The sound of silence

Again I post my experience from my own perspective with a hope of helping someone else using my story.

I will sing of the mercies of the Lord for ever: with my mouth will I make
known thy faithfulness to all generations. (Psalm 89:1)
Many a time it is never part of our imagination that the beautiful sounds of the present could be something that we may seek and miss to- morrow . In fact it may not even strike us as important as it really actually is until it is permanently withdrawn . Then what adds insult to injury is that the cause of that withdrawal is death .
After spending a wonderful decade of singing duets and harmonising together in congregational songs, the last thing I could have ever imagined was the pain brought by the absence of Mandy’s voice .
‘Sing mummy’, urged our daughter several times during family wor- ship time at a time her mother was so unwell that she could no longer sing . I explained to her that mummy’s voice could not come out well in a song anymore because she was sick . At that time it was really sad because she was being asked to sing but could not . It was sad yes but only temporary I thought because she would become well again and be able to sing .
The real pain only came in full force when I went to attend church services after her death . There I discovered that I too could no longer sing! Not because I had lost my voice but because I had lost my accompanying voice . In my mind, as I tried to sing I could hear the voice of harmonisation that could and would have been there when Mandy was singing next to me . The attempts to sing now resulted in weeping . Not only could I not sing anymore but I even failed to remain in the congregation as they sang . So I left during each song and went outside until I thought the singing was over .
To know that Jesus himself was familiar with grief and that even as I was experiencing the pain of grief Jesus was ever present in my time of trou- ble brought me some degree of comfort . This knowledge and understand- ing did not take the pain away . Only a hope of the promised resurrection when Jesus comes again could sustain me and keep me going .
Years went by and slowly I regained the courage to face the sound of the silence of the missing harmony in song . I became able to sing again and praise the God who created the heavens and the earth with thanksgiving .

I hope that whenever you too will pass through the sound of silence you will hear a voice saying,“My child be still and know that I am God” . May you be blessed today .

1 Like

Yes, Samuel was right. ‘Be still and know that I AM GOD’. Being still is very difficult for almost everyone. I attended Quaker meetings for some time and the silence is almost palpable during the meeting. But so many find it difficult. It is said that only in the silence can God be found. Our minds are full of chatter, ideas and concepts. To empty our mind of unwanted content is virtually impossible. What was it the Man said? ‘Take no thought for the morrow’. But we do don’t we, all the time.
Your story about your dear wife’s singing touched me. I can hardly imagine a child being like that with her mother and the pain involved. She maybe was too young to understand and confused. You are able to sing again and that brings hope to so many of us. We can all ‘sing again’ eventually. There may always be a note of sadness in our singing, but it’s a comfort to know it’s possible.
Thanks again Khanye.

Thanks Jonathan for perusing my writings in detail. I hope someone will find them helpful. As I said I was not allowed to throw them all in as a complete pdf document. So I am taking piece be piece daily giving my story as I compiled it. I wrote my story to share with others and encourage them face and go through their own situations. It is my pleasure to be able to give it to another who may benefit from it. There’s plenty more where this painful memory came from. And some will sound unreal but nothing is fiction!

Khanye, your story about your wife’s singing is very touching, as John said and bless your little girl’s heart for wanting to hear her mummy sing again. How I wish she could have done. Music is one of the first things to disappear with our grief but it does return. I can sing and dance now after 3 years. I dance around the house with my husband’s photo singing away. It was a long time coming though. Before the loss of my husband I used to drive him nuts with my constant singing. :notes::notes::notes:
You’re an interesting man Khanye, with a story to tell and I’m interested to read stories such as yours but, if I may be blunt, perhaps you could tell them without so much of the God stuff. I don’t mean to offend but your posts are all a bit preachy. You probably have a lot to offer in the way of comfort but I feel that most of us would relate to your posts a bit more without the Bible quotes. The odd one or two maybe you could get away with…
I hope I haven’t offended you or appeared rude because believe me that is not my intention; I sincerely apologise if I have. Its just a little constructive criticism, that’s all. Thank you for your posts and sharing your grief with us. Xx