The Final Chapter

October last year, My Lovely Den got called home, at the time I did a blog, which can be seen here.

https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/my-lovely-lady-got-called-home?page=1&field_harmony_thread=161

In it I stated that there would be a final chapter to that Blog, it has taken me a while, but here it is:

This is the final Chapter in this blog, ‘Me and My Lovely Wife’s Journey’.

It is just a few days over a year since I laid, Den, my wife, my Best friend to rest.

It was around 41 years ago that I met Den, or to be more precise, Den met me. It would seem that Den had her eyes on me for some time. Den all through her difficult life, always knew what she wanted, and right up until the end, she made sure she got what she wanted.

So 41 years ago Den came into my life, and gave me the honour of wanting to spend the rest of her life with me. I have been so privileged, to have had her.

Den had battled life from just after birth, when she was diagnosed with epilepsy. Because of this she did not get the polio vaccine. But she did get polio, fortunately not severely. But she pressed on regardless.

Anyway Den met me, although she was quite sure that I would drop her as soon as I found out that she had epilepsy, but she was wrong on that one. For on her 21st birthday we got married. This according to her family, was a marriage that would not last because of Dens condition. How wrong they all were. Paradoxicaly, not only did it last, it was the only one in the family that did!

So we moved into a brand new Maisonette, that we had brought a year before. We even had to take a loan out for the deposit, but it was ours. We went on to have children, but sadly none survived. During all this time Den was having around 15-20 Turns (as she called them) a week.

Well after about 15 years, after getting out of my tree and pointing out a research paper to her consultant, who up until then always said, (Keep taking the Tablets). I managed to get a proper investigation done. Den went into residentral care, at the Epilespy centre for 9 months. At the end of which they had got her medication right, and she was now fit free. Albeit on 22 tablets a day, but free at last.

Everything went well until 2010, when that first lump was discovered. And there our ‘Cancer Journey’ started. Not for one minute did we think we would be where we are now. We were determined to beat it.

So began the endless cycle of Surgery,Radiotherapy and Chemo. Then in 2012, after just a few months of being clear, it came back, So off we went again. Was clear again at the end of 2013.

The next year 2014, I got Dx with PCa, so I pushed the consultant to start my treatment early, as i felt sure Dens would come back, and wanted to get my treatment out of the way. To give my consultant his due, he started me that afternoon.

One week into my 8 weeks of RT, I got pneumonia, so a week in hospital, during that week Den became ill, so we both finished up in hospital at the same time. So my idea of getting my treatment out of the way, just did not work.

Yes in 2014, Dens cancer came back. I knew that this would be her last cancer, but never told her. In the May she was given 6 months, but Den pushed on for a further 17 months. She refused to give in, and I was not going to be the one to ‘Burst her Bubble’

Well I decided that the time had come to make memories for me, and to give Den whatever she wanted.

She wanted a cruise, so did the Nowegian Fjords, plus trips here, trips there, all the falconry and bird places, because she just loved her Owls and Birds. She wanted a convertible car that she saw in a showroom, so we could drive about during the summer in it, brought that. But we got 2 summers out of it. The car ran fine, until I took her into A&E one Wednesday night, where they kept her in. It broke down on me on the way home. I took that to be a sign!

When I walked in to see her on the Sunday, one look told me, ‘It was all over’. They gave her one day!

I knew Den did not want to die in hospital, she hated them, she had also said, that she did not want to die at home, although I am sure she did, just that Den just did not want to be a burden on me. I managed to get her into Sue Ryders on the Monday, where Den fought on until the Sunday.

Den passed in the early hours of Sunday morning, and as I held her ever so gently, she was quietly led away. As she went she left me with a most wonderful gift, ‘Her Smile’, and it stayed. ‘Priceless’

(People say ‘Do you remember you first kiss?’ No, but I will always remember the ‘Last’.)

I will always remember some of her last words, ‘I love you, I have wasted all your money’. and my reply, ‘Love you too, and no you have not wasted a penny’. and my unspoken reply to self ‘If I have wasted my money, then I did not waste nearly enough then!’

Den was the ‘Idol’ of my life, she was my whole reason for living. I did not mind caring for her, it was, my pleasure. I was the one honoured from the day I met her. Den would never let anything ‘Faze’ her, she just kept on smiling. Den was my ‘Rock’ my ‘Go To’, ‘My Life’. I just hope that at some time, I made her ‘Happy’.

Her passing has left a ‘Very BIG hole’. She was the ‘Sunshine of my Life’

Den was the most ‘Courageous’ Woman I have, and will have, ever met, an “Inspiration” to all.

So just a few final words;

‘Den’ was the nicest person one could ever hope to meet. She spread sunshine and happiness to all in the world that she met.
‘Den’ came into my life and elected to spend the rest of her life with me.

"The battle is over my Dear, time to rest.
Until we meet again, Your everloving husband,

Ian"

So our journey together is at an end…

But Den will be forever with me in my Heart.

1 Like

What a beautiful tribute xx

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