Sometimes, I feel guilty…guilty that I didnt help more., guilty that I wasnt there when she passed…guilty that I didnt do more. Even though, i was there every day. Morn-til nite.
I left my wife an hour before she died. I do regret not being there, but the pain of watching her overcame me. She had physical problems but also dementia which is awful.I was told she died peacefully and that’s a help.
I think it’s rare not to feel some guilt about something. We all do our best and what seems right at the time.
Guilt is a corrosive emotion. It can eat into your soul and make any sort of peace difficult. I am sure my wife forgives me for anything I may have done that could have been done better.
But it’s important we forgive ourselves.
I ve heard a wee Irish saying, that they wait til u leave cause its easier for then to pass. I like to believe that.
My dad passed away 3 weeks ago today to a sudden cardiac arrest. It happened right in front of my poor mum. She called the ambulance and called me, I managed to ascertain that my dad had stopped breathing and the crew were working on him. My dad was classed as a fighter and I believed all the way home that he would be fine…I was still on the way home when I was overcome by an peaceful relaxed feeling akin to “letting go a big sigh” followed by almost euphoria. I remember being stuck in traffic and looking at a bus in front of me thinking about all the people with busy lives and I distinctly heard “there’s no rush now” I instantly felt calm. Ten minutes later when I got to my mum’s, the paramedic told me that my dad put up a fight but passed. It was at the time I was overcome with those feelings when it happened. I like to think that it was him telling me he was at peace. It brings me comfort when I beat myself up with guilt. My dad is pain free and at peace. I sometimes feel guilty that I could have done something to help but…I hold on to what I think was him telling me he passed peacefully
Oh Gayle, what a lovely heartfelt post. So uplifting. I have no doubt whatsoever your dad was instrumental in you feeling as you did. They so want to take our pain away. It is said that if we suffer so do they, and I believe that to be true.
Why, because they have passed, should we behave any differently to them than when they were with us.
Guilt is so common in bereavement. I had it for a while then I thought, would my wife want this, for me to feel guilty? The answer would be an emphatic no!
We do our best in ways we think right at the time. Of course we could all probably have done better, but whose to say. Hindsight is not a good measure of how much we cared. Blessings and thank you.