My parents are gone now nearly ten years. I am dealing finally with donating many things. My regrets are infused with them, however. Wonder if anyone else has this. As I get older, I see clearly how my actions in life must have pained them. But even if they are dead, my psyche does not get it. I say they are gone now, regret and pain they no longer have. But regardless, I get all twisted up and hurting from actions I did 20 years ago. It can be torture.
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Hi @berit
Sending hugs of support 
, we all do things when we’re young which, if we had known, or had had the experience to think about the effects of our actions, we would of done things very differently, but we can’t change the past, we can only learn from it. As hard as it sounds, be kind to yourself.
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Just know they loved you,and they forgave you,you’re their beloved child. They want you to live in peace & they feel happy when you’re happy.
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Oh how I led my parents a not so merry dance…
Mum n dad were the best providers but I wasn’t spoilt as an only child but I was wilful and determined to do my own thing.
I wanted a good time dancing at discos in Manchester and drinking wasn’t the culture in the very early 70s so I was never drunk.
I went off to Ibiza to live amongst the hippies n they were mortified as I gave up a good job in the bank but nothing would stop me.
As time went on and I grew up I spent lots of time with them and they knew I adored them as they did me.
I used to say to them that I lived the life I wanted and so had they and that they were the best mum n dad ever.
They were loved.
I always told my two sons to grow wings and fly and enjoy life because I would be there for them whenever they needed me.
We all have regrets but as parents we always love so your mum n dad loved you so no sorrow because there’s nothing we can do to change whatever we did…It’s life..!!
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willful …. a good word to describe it.