Summer sunshine and grief

So as I sit on the beach listening the soft dull waves wash against the shoreline in the brilliant sunshine trying to come to terms with my new normal and the loss of robbie.
It’s been 12 weeks and I still feel like I am going around in circles. The thought of feeling like this for ever scares me. The grief nightmares the waves of sudden saddeness and emotion.
He had a brain tumour removed 2 years ago and was doing so well and an mri last November was all looking good. This year he started having mini seizures we just thought they needed to adjust his medication, by Easter he had bigger fits two weeks apart. The mri showed some changes, we saw a consultant on April 22nd and found out his brain cancer had returned. Devistatly it was larger and eggressive and non treatable our world fell apart as we know it. Robbie passed away 10 days later.
We had no time to except or plan, we cryed and cuddled everyday but I didn’t exspect it so soon. He had a seziure that evening and when I woke up at 3am he in was in a coma. He died at 4.15am.
I am grateful he had no clue and didn’t t suffer and we had the best life together.
But my god I question Where is he now, how will I ever be me again, how will I ever do the rest of my Life with out his Love, effection, gorgeous smile and infectious laugh. We had so many plans and dreams and he was my happy ever after. Its his 40 thbirthday next week I just keep question. Why this happened to us and me.

I can relate to what you’re saying. I’m so sorry that you’re on this journey too. My husband was 50, went out for a run and never came back. We’re still waiting to find out why 4 months later.
It may be worth trying counselling - I’m having some - and talk to your GP, mine was very supportive as had gone through a similar loss.
I try to keep going for my children but, like you say, it’s hard to think about however long we have left without the love and support of someone who was so special and knew us so well. I often have times when something is difficult or new and I just think that I don’t have the strength to keep on doing this. People say don’t think about the future just focus on getting through each day but I hope that gets better as I don’t want of future of just ‘getting through each day’. Sending hugs

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I was under the doctor and had councilling for a while but maybe I should have some more. That’s for taking the time to reply.

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