The sound of silence

It’s 38 weeks since I lost Clive and everyone says time is a great healer - really? I feel worse. The house is so quiet, even though quite often he would be upstairs in the office and me downstairs in the lounge, I knew he was there as I could hear him typing on the keyboard, moving the chair around or popping to the toilet. Now there is silence, I keep the radio on during the day but it’s not the same.
Friends and family have been great but they don’t call as often, I seem to be the one arranging meet ups.


People who understand grief don’t say “time is a great healer” as I definitely don’t think it is.
Time just makes you learn to live with your grief.
I don’t think we ever “heal” but just learn to live our lives in a different way.
I don’t feel very much different from last February when I lost my darling.
Strange as it seems, coming to terms with the fact that we have to let our grief sit with us is a little bit of a comfort to me.
I have a friend who lost her husband very young almost 12 years ago and she totally agrees.
It’s a long, hard road isn’t it Mandy?
Take good care of yourself
Janey xx


It’s a strange, unfamiliar silence I never expected, it’s intense.
It seems to be with me even when I go outside, like into the garden or shopping.
I now have Radio 2 on 24/7. A radio downstairs and one upstairs, it helps a little.

It’s 42 weeks for me now since I lost Valerie, not getting easier.

Apparently there’s more than 3 million widowed in the UK.
That’s an awful lot of pain.

Take care.


Hi Larry. I lost my husband ten months ago. My sister said yesterday put the radio on rather than the tv. It’s more interactive. I have tried it but as yet feel very lonely and anxious. It’s the price we pay for loving them so much. Grief is such a hard road to travel. Take Care x


Hiya Mandy I don’t like the silence but what can we do lv annie x x


I listen to radio all day but nearly every song reminds me of my life with my one and only love my husband . I seem to relive our life and just want to go back to the start and relive it all again. I also just want to die and be with him . Even if death is just the end and I never see him anything is better than this pain we are all going through . Love and hugs to all x


I too lost my husband called Clive 11 months ago. I know what you mean by the sound of silence. I hate that more than anything and whilst the weeks and weekday evenings are not too bad, the weekends are still really hard. I’m flying his ashes out to his Mum in Jamaica on the 19th February. I will be with her for the 1st anniversary and whilst I am doing what he wanted by taking his she’s and I am looking forward to seeing my mother in law, it will be the first time I have been to Jamaica without him. A part of me is dreading it even though I know it was what he wanted. And I’m not sure how I will feel leaving him there. I mean, I know its not him, and I had the funeral director seperate some ashes for me when he died it is still all consuming. I don’t believe one can ever get over losing a partner. Not. One who is your soulate anyway.


I’m sorry Mandy about the loss of your Husband.
I lost my Husband several years ago but in December my Mum too. Although a parent relationship and not a romantic one the “silence” is just as harsh, as we lived in same house. Today my Sister took me out and I am thankful but then off she drove home to her house where physically and practically things are unchanged to a degree. I can understand that makes me sound bitter and I’m not, not really but you have to experience silence of this magnitude to realise how “deafening” it is. True Mandy it’s not always that you can see or hear them, it’s knowing they are there isn’t it. Much kindness to you.


I am a little over sixteen months in on this awful, painful journey and still experience the deafening silence. I live close to a main route into the City and when the silence hits there is nothing not even the sound of the vehicles. It happened again today when I returned to the house after visiting our son and although I could see the birds flying around the gardens there was just nothing.


Hi Mandy, I agree with you, about people saying things will get better, that time will heal. Its 5 years, Nov 2016, since my Jan went, and I am still not any better. we were married for 55 & a half years,
Last May should have been our 60th. I still miss her so much. I am lucky in that my children, family and
jan’s family look out or me. But the loneliness hits when they are gone, or you come back to emptiness. No one to say “hello darling”, no welcoming kiss or hug.