Last night I felt ok, slept quite well, but this morning the pain is unbearable. I’m aching to see my dad again, looking at pics and imagining how a year ago we would have gone for a coffee and a chat on a Sunday. The finality and permanence has really hit me this week and I’m dreading upcoming family birthdays etc without him. Others seem able to face these things with courage but I don’t seem to be made that way. I worry that I’ll never come to terms with it.
Hope you all have as good a Sunday as you can.
Love you and miss you, Dad. 
5 Likes
Dear @Jack3
Everyone’s grief journey is different. We all act differently and grieve differently. Grief is not a race and it is a personal journey to you. It is a tough horrible journey to be on and hard and we all here understand the pain of losing a loved one. In time you learn to accept your dad is not coming back and will come to terms with it. It does not mean you forget him as he will forever be in your heart.
Be gentle with yourself and take one day a time and continue to reach out here at any time. You are not alone as we are all here for you.
Take care.
Pepsi
3 Likes
@Jack3, when my dad passed away I was lucky to be there by his bedside, holding his hand when he left. As @Peppers has already said, you are not alone, we are here for you should you need us.
3 Likes
@Johnch Thank you for taking the time to reply, John. It helps so much to read other grieving people’s stories on here and to hear their words of support. I was also fortunate to be with my dad and hold his hand as he passed. That does bring me some comfort, but my dread of life without him is so intense, even though my head knows others have been through the same thing since time began.
Thanks again, and I hope you have a positive day today. Best wishes, Jack.
1 Like
Hi Jack,
I can relate to your post. I miss my dad all the time but nighttime and the morning is the worst. Each new day feels like a slap in the face that my dad’s not here. I keep myself busy throughout the day and then the sadness cycle repeats.
People told me the ‘firsts’ without dad would be difficult. A lot of these ‘firsts’ seemed to come in close succession for me. I lost dad in November then it was Christmas (horrible), New Year (unbearable sadness), Dad’s birthday in Jan, Mums birthday early Feb and mine mid Feb. These all felt like sad occasions and no one cared to ‘celebrate’. On dad’s birthday all I could think about was the year before we were celebrating his 70th and we were in happy bliss. Now he was gone, how can it happen? I went for a meal with my mum and my brother as I know dad would have liked us to be together. I got him a card and in the evening I took a walk and spoke to him (sounds odd but it helped a bit).
I managed to take mum out for lunch and coffee to mark her birthday but my birthday was horrible. I cried all morning and I just wanted my dad.
I unfortunately find that everything right now feels like something to dread, mostly because dad was such a big part of my life and everything reminds me of what I’ve lost. March looming makes me feel sad as we would normally be looking forward to the lighter nights and we were on holiday last march and I was happy. Every new month brings the ‘this time last year dad was here and we were doing this’ thoughts and then the sinking feeling sets in.
In terms of family birthdays I would just try and get through the day and not put too much pressure on yourself. It is unrealistic that these would be happy occasions so soon after losing your dad.
You are not alone in how you feel. I have a constant feeling of unease and sadness and I’m not sure if this will ever fade. I have questioned if there is something wrong with me as the grief is horrendous but as cliché as it sounds I think the grief represents the love and bond that you have with the person and unfortunately this may be the price we pay. I just try to get through each day as my dad would tell me to do this.
Xx
2 Likes
Hi @Katherine86 and thanks for replying. Yes the mornings are awful for me too. Every day I wake up with that lurch of pain, and dread of another day of this hell. I used to wake up looking forward to the day ahead (mostly!)
My dad was also a huge fan of the spring and summer. He hated the cold and loved to see the days getting longer and warmer, and would make plans for days out or just a trip to the local coffee shop that had tables outside. He’d always make me smile with his excitement when the long range weather forecast suggested a warm dry spell. Now the onset of spring is just another source of pain.
Thanks for your advice on family birthdays. I’m just worried about crying and spoiling it for everyone else. Of course everyone is grieving, but I seem to ne the only one who can’t hold back the tears.
Thanks again for your reply. I always look out for your posts as I can relate so well to how you feel. Take care of yourself. Jack. x
1 Like
@Jack3 thank you for your reply. Me and my dad were both close and far. We were both Taurus which meant “Stubborn” we would argue black and blue even if it was red! I miss that so much but he is always there for me if I need him.
1 Like
Birthdays are tough, I always used to call my mum (if I wasn’t with her) at the time I was born and just recently, on my birthday, was the first time I couldn’t and I was heart broken. I miss her so much every day but times like that make me regress in this grieving process.
It helps reading on here from everyone and realising what I’m going through is shared by many others, for example : talking to mum, the regression to feeling like a lost child, the “waves” of sadness catching you unaware, what to say when asked if you are ok… normally “good days & bad”, not understanding my siblings reaction to losing mum (so different to me), still not able to remove all her clothes, remembering the exact time on the same weekday that she passed and shedding a tear.
Trying to the new “normal” like everyone else here. Thinking of you all.
2 Likes
Hi jack3,
Just want to say I just read your post and feel exactly like you do .
As soon as I wake up I am filled with the horrible feeling of dread.Thecrealisation that I can’t phone or see my mum as gain in overwhelming and I have cried every day sometimes for hours and hours since she passed on Dec 30 th last year. Like you I am dreading certain days and mother’s day coming soon . I always took my mum out on mother’s day so how I will cope this year is anyone’s guess.
I have found making a list of a few things to do on a daily basis has helped me
They are small things Noth much just little things to keep busy . I have also set up an area in the lounge with a photo of my mum with fairy lights etc around the photo.These things may not be any good for you but just wanted to share what I have done.I have lost my confidences once losing my mum so don’t want to leave the house. I haven’t been outside my house in ten days soi am trying to keep myself busy within the house.
I don’t think we ever come to terms with what has happened. My expectation is we will just learn to live with it but life certainly for me will never be the same again.She was my life so it never wil be the same.
Try to sleep whenever you can and don’t worry if it’s not at night As you can see it’s 4 .20 am here and I am wide awake .I shall sleep tom sometime.
You do have courage believe me because you have found this site and reached out.Thatvtakes courage.A lot of courage.I bet there are m as my people who haven’t had the courage to write anything yet but have read the posts and gained strength from other people’s posts.I know I did before I had the courage to write anything
Am thinking about you
Deborahx
1 Like
Thanks Deborah @seychelles I really appreciate you replying. Today has started in much the same way as yesterday, everyone says you learn to live with it but I don’t see any prospect of that, even long-term. It feels like the good years are over, now I have to face bad years forever. I picture him and hear him everywhere I go, I just know exactly what he’d say in every situation. It’s a relationship like no other - best friend, eternal supporter, wise counsel, and the person who has known you and loved you deeply since day one. Suddenly facing decades without that is terrifying. I honestly don’t know how people do it. It feels like all I’ll ever be able to do now is function like a robot, no joy, no contentment, just exist and shed rivers of tears in private.
Thanks for the advice, it makes a lot of sense. Hope you get some sleep today, and I’ll be thinking of you too. Take care of yourself, Jack x
1 Like
Hi Jack,
How are things with you? Yes totally agree it’s like being a robot.
I slept most of the day as I didn’t sleep a wink last night my body clock is all up the creek…I am just existing getting through each day the best I can with my little list of to do things The pain is terrible and I can’t even think about the future yet. I don’t know where to start even thinking how I will carry on.Like you I picture my mum everywhere and in every aspect of my life.
I want to collect her ashes from the undertaker but can’t even bring myself to do that.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
@seychelles Hi Deborah, hope the clouds have lifted a little for you today and you’re managing to regulate your sleep a bit better. It’s been another day of just functioning for me, putting one foot in front of the other and somehow I’ve arrived at the evening again. It amazes me how slowly time seems to be going now. In the good times, the weeks raced by, but now every day feels like a long, painful slog. I’ve got some things to sort out in my dad’s finances, but I’m going to do them in stages rather than attempt to do it all at once - in the past I could probably have done it all in an hour or two, but grief really slows down your brain and affects your mental energy & ability to focus. How’s your appetite? For me, in the early weeks I was barely eating anything at all, but now I’m eating a lot of junk, especially at night. I’ll have to keep an eye on it, but for now I don’t care.
Look after yourself and keep in touch. Jack x
H i Jack
Same here really Just getting through the day. Didn’t sleep last night so felt worse today Yes am eating junk food Cant be bothered to make meals to be honest.
I still have a few financial things to sort for mum . have transferred most to my name and paid a few bills for her but still the gas to be sorted and something else I forget what now.
I am going to her house tom so will check for mail etc
All horrible days and times
Deborah x
1 Like