Hi, I am husband to someone who recently lost their mother, she is struggling a lot with the grieving and I wanted any advice to try and help her along this journey.
Hi stevewinx, my wife went through a lot of problems after her mother died. I didn’t realise at the time how a bereavement can be so difficult until my wife died last Christmas.
We found a therapist who help my wife, she was a specialist in bereavements and my wife got on very well with her which is important. We tried a couple before but they didn’t help. My wife and I also found a priest who gave her comfort. We had him over for lunch a couple of times and he gave her another view of things.
These moments in life often open an opportunity to bring you even closer to your wife as she needs your support.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
1 Like
Thanks Tom, I really appreciate the advice and the response. I will definitely look into the therapy.
1 Like
Hi, I lost my mother 23 years ago to cancer. Both my sister and myself were very upset. Therapists can help but I found just having my partner to lean on helped me the most. He was a huge comfort to me. Unfortunately he died seven a half months ago and I’m on the grief road again. I still have my sister but I’m finding it very hard to get over his death.
2 Likes
Hello @stevewinx
I think it’s amazing that you’ve reached out for advice on here, you are obviously a very supportive husband and want to do everything you can to help your wife at this horrible time, I am sorry for the loss of your mother in law.
I lost my mum a few months ago, and my husband has been a great support, so hopefully I can give you some perspective from my side as his wife of what helped me the most. We are quite young and recently married so I am the first of us to lose a parent.
The most important thing he has done to help me is just to listen, and to give me space to talk about mum when I need to. I can imagine it might feel like you are helpless when supporting a spouse through grief as it’s not something you can fix or take away for them, but by listening and paying attention to the small things that matter to me, he has made a huge difference to how I’m coping. Sometimes he will bring mum into the conversation, comment on something she would have liked or what she might have thought of something we are discussing, this helps me to feel she is still valued and still part of our lives and our memories.
He encourages me to feel all my emotions and let them out. He can’t do anything to stop me crying, but he can bring hot drinks, blankets, run me a bath - small things that make me feel loved and cared for. There’s a huge identify shift I think particularly for a woman losing her mother, it’s the loss of that primary attachment figure and sometimes it feels nice to have someone to take care of you in these small practical ways, as a mother might have once done.
He supports me accessing bereavement counselling and will ask me after a session if I want to talk about it, if I do want to talk, he lets me air it out.
We try to laugh when we can - this is so challenging but so important, sometimes laughter turns to tears but that’s okay and laughing together reminds me that we are still capable of feeling the lighter side of things, it’s a welcome break from the weight of grief.
Ultimately however you show up for your wife I’m sure she is so grateful for your presence and support. There is nothing you can do to bring back her mum but you can look after her and help her to process her emotions and honour her mum’s memory. Wishing you all the best in your journey and sending love to your wife 
1 Like
Hi Pheobe, lovely post. You obviously have a lovely husband too.
Wishing you both a happy life.
All the best
Tom
2 Likes