The Door

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come in and sup with him and he with me”. No, I am not going all religious on you, but those words have so much meaning, well to me they have. There is a painting associated with those words, I forget who by. It show a person standing at a door with no handle outside. The door must be opened from the inside. But to make our presence known we need to knock. At the time those words were said it was a duty to have someone in who asked and give them bread and wine. We could take a negative view and say, ‘oh well, there’s no one in there so why bother’. But how do we know that? How do we know who reads our posts? Just because they don’t reply does not mean they have not read them or got some help from them. They knocked at our door and we opened it. Casting our bread upon the waters means that we don’t know where it goes, but some animal downstream will enjoy it. Giving love and sending it out is a blessing many have. Love travels well.
Knocking at the door means actively seeking relief from the pain of loss. To despair, to give up, to say I will never change, or the situation will never change and all is lost is self defeating. I am not minimising suffering, God knows! But I am saying that if we can manage just a tiny bit of seeking, a tiny bit is all that’s needed to begin, then the pain may not be as bad. Who knows what lies behind the door and who we may meet there. Go on, knock, what have you to lose.

Hi Jonathan
I am that person I read all the messages everyday and take great comfort in knowing I am not alone in this grief
X moya

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I will knock at the door when I come out of this tunnel I am in…when I see light at the end of it…As they say " when one door closes another door opens…"

I am knocking Jonathan. Yesterday I decided to start trying to get my life back and rang my son who I haven’t seen since the funeral. I’m still awaiting a reply back. I also rang a friend, who I also hadn’t seen since the funeral. She was delighted that I had called her and immediately drove to my house to see me. She said she had waited for me to be ready for visitors. So I feel I am making an effort to open that door.
I have been told that this is another chapter in my life.
Pat xxx

I had lots of text messages, cards when my husband passed away, all saying the same, 'if there’s anything I can do just call. But what can they do, you have to cope, deal with your grief, My oldest and dearest friends who live miles away, they were the ones who didn’t text but just knocked on the door, they were all in tears listening to me blubbering. They said the same waited a while and then just decided to come, I wanted visitors, I gladly opened the door, I’ve joined a walking group and a craft club the hardest part was walking in their door. I felt more positive that I had made the effort. Don’t get me wrong when I left the venue, I walked home and was in tears because my hubby wouldn’t be there for me, just an empty house, that is really really hard. I’m lucky because a walk of 20 minutes away is a drop in centre CRUSE it was hard going there too, but it’s a comfort of sorts to know the people there were all suffering a loved one, a lovely cosy group run by volunteers, a lady just started talking to me, sharing experiences no pressure, I stayed the whole 2 hours. Everyone was so friendly. Felt positive as I left. I had done things, got out of the house met new people, it is hard very hard. It’s something to focus on, put on your calendar. Honestly the next 2 days I was a complete mess again, felt sick lethargic sitting around the house, watching drivel on tv I too cannot sleep, go to bed very late, wake up in the night and again very early, I get up make myself a cup of tea get back into bed I write a journal of any thoughts that come into my head, our lives together, trivial thoughts memories we shared, it helps me cope. I keep my journal close, so I can write down thoughts before I forget, it’s a comfort reading it all back. These are the things I do to get through my days, I can’t believe I’m in this state, why, how can it be, why choose my hubby to be taken away from me, I like others have found people are now getting back to their own lives so I need to make plans for me too. It’s not ideal I still wake up dreading facing the day. I read people’s posts not always replying but yes they are a comfort. Please keep posting I do read them on a daily basis. Hugs to everyone we need them to face this torment we are going through xx

Hi Jonathan, I remember that picture. I had it in an old bible or prayer book when I was a child, ‘The Light of the World’ (by William Holman Hunt I think). You’re right, we don’t always know who’s there when we knock. Several months ago I replied to a post from a lady on here, we started private messaging, then exchanged email addresses, and now we’re in touch all the time. My husband and I will soon be moving back to the UK after living abroad for several years and my new found friend will be just minutes away from our new home. How amazing is that!

Since my daughter’s suicide (two and a half years ago) I find I cope better by easing myself into the day, rather than rushing into it headlong as before, so I have a leisurely cup of coffee and read my daily devotional for encouragement and inspiration. Sometime later I look at the forum to see if there are any posts I feel I can reply to, and latterly have been looking to see if there are any posts from you, for a little extra encouragement, and if there are then I’m never disappointed. Bless you, and thank you for your positivity. My own experience is that there IS light at the end of this tunnel and although it’s a damn hard slog getting there at times, and life will never be the same again - how can it be when you’ve lost someone you loved so much - just having each other to help us on the journey makes the burden a little bit lighter, people who understand our grief and people who care. Love does indeed travel well!

Thank you Kathy. Now you remind me I do remember the artist. That picture is so full of symbolism. The fact that there is no handle outside is significant. I am so sorry about your past bereavement. I do try to be as positive as possible but, as you know, it can be very difficult at times.
How wonderful that you made friends with someone on this site. ‘God works in mysterious ways’. If we leave ourselves open then comfort may come. Best wishes.

My heart goes out to all the wounded souls on this site. On a hopeful note, I will share, like Kathy G. I also made some friends on this forum. I have exchanged many supportive PM’s with folks, and there are two in particular that I’ve remained in regular contact. One individual also lost a sibling, the other had a different loss, however her family dynamic is very similar to my own. During this horrific first year, we posted through the holidays, birthdays, and painful milestones. I have been able to open myself to them in ways I could not to others in my everyday life, and in turn they have said I have helped them through the harder days. Like all of you, people in my life said " call me any time," but would they really welcome a ring in the wee hours just to hear my sobs pleas to soothe my suffering? When feeling scared and alone at 3 AM I can easily write my feelings on a PM, (helps just to express these fears in writing) and know that I will receive a reply sooner than later. Meeting these lovely folks is not an option, however, since we all reside in different parts of the world. But as Kathy so aptly states “Love does indeed travel well.”
I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, and in ways we least expected. Like Jonathan says “if we leave ourselves open then the comfort may come.” Keep on knocking my fellow grievers. That being said, I am here for anyone who may need a “friend.” PM me if you so choose. Peace & Warm Healing Thoughts to all. Sister2 Xxxx

I know just what you mean. I can’t really discuss my grief with friends or old colleagues. In fact I can hardly face seeing anyone. I still miss my mother so much 18 months later and feel guilty I didn’t see her much before she died. I was going to after I retired but she died a week later. I do hope you are feeling better. I can’t believe it’s gone on so long…

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