The dangerous process governing suicidal thoughts

Having had serious clinical depression and acute anxiety over a 20yr period - but is now kept in check through a drug called Citalopram - I’m now as stable as I’m likely to get. For me it’s a genetic illness passed down through my mother. I attempted suicide just once in the distant past and what I experienced was this illusionary state of being.

I went into a trance like state that had been building up for days. My mind closed down and I felt nothing but a robotic need to just die and leave this awful world behind. Any thoughts of those who were being left behind and will suffer themselves never entered my head because all feelings and thoughts go numb. They simply don’t exist. You live in a void of nothingness other than to escape the pain and find peace. It becomes the most natural thing in the world to just bow out. There was almost an inner peace as I took the tablets and closed my eyes. But then I heard an inner voice from somewhere - but It wasn’t mine! It said " Is it OK if you die now Geoff ? " Suddenly I snapped out of this trance like state. This void of nothingness and opened my eyes and said NO! I called the ambulance and the rest is history. Having recently lost the love of my life, my soul mate of 50yrs marriage I’m aware that this dangerous and illusionary process might once again try to take me over. Im on my guard. So please don’t sit in judgement on those poor souls who carried their own death to completion. Its a process that can completely take you over. I was lucky. ‘The voice.’ where ever it came from, saved me doing something that to this day Im so grateful for. I live in emotional pain but perhaps that’s supposed to be part of our physical existance before we ’ Go back home.’ to spirit where we all emminated from. A dimension of love and forgiveness where our loved ones are waiting for us.

Love and Light Geoff.

Thank you Geoff for this timely piece. I feel privileged to have read such heartfelt and insightful words. I’m so sorry about what has happened to you and your wife. My loss is my Husband and anticipatory grieving for an elderly parent. I don’t have any wisdom to pass on I’m afraid, but Im sending you many compassionate thoughts.

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Thank you Tina for replying. Our grieving is so painful I know. And I too have no wisdom to impart to you. We all experience and cope with grief in our own unique ways so any advice is usually fruitless. The only condolances I have is to know that my soul mate is in a dimension of pure love and peace now having ridded herself of that old body which for too long had causes her suffering and pain.

Love and Light. Geoff

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