Surviving not living

It will be 10 weeks on Friday that I lost Lee to an aneurism. I have ok days, and I have awful days. I feel anxious and like I can’t settle a lot. I feel like I’m just surviving each day, and not living. I had a family party at the weekend and I was ok until I got home and then I felt so guilty that I had an ok time. I know I’m not doing anything wrong if I actually enjoy a situation, but the guilt is overwhelming, then for the next few days I feel like I’ve gone backwards, and can’t stop crying at everything. I miss Lee so much, I have no idea how I am supposed to cope with the rest of my life. Please tell me it gets easier. X


I wish I could hand on heart say it dose I’m 7 months in and hurts so much still now I hate waking up without my Kieran it shatters me it’s a really long road but we have to do it step by step at your own pace there’s no wrong or weight way on it thy way it works for you all the best and sorry for your lose xx


I’m 19 weeks in and it’s different, still sad, still hurts, the missing him is worse and I cry every day but it’s a deeper pain but there are brighter bits in between and some moments of normality.

It’s hard to explain. It hurts deeply but in a different way to the beginning.


@nily I feel your pain I lost my beloved from an aneurysm 5 weeks ago . I have three kids 6,13 and 15 . I feel all your pain and send you love and support x


@Nily its such a rollercoaster of emotions we are on

I’m 19 weeks in and find I’m very similar to how you explain. I have a good couple of days where I feel more positive Then I hit another low and can’t stop crying.
It’s good you went to the family party. You should feel proud of yourself for going not guilty.

I do hope it gets easier. On my good days I definitely feel more like my old self for a bit. I look at Everything I do is an achievement even if it may set me back a bit afterwards for a while


I know - you feel ok for a bit and then you just go backwards dont you ? I feel like ive lost my reason for living, my joy , my reason to go on ! Its just not the same anymore ! Whst about holidays ? Who i gonna go with now ? Apart from fact its so crap living by yourself!!! Thank god for my puppy otherwise dont think i would be here tbh x


Yes I’ve also lost my reason for doing anything. I go out and may even look like I enjoying myself but inside I’m just feeling sad and alone :disappointed:


Yeh you do dont you - you feel alone by yourself and alone when you go out ! X


Totally- alone in a crowded is how I describe the way I feel to people. Keep hoping one day it will be easier


Not that I want you to be feeling these things but I’m glad you e said this as it’s good to know I’m not alone in having these feeling.

I am on the same path as you and you’ve described the feelings perfectly. Feeling positive to despair, feeling some elements of your old self coming back then back to feeling very out of place.

I feel now that there a distance between myself and everyone else. I wouldn’t want anyone to experience this but until they do, they will never understand what it’s like and therefore there’s always this thing between you. I’m not explaining myself very well but hopefully you’ll get the jist lol.

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No I totally get what you mean. No one except those of this path understand what it’s like.