The death of my distant father...

I have lived in Australia for 38 years, my brother lives overseas too. My relationship with my 93 year old father was difficult over the years and the last time I spoke to him on the phone was August 2016, we had a friendly chat and he did not mention to me that he was very unwell. I seldom return to the UK. We were estranged in many ways. Last week I rang and found his phone disconnected. I googled his address and found that his house had been sold, his beautiful garden turned into a gravel patch. What had happened? I spent hours on the internet and eventually decided he would have gone to hospital. I located a local hospital and called their Bereavement Centre. The lady there was very kind, after asking extensive details she was able to tell me that my Father had died 18 months ago in the hospital. I had not been told, nor was my brother despite leaving my contact details with my Father and with the woman who was in charge of his things. I rang her and was met with an abusive tirade, stating quite awful things. I know her to be a woman of very dubious character as she had systematically drained my Father’s finances over the past 20 years and forced him into bankruptcy. He was a besotted old and lonely man. She was a taxi driver and he met her at the railway station on one of his journeys home. She also met other old men and drove them home. As a result this week has been devastating. The hospital will not let me see his records, I have appealed to their Legal Team. I am not allowed to see his Will as I am not the Executor. I am devastated. I feel just so upset even though we were estranged I still cared about him. I had sent several Christmas cards and birthday cards which she would have seen and still not told me. He was not a good father but I still find myself in floods of tears. I found out when his funeral was from searching a Twitter account. No mention would have been made of myself or my brother, his three grandchildren and five great-children here in Australia. My Father’s Ashes and a box of his belongings are with this woman and she is refusing to let me have them. Has anyone else felt like this. I did not have a good relationship with him but I did try and find myself so distressed to have found out about his death like this.

Hi LydiaS and welcome - I’m sorry you find yourself here, but hopefully you can find some support from others who understand what you’re going through.

It’s very sad to read that you weren’t notified of your father’s death and I’m sure this must make it very difficult to come to terms with. It also sounds like you have some legal difficulties and I do hope you can resolve this in time.

Even though you may not have been close, I can understand the shock of hearing of your father’s death after all that time must be very distressing and I do hope you can find some comfort here.

Take care

Thank you Nancy. I am in the process of attempting to find out what happened to my Father from over here in Australia. Not an easy task. Thank you for your kind words.

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