Supporting family

One of my sons and his two children live with me. When I am feeling emotional about my husband not being here it inevitable upsets everyone else. We try to support each other but I feel as though I am suppressing my feelings for their sake.

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Hello Prebsue, it is so difficult trying not to show your grief in front of family members. Our son lives next door and I’ve tried really hard not to cry in front of him but sometimes he’s come round unexpectedly and found me sobbing . So upsetting for all of us and not a chance of a hug , even. Do you have friends you can talk to, I find it easiest to talk to a couple of friends who have also lost their husbands, so understand. Nobody can until
it’s happened to them and the trouble with our families is that they desperately want us to be all right, but we can’t be. Sending lovex

We all grieve in different ways ,the most important thing is that we do. How we grieve is different and when we grieve is also different there is no right way or right time . We have to remind ourselves that just because someone doesn’t show their sadness that they are not suffering but likewise we also have to be mindful that our grief can show at anytime and we need to be prepared for that. Children are quite adaptable and more accepting than adults . It’s equally important they know and understand at a level of their understanding about what’s happened and why that person is no longer with us physically. I suppose what I’m saying is please don’t bottle up your emotions long term that won’t do you any good it shows you cared and loved that person . Sending hugs take care

Hello Kazzer, thank you for that kind reply. You’re right but it’s so painful seeing others upset and not being able to comfort them, I think that’s the problem. Because we can’t give and receive hugs it somehow feels like a bit of a shutdown.both physically and emotionally . Sending love x

Thankyou bjane and Kazzer. Good words of advice and support. We are going through a good patch at the moment but my son is really missing his dad, they did a lot together. It is hard to keep him motivated sometimes but I realise I must let him take his time.

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