Lost my dear wife Pauline, after 54 years of being together, to cancer 8 weeks ago, and I am totally devastated. She was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in June 2020 and said “it is what it is and it won’t beat me”. She went through the trauma of chemo every three weeks for almost two and a half years and never once expressed to me the hell she was going through. The love we had for each other became stronger as each day passed. Following a wonderful family Christmas together, she was diagnosed with jaundice, which could be sorted through a minor operation on her liver and we need not be worried.
This minor op would be through and endoscopy and she would be treated as a day patient. Sadly she never recovered from that minor op and died suddenly of a cardiac arrest.
Although we both knew Pauline was terminally ill we never got a chance to say our final goodbyes, which has left me heartbroken and helpless. All I see now is an empty chair and photographs of our years together.
God bless my dear Pauline.
@Retired78 I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Pauline after so long together and 8 weeks is no time at all. I was able to say my goodbyes to my wife of 47 years and tell her how much I loved her when she passed of Covid 6 months ago tomorrow but I didn’t need to because I know she knew. Pauline will have known how much you loved her too not because of what you ever said but what you did together. There is nothing I can say to fill the terrible void her passing has left but do not feel bad you never said words when your deeds say everything about your love for your dear wife. Post as you feel you need or just follow the threads. We are all together here.
I can connect with how you are feeling. I lost my darling Keef just over 2 months ago and at the end he just wasn’t there. He’d gone into hospital because he couldn’t breathe and then after a number of investigations discovered that the cancer he’d recovered from over 20 years earlier had returned, but this time more aggressive. From the moment he went into hospital I didn’t really have a conversation with him and that I think was the hardest thing, not really being able to say goodbye or tell him all of the things I wanted to say. In less than 4 weeks he’d gone and those last days will stay with me forever. I try very hard to remember the person he was before but there is so much I wished that I had said.
It is so awful but I believe that our partners would have known how we felt at the end even if we were unable to speak to them. I still talk to him, send the odd text message, but it’s not the same when nobody replies. I can totally empathise with how you are feeling even if we weren’t together quite as long as you, only 44 years, but still all of my adult life.
This site certainly helps in that I find I am able to say things that friends and relations would not understand.
So sorry for the loss of your Pauline, I lost my partner 8 weeks ago, we had known each other 54 years and like you we never got to say goodbye either as he passed suddenly, no symptoms, no warnings, just out of the blue of a heart attack. I was so upset we never got to say goodbye as well but as Mike says, words are less important,
your love for each other are the unspoken words. She was loved by you and that is what counts. Take the love she had for you and wrap yourself in it like a big blanket and take each day, hour by hour, step by step. We all walk this lonely journey with you and guide each other through it, so you are in a safe place here. Hang in there
Thank you for all your kind words xx