My dad passed away from covid-19 on 11th Feb 2021. I have previously posted a lengthy post about this.
My mum and dad split up nine years ago after my mum had had an affair. She was no longer happy and had been trying to salvage their relationship for 10 years prior. My dad was very much set in his ways going to work going to the pub the same thing all the time. Whereas my mum was very young at heart and wanted to do more but instead was pretty much stuck at home raising Their kids cooking cleaning and kind of doing the same thing day in and day out whilst also working a full-time job.
The day she left was extremely hard for all of us but me and my brothers continue to have a relationship with her and it definitely took us time for us to get over what she had done and for things to feel normal again. I think my dad resented Us for keeping a close relationship with my mum after what she done to him. I think he had also painted a bad picture picture of my mom to his friends and family so everyone would turn against her.
They had been together since 1975 married in 1984 and separated in 2012. My dad was heartbroken but was very bitter and angry and could never really get over what she had done.
Luckily my dad found happiness again with his current partner of five years. She was a childhood girlfriend who he went out with for a couple of months at the age of 11. She is a nice woman but we never really had much of a relationship before my dad passed away she was very much her own family and would prefer to spend time with my dad on her own or with her own family going on holidays and for meals we were never really invited. It’s just the way it was. We would see dad at home on the weekends when we would visit.
Since my dad has passed away his partner is obviously devastated but has basically put her own feelings above ours she has told me several times that she and my dad were soulmates and should’ve stayed together from the age of 11. She has also told me that he had always loved her. I don’t know if she’s just trying to make herself feel better by re-writing the past. But the way she is saying things it’s basically making me feel Like my dad never wanted to marry my mum and he wanted to stay with her and me and my brother should’ve never been born. Of course I know the truth and I’m letting these comments go over my head but I just hate that she saying these type of things to me I don’t think she is intending to hurt me but I just wish she would realise It’s not nice.
I hate confrontation and do not want to fall out with anyone. I am planning all the funeral and have kept his partner in the loop with everything. She was annoyed that my mum has gone to see my dad in the chapel of rest and couldn’t understand why she would want to go but to me that was my moms given right. My mum isn’t attending the funeral out of respect for his partner and his family.
I have had to type up my dads eulogy for the celebrant to read at the funeral (31st march) and I did mention my mum‘s name in it but my dad‘s partner has said please do not put mum‘s name in the eulogy as my dad would apparently go mad. Even though I know they did kind of reconcile after they had split up and kept in touch with each other now and again. But the problem is I don’t know what he was telling his partner she seems to think That’s my dad hated my mum which I don’t think it’s true at all. He hated her for what she did but I do think he kind of forgave her in the end.
It’s so hard and I feel like I’m stuck in the middle. I do not want to hurt my dad‘s partner, at the end of the day she was with him the last five years of his life and she loved him and looked after him but then on the other hand I do not want to completely disrespect my mum by not putting her name in his eulogy. I have mentioned that he was married in 1984 to his wife of 28 years and that they raise three children together with lots of good childhood memories. Is this enough am I doing the right thing? It’s such a awkward sticky situation to be in and it’s worrying me so much. I have enough to deal with without this on my conscience. Has anyone been in this type of situation before? I wish I could just not care I’m just do and say as I pleased but I’m really not that type of person. Thank you for reading x