Hello everyone, feeling very nervous at posting my first message, hope i get it right.I am supporting a dear friend whose husband died at the beginning of May. Alongside their family i helped nurse him until he was fortunate to get a bed in a local hospice for the last week of his life. I’d like to add, he was our friend as well . I would like to ask, what have other people whose loved ones have died,what do they find the most useful in terms of support from their friends. ? I see my friend regularly, talk most days and she knows she can call in or ring me anytime day or night. She does call me when shes on a down days and we discuss all sorts of things. Basically i listen , and am there for her. I have advised her small steps with anything ,and not to feel pressurised into doing things or putting herself in to situations she is not ready for yet . Anymore suggestions please gratefully received from those that truely know. Thankyou
Hi, it sounds like you’re a kind and supportive friend. Everything you’ve mentioned is exactly what is needed. I think the important bit is listening to your friend and anticipating the rollercoaster of emotions. It’s also important that your friend feels able to talk freely as time goes by. So many grief stricken people feel there’s a time limit on how long they can ‘burden’ friends with their sorrows. Best wishes to you all, as obviously you’ll be grieving too. Take care xx
You sound like a fabulous friend Listening and being there is so important Remember you can’t rescue people from grief They have to go through the whole experience and you can’t change that Just be there and be yourself
Thankyou Rosiepink for your kind words and reassurance. My friend is already coming across people who are surprised by how she is and therefore she feels she should be moving on quicker than what she is. Yes you are right, i am grieving too for a kind lovely friend. Once again thankyou. X
Hi Stranger 1. Thankyou very much for your very useful reply and kindness . You made a very important point about not being able to rescue those going through grief. I must admit i am a person that likes to make things better, I won 't win this one will i?, But hopefully make it a little more bearable. Thankyou for your wise words.
Hi your friend is very lucky to have such a caring & kind friend like you in her life at this sad time.your are there for her 24/7 which means a lot.also to listen which is invaluable.