The loss of a loved one..

I recently joined this online community, despite my mother having passed away just over 2 years ago.

I was fortunate enough to have my mother sent home, rather than go into a hospice.
My employer was very understanding and understood my need to be with her 24/7.

My mother and I were very close and needless to say, a huge part of me went with her.
I kept a lot of my feelings to myself, I reached the point of dreading each awakening day, just wanting to sleep and at times just not wanting to be here.

After about 8 months, I finally told my daughter my feelings. She suggested I went to see my Dr, who was also my mother’s Dr. My daughter came with me.
I’ve never had depression in all my 56+ years. But this is what I was diagnosed with.
I was prescribed a very low dosage of antidepressants. They seems to help, but of course didn’t take away my deep feeling of loss.
I lived in my mother’s house, after she passed, I was there 12 months, but reached a point where the memories were hard to cope with.
I sold the house and moved back to mine, where my daughter was.

For the past few weeks, I feel myself slipping backwards. I can only liken it to the aftershocks of an earthquake.
We’ll always miss those close to our heart, some days more than most and the tears do lessen over time, but…the ache remains.

I recently lost my mum just over two weeks ago from a rare heart disease.
We were incredibly close and I just feel like I am in a bubble. We were busy with funeral arrangements etc but now I keep crying and feel so lost. I don’t feel as if I cope with the outside world.
I am fortunate to have my dad, but I feel guilty If I have to leave him.

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