The loss of my mum is getting worse

I lost my Mum 8 months ago and things seem to be getting worse. I am 62 and an only child and I find I can be sitting on my own and all of a sudden break down in tears for no apparent reason. I don’t want to seek help as I’m not normally very good talking to people about emotional issues.

1 Like

Hi Psul B,

I was sorry to read your post about the loss of your Mum and only 8 months ago. It is no time at all and you must have had so much to deal with and sort out. There will not have been time to think and absorb what has happened at the time so that may be what is happening now.

Talking to someone about what has happened can be very daunting I agree. Is it worth considering the online service offered on this forum? Not such an ordeal as you could try it out whilst at home. If you don’t like it you don’t have to continue.

I don’t think you should worry about having a cry. I have been told it helps to relieve tension. I have times two years on after losing my Mum when I feel terribly sad and will cry sometimes. Not the dreadful tsunamis of tears I produced at first or when I used to wake up in the morning with dried salt tears on my cheeks. It is a big thing losing a parent, we all know it will come one day but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Since losing my Mum I have become a big believer in taking time for myself. Even ten minutes a day just to quietly think about things, remember my Mum and happy times with her. I go for a walk often in the evening as I live on my own now and find that really helps me and can calm me down if the day has been stressful. Also just sitting with a cup of tea in the garden and doing nothing.

I am not sure how helpful this is but I wanted you to know you are not alone. There are many kind people on this forum to talk to. I have received wonderful support since joining so keep coming back. We all have different experiences but one thing in common, the loss of someone we love.

Mel.

Hi Paul,
Really sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. Nothing to be ashamed of not wanting to reach out for help, I am similar in that I find it very difficult to talk to people about emotional stuff. I did however recently go to counselling after the loss of my brother and found it a lot easier talking to essentially a stranger about my challenges with grief. It didn’t stop the pain but I feel I can deal with it better. Wishing you all the best. Alex

Hi Psul B Like you I’m an only child & lost my wonderful Mum in March 2015 & my Dad in February of this year. I’m 60 on Sunday & my Mum would have been 80 on the 28th of this month. 20 years ago we had a 100 year party! I miss her every day & like Mel I take time out to remember the lovely times we had together & like you I just burst into tears for what seems no reason. I’ve been sorting & clearing my parents house & it has stirred up a lot of memories with the things I’ve come across that they both kept. In fact I don’t think the ever threw anything away in the 43 years they lived in the house!! It’s all part of the bereavement process & I feel myself ticking boxes as I go along & it helps. I know you said you don’t want to seek help but I recently joined a bereavement group at Sue Ryder in Peterborough & it really has helped me to talk with people who have lost loved ones. In the last 4 years I’ve lost both my parents, my lovely Aunt & Uncle & 2 very dear friends. It has made me realise life is too short to be doing things you don’t enjoy, so I’ve taken early retirement & intend on living life to the full not putting off till tomorrow what I can do today because you never know?
Look after yourself & try & talk to people because it does help.
Best wishes
Denise

Hello Paul,
The feelings you are experiencing are completely natural. I lost my husband 5 years ago and still have the odd day when I cry.
These days get further apart but the loss never goes.

U will never forget but in time things do get a bit easier talking about your feelings is hard I never talked about my dad and mum when the passed away. I find my self especially now thinking of them. I have just had my 50 birthday and we are getting married in 2020 two dates that they weren’t around for. My partner is good at listing as he lost his wife not that long ago. Does get easier in a way yes don’t get me wrong u will still miss them but it’s not as painful crying is a good thing as you can’t bottle up how you feel that’s the worst thing that some can do. But you will in time when you feel it’s right be able to talk about. They say time is a great healer. Bereavement effects people in different ways so u should just take some u time and be kind to your self as what your going through is normal

Hi Psul B,

I totally understand how you feel. I lost my mum last year and she was only 64. She was also my best friend. I am finding that the grief is worse now than after she died. I do take time for myself but I am struggling and know that I will have to have bereavement counselling and talk to someone who is not family or friends. I do have support so I’m very lucky in that sense. Mindfulness has definitely helped me. Carry on looking after yourself xx

Hi Psaul B and all.

Unfortunately I completely understand too. Grief is such a hard thing to deal with and my view is that I need as much support as I can get. This forum helps me a lot, especially on days like today when I’m feeling particularly low.

I take every chance I can to cry as it does let a bit of steam out. My story is I lost my dad last year then my mum this May. I’m an only child in my early 40’s and I feel cheated about the time I should be having with them but trying to plod on as well as I can. I was so close to them. It has left such a hole as I am sure all of you know.

The thing that gets me through at the moment is that I still love them and feel their love. Nothing can take that away. I also know they would not want me to put my life on hold so I know somehow I have to keep going and enjoy life again one day. I am sure all our parents would want us to be happy somehow too.

Hope things are a little better for you now and you have found some support.

Take care

Ann x

Back to top