Hi … thank you for replying. I wouldn’t expect you to know what to say … it’s like a horror film. I have always said I would prefer people to say they do t know what to say than say nothing at all. My grandchildren are a comfort but they are not my children … sounds odd I know but that is how I feel. I am glad we have them … my grand daughter is going to Oxford to study history next year … her dad would be so so proud of her. Thank you x
My eldest daughter is a History Lecturer and she applied to Oxford after leaving school but didn’t get in. She accepted that and got to go to UCL to read history. Some time later she found out she missed out by the smallest of margins and she was inconsolable. It would have been fine had she never known. You should be immensely proud of your granddaughter. That is a massive achievement. She will have the world at her feet. I do understand where you are coming from and I’m massively proud of all my kids but I think I can be just as proud of my grandkids. I see my late wife in all of them and I think that magnifies their achievements.
Thank you for sharing. You sound like a wonderful mum. Congratulations on your granddaughter getting into Oxford what an achievement!!! Hope you get the opportunity to go and visit as I’m sure you would enjoy that.
I wish you peace and strength. You sound like a very caring, lovely lady and I am so sorry for what has happened. Xxx
Thank you for responding … we are proud of her … she loves school and learning like her Dad did x
Thank you Teacups x
Hi
I lost my best friend and wife 16 months ago and although I have to 2 teenage boys and lots of family and friends about I remain feeling very sad and alone . I put a brave face on for people and remain strong for my boys but inside remain
Very sad and alone . Just keep observing the world carrying on as normal but don’t feel any part of the normal world outside .
Hi Jem thank you for your post. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I am relatively new to this having lost my loved one three weeks ago today. The feeling I am struggling with is constant nerves in my tummy but I can already sympathise with feeling that you no longer feel a part of the normal world outside. I don’t hold much hope that I’ll ever feel part of the normal world again - we’ve seen and felt things which have robbed us of naivity and pleasure, which I doubt can ever be undone. Thinking of you xxx
I know exactly what you mean and acknowledge that it is so incredibly raw for you . Only thing I would say is to keep going , I keep telling myself during the dark clouds that still appear each day that Susan would want us to keep moving forward and as she used to say make the best of each day. Still easier said than done but it does seem to give me that little bit of help occasionally to keep going. People keep saying keep hold of all your happy memories but these can be very painful too but realise only time can possibly help to heal our heartbreak and this situation is incredibly hard. Keep going Teacup with your loved one close to your heart I’m sure that will get you through and yes we are not alone with lots of people in very similar situations . Take care xx
I know exactly what you mean and acknowledge that it is so incredibly raw for you . Only thing I would say is to keep going , I keep telling myself during the dark clouds that still appear each day that Susan would want us to keep moving forward and as she used to say make the best of each day. Still easier said than done but it does seem to give me that little bit of help occasionally to keep going. People keep saying keep hold of all your happy memories but these can be very painful too but realise only time can possibly help to heal our heartbreak and this situation is incredibly hard. Keep going Teacup with your loved one close to your heart I’m sure that will get you through and yes we are not alone with lots of people in very similar situations . Take care xx
Thank you Jem. Your words of support and hope are very comforting xxx
I lost my nephew 29 August 2018 and he meant more like a son to me he was killed in hit and run on his motor bike , everyday I hurt like it’s the first day and sometimes dunno how I’m coping I can cry most of the time it’s like turning on a tap lol I take each day as it comes and at the moment I can’t even think of the future
I’m so sorry … my sons both died six years ago abd fifteen months ago … I still feel like it’s yesterday I had my hand in my sons chest as he took his last breath. It’s so so hard. I hope in time you can remember the happy times.
Hugs, Sue
Hello Teacup.
Apologies for late response,
I’ve only just come back to the forum after 8 months of absolute hell. I won’t go into details but I’m only just beginning to look over the parapet.
My feelings are frozen I just don’t have a spark even when I see my granddaughter, the image of her mother. Its so surreal.
I find I can’t cry now, due to medication ?, advised by my doctor. So I’m guessing I’m in limbo.
Would like to know if anyone else is on medication or going it alone. I’m in 2 minds as to what to do.
I know we are all different in the way we deal with life but I haven’t come across anyone in the same position as me.
Would welcome any thoughts. Thanks.
Hi June … I was like this on fluoxetine so I stopped it gradually. But now I am numb/frozen. I can cry about something sad on TV but not about my own sons. My first son died six years ago and my remaining son died just over a year ago. I have having counselling but it’s making it even harder. Have been diagnosed with PTSD/complicated grief. It’s teally really hard. My counsellor thinks I need some other form of therapy … EMDR I think alongside what she is doing. I have recently started taking St Johns Wort but am stopping it in case it’s to do with that. The counsellor thinks I am blocking my feelings because I am scared of falling apart and not being able to put myself back together again. My husband had a breakdown so hasn’t been able to be much support … I have had to give up my job to look after him.
Don’t know if that is any help. How long have you felt like that … can you identify with anything I said.
Sending you understanding and hugs xx. Sue
Hello again
Well talking to my husband he feels that I have improved over the last week on this different medication, Venlafaxine and Diazipan when I need it for anxiety.
I have had several episodes of depression over the course of my life all to do with loss. I lost my grandmother father and mother by the time I was 15.
At that time counselling wasn’t even thought of, I’m 65 , so it all came out when I was in my early twenties.
Over the following years the rest of my family have died the last being my brother 6 years ago and I lost my beloved horse a week later.
This time round it’s differant, the whole thing feels more overwhelming, not really surprising when Verity was the light of all our lives. There was over 600 people at her funeral.
We have a granddaughter who is the image of her mum and I used to dissolve every time I saw her but now I just feel I can’t cope. It’s so sureal
I’m staying with the meds , to be honest I’m functioning just and don’t want to take a step back.
It’s a waiting game. Would so like to have some motivation not just going through the motions.
I’m intending to go and see my horse this weekend , I’m hoping I will feel something apart from sadness.
Hope your counselling proves to be fruitful. All the very best wishes. June. X
Hi June,
Glad to hear that the meds are helping you. My husband takes meds and isok with them after two hospital admissions and numerous changes. So fingers crossed.
Yes I think the numbness is probably from multiple losses over time… just seems never e ding like waiting for the next person to die. I am 64 so the counselling does feel a bit alien to me but I think it may be helping slowly … not sure really.
Hope you enjoy time with your horse. It’s so difficult to find motivation isn’t it. You take care. Sue x
Hello Teacups, How are you getting on since your most recent loss? How kind of you to ask others to share their stories, while you are in your own time of mourning. Thank you.
I found this site one long, lonely, sleepless night shortly after losing my beloved younger sister 6 month ago. I was so desperate and alone, and was looking for anyone out there who might offer a supportive word. I found so many lovely people here, so I keep coming back. My sister died suddenly of complications from her cancer. She had done well for a year, and then took a turn for the worse in 48 hours. She was only in the hospital overnight, but died in the wee hours of the morning. It was two days before her birthday, and I held her hand as she slipped away from me. I have not been the same since. She was my everything, sister, friend, soul-mate, and our bond was unbreakable. I am lost and longing to share my every day events and hear of her day, as we used to. I still go to call or text her, and cannot accept that I will no longer have her to talk and laugh with. It was us against the world. Future? I cannot see one without her. I feel more like I have been “sentenced” to the rest of my life without my closest and most loved and trusted person. I have another older sibling, but she was not in our lives for 6 years before finding out my younger sister had cancer. She shows no concern for what I am going through, and has always resented my close relationship with my younger sister. Friends come and go, and work keeps me distracted, but part of me died too that night in the hospital. Thank you for listening, and my heart goes out to everyone here. I hope I can also be of help to all of you. Peace & Healing, Xx, Sister2
I subscribe to this forum because of the recent death of my adored wife. Let me tell you briefly of her experience of loss.
Her father died when she was eight years old. She was the youngest of eight siblings, having six brothers and a sister.
When her mother died, my wife was 24, had just arrived to accompany me abroad, and was unable to attend the funeral.
One by one, over many years, she endured the losses of each of her brothers, then about six years ago her sister also died.
She bore all this so very bravely. I am so proud of her.