and Sharon…x
Hi, I was remarkably calm today, I cant explain it, it was nice to hear all the nice things said about Sharon.
I am currently at home for the first night since this all begun a month ago, I thought I have to do it at some point. Im not looking forward to an empty bed.
Lets see how tomorrow goes
I said you’d feel that way and I’m glad you did. A little less stress, things will become less blurred, as for me a whole day of despondency and disconnection, I can’t explain it, but gotta go with it x
I still miss having Sharon to talk to, kiss and cuddle, I know what you mean about simple things like TV choices
I understand completely, and it takes time to get used to, I now sleep on his side of the bed, it makes it sort of make me feel closer to him. In 21 minutes he will have been gone 11 weeks, I’m looking back and thinking how much has changed without me even noticing,today I was asked how I was feeling , like I said earlier, I feel disconnected and despondent, just going through the motions, but I prefer it to being an emotional wreck x
I am glad it went as well as it could do today. Staying in the house will be difficult especially the first couple of nights but it will get slightly easier
Sharons funeral was 1 month almost to the hour. I know what you mean, I would rather be on autopilot than what I was feeling yesterday, I had a panic attack that lasted most of the day
How were your sons ? , are you alone tonight or did friends stay over ?
My son Harrison is here tonight with his mate who has come for the weekend, they have both gone to bed as they are shattered. Between the crematorium and church it was 11am till 5.30PM including traveling. I think I will need to take diazepam as I’m not tired at all. My other Son seems OK his partner really helped him
Well I’m up late if you want to talk, I’ve got to wait for my son to get in.