The loss of my husband

I lost my husband of 33 years on the 12th of May this year he was 57. He wasnt ill and its been a massive shock.
I feel completely lost …heartbroken and devastated. I literally dont know how to do day to day. He was my soul mate…my person and i want to to be with him again

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@Bev23
I am so sorry you have had to join our community.
Everyone on here will be.
We all have our own unique stories, and are at different points along our grief journeys.
But we all share similar feelings and similar challenges in coping with the lives we are now having to live.
I lost my husband just over 9 months ago on August 24, one day before our wedding anniversary.
I have to say nothing has got easier, infact it’s getting harder and harder , and I’m having some of my worst days.

I found this site at the beginning of May during the first of the long bank holidays. It has helped me.
I hope you too can find some comfort from seeing that others understand and that we ‘get’ each other
Read the posts on different feeds, and write when you want to.
You can write whatever you want. No one will judge, and we will all understand.
Hugs to everyone :hugs::hugs::hugs:

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@Bev23 .You will need to follow your want to cry, rant & rave, however it hits you, don’t try to be strong for others, this is your time.
On this site, post, read, compare notes, its a great site to give way. Take heart that we KNOW what is what.
Talking is the best way to release those thoughts that will swirl around your head, those feelings that will hit like a hammer in an ambush, and this is the best place for that.
we here are right behind you, we’ve got your back, we know what its like. keep posting , reading and you’ll find loads of us just like you.
Sending you hugs :people_hugging:

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My partner died suddenly in Jan , no warning, the shock is still with me although not as bad as the beginning.
Having no warning is so hard as you don’t get closure, or say goodbye.

I’m doing ok now, I have very bad days where I give in to the grief but they are not too often. I miss him everyday and that’s the hard part.

The beginning was so raw, take the days each hour at a time and stay in the moment, don’t think ahead as that is very difficult, still is.

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@Bev23 I’m so sorry for your loss. It is such early days for you.
I lost my partner suddenly in January he was also only 57.
The first few weeks are so raw as you try to comprehend what has happened. I still struggle to comprehend it but the feeling is now not as raw
If you can’t do day to day do hour by hour. Even getting up is an achievement.

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I am so so sorry for your loss i totally know where you are comming from i recently lost my husband of 49yrs on the 30th of may this year it too was sudden and totally unexpected as he died in hospital they want to do a post mortem so i cannot lay him to rest as yet i am still in shock and disbelief that he has gone and i like you go from day to day minute by minute in a crying daze he was 72 but was still active and full of life before the op he had i am 66 i do so understand your feelings of loss and wanting to be with your hubby he was so young and it is obviously a complete shock to the system so you will go through all the emotions and rightly so please take comfort in offloading as much or little as you want you are amongst friends here and everyone has a unique insight to this world we have now got to navigate but together i hope you take some comfort here so take time breathe slowly let off as much steam as you feel you can sending love and hugs to you stay strong :sparkling_heart: xx

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Dear @Bev23

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. There are no words to describe the pain of losing your loved one. Understandably you are heartbroken and devastated, your world has been turned upside down.

Have you seen the blog by Sue Ryder Losing a Partner , it may be of help to you along with the following resources. The Grief Coach may especially be of help to you.

  • The self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief Grief Guide
  • Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This service is also useful for family and friends
  • Information on the Stages of Grief
  • Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through

Have you had a look at the Sue Ryder Counselling ?

There is an organisation called The Silver Line which is a helpline for anyone aged 55 and over. They provide friendship, conversation and support 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The number is 0800 4 70 80 90 and it is free.

This may be of help to you and sometimes it helps to talk to people outside of friends and family. This organisation is amazing, and it would be worth you looking at the website. There is also AtALoss which helps bereaved people find support and well-being. It may well be worth you taking a look at the website for support. Merseyside is on the list of locations for support.

You need to take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. We the Community are here for you, you are not alone, we understand the pain of losing a loved one. Keep talking to us here. Take care of yourself.

Peppers xx

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Thank you for your kind and informative words. Also sorry for your loss :heart:. Its very early days for me and im struggling through each day. Got Roeys ashes back on Wednesday so that was a worse than usual day :broken_heart::heart:

Im so sorry for your loss. Its all very raw forr me at the moment and im just trying to day to day but don’t feel like doing anything tbh. My family and friends are amazing but ive never felt so alone without him :broken_heart:

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Agree with that. I lost my husband of 25 years in February this year and like you, it was an awful shock. It’s being unable to say goodbye properly that’s the worse thing. All those things you wished you’d said to him, and of course, as well as the chance to say “sorry” for things you had said or done! It’s the finality of it all that’s so hard. Steve was my soulmate and I waited 47 years to meet him. He was a special person and my only consolation right now is we had 25 years together…

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@Joy72 thank you for your kind words. My husband also went for post mortem as it wasnt expected. He had had put himself on the organ donation list so when i had been told he would not survive his brain injury we then had to go through the sheets of questions sone very personal.
When Roeys life support was stopped there is only a short time frame for him to pass so the organs are viable but his heart was strong and he breathed for himself until he passed at 4.30am the nect morning.
Although i feel sad for any possible matches i did get to spend 4 hours in bed with him after he died :broken_heart:

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I know how you feel Bev23. I lost my soulmate in Feb this year. I didn’t know how ill she was and I blame myself everyday for not making the most of every moment we could have had together. Day to day is hard - I’m trying to just do hour by hour and be kind to myself while we learn to cope without them. I know how heartbroken you feel. You’d been together so long, we only had 15 years together. Reach out whenever you need help and someone, something, somehow, will respond. Your husband taught you everything you need to know, to survive and keep his legacy going. Sending you lots of comfort and support. x