The pain is getting worse

I thought id been coping quite well ,How wrong i was the last few days despite all my efforts .I dont feel sorry for myself just lonely, heartbroken, empty lost and cheated ,Emotionally exhausted. SORRY should have said roughly what’s happened .I had stroke in 2022 (brain stem) i was in hospital for 5months visited daily by my devoted loving wife Jude. l collapsed on the ward aspiration apparently so was heavily sedated and put in icu the drs told Jude to get our son as they were not hopeful and i had a dnr on me.Obviously i pulled through im now eating food “normally” drinking but 9with a thickner,walking with a frame until tomorrow frame replaced with a walking stick.IM a functioning autistic though the stroke seems to have affected me i was feeling things like on Jude’s visits i was excited like wed just started courting again things were going as we had wished and worked so hard for my physio etc .I came home from hospital to be home with Jude the love of my life for over 35 years i have been so lucky to have had the honour pleasure of being with her .We had hoped for a lot more years .JANUARY 2023 after the first 2 weeks at home i became the carer i suspected something was wrong we had words on one of her visits to the point were she nearly left early I Wanted her to go to the dr/s i had said for a while but her priority was me .so on Jan 14 th i called an ambulance she could not breathe so off to hospital had 1.5 litres drained from her lung found a mass on the same lung ,which further tests proved my worse fears cancer aggressive lungs lymph nodes brain.Itold our son against her wishes i was so worried .That was the biggest mistake of my life son (step son brought up as my own from under 2years old).Drove up2 weeks later asked my neighbour how much our smallholding was worth ???before even seeing his mum, THen him and his wife just took her ididnt ewant to kick off at this point my concern was Jude.THEY just took her to Kent a good 5 hours from were we lived,did his mum get asked what she wanted todo did iNO,Apart from a visit to see her thats been it there was an atmosphere …Then after tel calls txt messages at 3 inthe morning sons wife complaining how hard it was and poor them,i got a tel call on March the 14th at 8.20 informing me of J ude dying at 8am .Her last few days were spent at an hospice which iwas told noyt to visit and from the day they took her ive been excludedfrokm everything i found out about the funeral arrangements etc from facebook the only other tel calls were to ask if iwould sign half of our house over to them initially iwanted to just to get away have peace quite problem gone away .IN the end after talking with some kind people ididnt.i had amessage on messenger saying "we have choosen the music and were crying alot more??? NOT once have ibeen asked about anything just excluded I wont go to Judes celebration of life i wont be able to control my mouth and thats not fair its JUDES day.and iwont ruin it im going to scatter my dads ashes with my mums and there dog then im going to Jude and my special place.Where we started our last adventure9years ago just sold our house and upsticksin our touring caravan tofind our dream home in Wales.heartbroken.Iwill never forget or forgive them for what they have done.

Dear Peter, how shocking and sad for you. I am so sorry, I am in tears for you.
How on earth could they do that, she was your wife. You have had such a lot to cope with and from what you say, you seem to be doing very well with your health, which is great news.
All I can say to you is don’t let your step son win, keep your home, it’s yours and it was yours and Jude’s dream home.
Have a memorial day at Jude’s and your special place, I know it won’t be the same but have you any friends that can go with you?
Remember your Jude with love, she sounds like she was a very lovely lady and one day your step son and family may realise how awful they have been to you and feel sorry.
Sending lots of love and strength your way xxx


Alir , Thankyou for your very kind thoughts and words,the ones who i thought were friends are taking or have been taking advantage but that will be resolved tomorrow i trusted them i made them my next of kin something else to change.why all now people and so called friends and even family are being so cruel ,im sure Jude would be dis gusted with them.Thankyou for your kind words it means alot Peter xx


It is another blow when you find out that people who you thought were friends are not.
You will be better off without them . Yes ,I imagine Jude would be very disgusted and also very hurt for you.
I hope you manage to get everything sorted out, xx

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Alir , again i thank you,ive been lucky Jude was one in a million,i don’t regret any of ou time togeher id doit all again in amilli secound even if the out come was the same regarding family and friends its just more hurt on top of more Thank you have restored my faith in humanity

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Suddenly family want to talk they tel me yesterday son(stepson)not asking how i was just want me to stump up3500 for funeral for which ive had no input only founnd out via fbook .only other tel call was to ask me to sign hal f the house over .“We” sorted wearranged itas mum wanted what ive excluded since you took her im not attending because of the exclusion so please exclude me from paying forit you made it quite clear sinnce youtook Jude aka mum in FEB, ive had 3tel callsnot how are you wanting things you say its because your grieving really??what so yourthe only ones grieving??35 years counts for nothing its longer than you two have known her for .

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