I’m sitting here on a week off from work and I’m thinking. 15 weeks and a day, 106 days to be precise that my gorgeous husband left this dimension, the messy one with Covid-19 to contend with and I realised…
I am who I am because of him and the time we had together, my life is now because he was in it. My job, because he inspired me, my financial situation, (perception,im ok, still have to work but thats fine)because he left no mess, my love of life and my freedom and liberty because that is what we worked for together. My strength and positive baseline because we made it that way. My friends, my social life, my music all because his presence inspired me as I did him. My attitude towards equality and politics and my love for good and that everyone matters x all inspired and promoted by our relationship, our conversation, our beliefs and what we wanted for us, for both of us and as individual people. I am thankful for the times he told me how to drive, told me when I was being too emotional, told me when I was in the wrong and levelled my thinking outlining any unnecesary stress I may have felt x My time with him was amazing, never a dull moment with my quirky unique and wonderful man, my favourite person on this earth was there to ground me and to sadly leave me when his time came.
Without him, I would be in a different place but I would still choose to have that time with him. I am and will be forever thankful that he was in my life … I treasure every minute, every day, every second. I would not have chosen to be elsewhere at any point, regardless x
My love, my regard, value, thankfulness is overpowering and I’m sure others feel that too x I look around, I look back, I look forward and I treasure the significance and his meaning to me x
I feel, after a damning week where getting out of bed has been a struggle, where trying to take steps forward feels like I have a lead brick in my feet and stomach, where my shouders have been hunched and the pain has been unbearable. I step back and I am me because of him x
So much grief but so much love and appreciation x
I will be forever thankful to him x so very lucky x