The pain is unbearable

My best friend my soul mate my world passed last Wednesday of septicaemia with COVID it was so quick he tested positive on 6th January went into hospital on the 11th and was taken into ICU on the 18th. I was told he had 48 hours on the25th Jan and was allowed to see him but miraculously he started to turn a corner I was so positive he was going to come home but at 1am on 3rd February I received the call he had deteriorated rapidly and he died in my arms 6 hours later. The pain inside me is uncontrollable and unbearable I am haunted by the fact I couldn’t be with him every day and watched him struggle and I don’t want to live without him we were due to marry on 18th June my dress is here the rings are ordered. We met at 14 and went are separate ways at 17 but met again in 2012 and have been inseparable since then.


Dear Quarterman

I am so sorry for your loss.

People on this site are unfortunately in the same position, will understand and will offer support.

Take care.

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So sorry for your loss
It so painful and doesn’t seem real
My husband passed December the 5th due to COVID
My life ended then as he was my life
Please text anytime and take care xx

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I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you have a support person with you but everyone on this site understands this terrible pain and we are here for you.There is also a counseling service via this site -it is good to talk to a counselor.Sending big hugs x

So so sorry for your loss.
I lost my partner Graham end of October from COVID we’ve been together from being 14 (37 years)
You have suffered a trauma I have the same feelings of guilt for not being there not doing more and now not wanting to carry on feeling my life is over :broken_heart:
This site has been really helpful just reading you are not alone and other people know exactly how you are feeling.
Please message anytime if you need to.
Thinking of you

Thank you for your reply I just keep breaking down with the most unbearable pain inside and no one understands I just don’t want to be here without him it’s horrendous and won’t leave me alone. Nights are awful I wake and then realise he’s not next to me and I sob and sob uncontrollably I manage four to five hours sleep at best.

@Quarterman I’m sorry you have lost your husband, particularly as you were hoping he was getting better.
I hope you can find some help here as we are all going through the same trauma

We on here all sadly know exactly how you are feeling. I’ve felt like I’m going mad having those same thoughts and just the heartbreaking pain. It was only when I found this community I discovered we are all going through the same living hell.
Please keep messaging and reaching out it does se em to help speaking to people who know exactly how you feel. Family and friends don’t really fully understand as their world continues for us our world is broken. Take care x

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juli69 that is just how I feel. I try to be so brave for my family but it is killing me.
I hate to think others are going through this but in a way it helps to know you are not alone.

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It’s 6 weeks since my Marti died. I can’t stop crying today, I feel so lonely and just keeping of him 24/7. I wish I was with him.
Love to you all xx

So sorry for your loss
So bloody painful it a very lonely life
I hate it xx

It is very lonely. I’m sobbing now I have all day my head and my heart feels so much hurt. I really don’t know how to cope, I can’t concentrate on anything. My boys cook me dinners as I can’t be bothered to prepare meals. My house feels alien to me I don’t like being in it.
Love to you all xx

Hello Amy49
My husband passed December the 5th
I can’t do anything I stay in bed to around 12 now
And back in bed around 5
All I do is go cemetery everyday to talk and cry at Andy
Sobbing all the time so much pain
It’s unbearable
Take care xx

It definitely does help coming on here and sharing. It’s been a lifeline.

Take care

Dear Amy

I am so sorry you find yourself in the same position - suffering such great loss.

I have had to go out in the car tonight to get out of the house. If being honest I could have just kept driving. Five months on and I spend most evenings just crying. We met in our teens and 13 March would be our 39th wedding anniversary. I know I will never get over his sudden loss.

I note you live in Essex. Our daughter lives in Essex. She last saw her dad in June although we did facetime on a few occasions and spoke with her on the phone. Our son lives close-by with our little grandson - the light of my husband’s life - but there is only so much you can share with your kids. They are dealing with their own struggles.

As a parent you try to heal your kids pain, but I have no solution for this one. God knows I wish I did.

Just take one day at a time - that’s all we can do, in addition to being here on this site for each other.

Take care.
Sheila xxx

So Sorry for your loss,

I feel so sad and i agree with you,it is unbearable since losing both parents a few years ago,all you can do is take one day at a time. I have to carry on for my son,but is so difficult,thoughts with you,Lucy,xxx

Hello Sheila
I will never forget Martin, he was an amazing person and we were so close. I just cannot bear this pain I feel without him, I just feel life is pointless now, I feel so empty, I can’t see a future without him. I miss his cheeky fave, I just so much.
Hugs to you xx

Dear Amy

I am sorry you find yourself in this same painful and heartbreaking position. I have cried for most of the day, life is so unbearable. Have struggled on best I can. Visited my grandson for half an hour - he is a wonderful distraction. I can only take one day at a time. Two weeks time are wedding anniversary - just need to get away. I tend to block out the rest of the world, some will say not the way to deal with it, but it is my way for now.

Take care.
Sheila x

Dear Quarterman
How heartbreaking for you all your plans…your future with your soul mate I’m so sorry. my husband died on Monday I was with him as he took his last breath, I wasn’t ready to let home go. My family are with me. Today we took my granddaughter to the park I felt like I was stuck still and everybody running around me. I burst into tears. The DIY stuff is still in the kitchen. His things all around me yet this pain inside is crushing me. Flowers abs cards arriving I’m numb. People saying anything you want…all I want is for him to come back

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I feel exactly the same as you it was Tim’s funeral yesterday I don’t know how I got through it, the knots in my stomach the ache in my heart and the lump in my throat never leave me. I still sob uncontrollably and can not bear to think I will never see him, touch him or chat to him again it is just unbearable.
I just take one day at a time and when that gets to hard an hour at a time.
I now just want him back home I will focus on that.
I am scared for my future as we were not only getting married but retiring to spend more time together,

So sorry you have joined our gang it’s a gang no one chooses and an emotional rollercoaster you cannot get off,

Take care and big hugs,