Supporting my friend when grieving myself

My best friend has just lost someone who was like a mother to her. I feel her sadness so so much, only because I have been there too.
I lost my beautiful dad about 18 months ago and I am still grieving him. I don’t think I’ll ever stop but I have found it really hard to support my best friend.
Every message or phone call also makes me want to disappear again, or crawl back into a dark place.
I desperately want to be here for her but I can’t get my dad out of my head when she talks of how things went for her.
It’s hard to not compare our stories, when relating to them is actually what is helping her the most. But it’s opening up a hole of despair I was finally learning to close after my dad.
I love her so much but it’s making me so sad. She is aware that I am feeling a bit of this but she is in that stage where she needs someone who knows and cannot think of anything else (rightly so)

I don’t want to pull away but I need to compartmentalise our experiences to stop myself getting so worked up again about my own loss when she is acutely going through hers.
What can I say?

Hello @Bella2

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. It’s completely understandable that in supporting your friend, it is bringing up your own feelings of grief. You sound very caring, but your emotional wellbeing is really important too so well done for recognising this. You might wish to share our Online Bereavement Support page with your friend as there are options for getting further support as well lots of support pages on coping with grief which she may find helpful.

I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,

I have the same problem with my friend we have been friends for over 30yrs.
My husband died suddenly end of June due to a massive heart attack whilst on holiday. A month later my friend husband died of cancer, at first we seemed to concentrate a lot on my friend husband and if l mentioned my hubby she would bring it back to her husband.
So I just said to her one day “it’s not a competition, we should help each other. I don’t think she had really thought about it before. Sometimes she still does it so to be honest I just go quiet and keep my thoughts to my staff. The difference between me and my friend is that l have no family to talk to. I am on my own now