Tackling and still facing Sudden Death

Having one of those really awful Saturdays …
Eighteen months on and I still sob unshamefully some weekends, this one has been exceptional for no reason whatsoever except maybe it was a very hard working day yesterday (for a nearly seventy year old!) and I miss her on Fridays more than any other day
Ours was a long distance relationship that somehow really worked for over nine years, 80 miles each way, every weekend, ‘To You, To Me’ and for the first few years in cheap hotels here, there and literally everywhere until the kids left home!
I’ve been dwelling far too much recently on her sudden death. I said goodbye to her on a Friday morning when she went back home for urgent dental treatment that had been troubling her for months, even before Covid (she died five days before Christmas 2020), the last sight of my darling love was with tears running down her face in extreme pain, two days later, and a couple of really odd texts and a very, very brief chat, she was gone …
How do you prepare for that, no warning, just gone. Her family rather oddly we’re very dismissive of what she actually died from, took me well over a year to finally put that to rest when I requested a death certificate and finally knew …
They shut me out from the moment she died to now, think they we’re worried I was in for some of the inheritance, we didn’t mix with them very much, but that was totally her choice and decision, not mine, she’d always say, ‘They have me all week, weekend’s is just for us, especially Fridays, and this our Friday and it’s still Friday’
Crying reading this through again, when does the pain of hurt and anger stop
Admitted to my loving daughter yesterday that I wish i’d taken grief counselling like she did, think it could be time, don’t much like the person i’ve turned it to, and bless her heart, my Crissy would be horrified and upset to see and hear me like this so this first step will be for her


Hi I lost my mum and friend in a space of two years. Mum being the most recent November 2021. So I can’t compare those to losing a partner. Grief is grief no matter what the relationship has been. As regards to the anger and feelings.

That’s hard to say everyone’s different as far as timescales are concerned. I have had been through Cruses Bereavement Counselling. And it does help. Only thing is if your in a similar situation as me. Being alone and having no family or friends. It does become somewhat harder to cope.

From my experience at least. I had two lots because I lost my friend and my mum. They do the same here I see. I can relate to the waves of emotion and tears.

Hope that things improve for you take care much love :heart: Mark

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I lost my husband 5 days before Christmas 2019 suddenly & although I have come a long way I still get side swiped, Friday’s are the worst for me too as that’s the day he passed, but Fridays were also the start of our weekend. Even when you live together Monday To Friday is full of work & so weekends were precious. Derek had taken early retirement & I was retiring in March 2020, going to live our dream in Spain but that was snatched away. It’s hard but reaching out on here is a good move, everyone’s experience is different but we all have a common journey, that of grief. It helps reading that your feelings aren’t unusual, even if they feel that way, even when you think your feeling the most irrational thing, someone will have done it or thought it.
Take care & reach out :heart:


All loss is hard but I do think that sudden, unexpected deaths have another dimension to them for the bereaved.
It’s a bit like strolling along happily, then falling off a cliff as opposed to rolling, slowly downhill towards the edge of the cliff.
The effects of the loss are equally painful but the feeling of being shocked, stunned and in

disbelief take some getting past before you can even start to grieve.
It’s never too late for grief counselling @LittleLegs.
In fact, there is a school of thought that says if you embark on it too early it can be less beneficial than if you’d waited a little while post bereavement.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by trying counselling, in order to help with this sad part of life.
Good luck with it and I hope it helps you find some degree of peace.


I agree l have been unfortunate to lose both my daughter and in June this year my husband suddenly.

My daughter was nearly 22 and died suddenly through SUDEP that was 14 years ago and it has never left me. The feeling of not being able to come to terms with how life is so cruel.
My husband died in June suddenly via a heart attack whilst we were on holiday. He was my rock and soul mate. The only reason I am getting out of bed in a morning is for our Autistic son. If it was not for him l honestly would not see the point.


My heart breaks for your losses & hopefully this forum will help in some way towards the grief you’re suffering, as life is really is so unfair :blue_heart: Your son will get you through this & be there for each other, Sending a big virtual hug

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