Surreal moment

I’m having one of those surreal moments again where I just can’t accept my wonderful partner isn’t coming back to me, I can’t/don’t want to believe I’ll never, hold, kiss, talk to, just be with her ever again, it is killing me!!

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Emz I understand totally it just seems unreal that we have got to live our lives without ever seeing our loved ones again.
Cant put into words that feeling.
My love and hugs to you.xx xx

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Hi @Emz. I too lost my husband in November. I have stable days (there are no ‘up’ days) and down days and this evening has been a down one. I really wanted a cuddle from my husband today and it hurt so much. He was a big bloke and gave lovely big cuddles. I miss him so much. I’ve cried and cried tonight. I’m so sorry for your loss. Big cuddle to you xx. Jean.

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I relate to this every day , I can’t believe he has gone . I have a reoccurring dream that he is out there but I can’t get hold of him . I ask people if they have heard from him and for a split second when I wake up I wonder if it could be real . I know it isn’t but it hurts all over again . I’d do anything for one last cuddle or to tell him how much I love him. I don’t want a world without him in it but unfortunately we have no choice but to carry on and adapt . Sending lots of love

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Hi jean i too list my partner in November. I am the same i have days im ok and days where i feel totally lost.yesterday was one of those days i cried and cried…today im in work which i feel is my saviour…it is very early days for us and i pray we fibd peace and contentment in the coming mon7ths take care

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I totally empathise Emz, it’s impossible to accept that we’ll never see, hold, kiss, or talk to our loved one again.
In the early days, it always seemed to me that my wife and I had somehow become separated; maybe in a foreign town, large marketplace or suchlike and try as we might, we just couldn’t find one another.
Even now almost nine months later, I still can’t come to terms with the fact that she’s lost to me for ever. I feel, she’s out there somewhere but I just can’t find her. Totally understand how you’re feeling.
Take every care, don’t be afraid to cry and please be kind to yourself.

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Hi yes it is the same for me,all the things you mention gone for ever,so unfair.I am still suffering after 16 months of being a widower,what a terrible word that is.Cancer took my love,my life,my hopes,my everything. Thinking of you Michael.

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Knowing you will never see them again is surely the worst feeling ever?
Every night I ask - where did you go?

G. X

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Me too all the time. Michael x

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All your words resonate with me so much. I always ask my husband: "Where are you? You must be out there somewhere. Someone like you, so dynamic, your enthusiasm, your willingness, your comfort, you were our light, our rock, you made everything happen, I’m here with our kids because of you. How can you just disappear into thin air like that? I do think I’m going crazy sometimes. I just won’t accept that I’ll never see him again, it just won’t sink in. I don’t associate the word ‘death’ with him, it doesn’t seem realistic. He’s just not here, or he’s here but we can’t see him.

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Oh my this is me as well.I could have written this .My emotions exactly.Where are you Judith.How can this be,gone for ever. Michael x

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Yes, it’s literally unbelievable isn’t it? I also think ‘this is the sort of thing that happens to other people, not me’ I guess that’s because my husband went very suddenly and unexpectedly x.

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Hi @Solost you have written exactly what I say out loud to my husband and the association with death also. I just can’t put the two together. You’re not going crazy … or we are all going crazy.X

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Agree totally with you all. It has made me think many times ‘What is the point of life on earth for humans?’
It seems so odd that you can be here one minute getting on with normal life then simply gone!

Then I decided the main point is to help and look after others and be kind. It is the only thing which lasts for them. I had a lovely card from a very old school friend who said that when a particularly awful teacher bullied her when we were 5 (1966) I had asked if she was OK. That is her abiding memory of it. I didn’t remember that particular incident, which shows you never know when a simple act of kindness will stay with someone for ever, even when it doesn’t seem a big thing for you.

Hoping to spread some kindred in this world while I’m still here. xxx

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