My partner died on Nov 7th, and I thought maybe once spring arrived and the warmer weather started things would seem more ‘bright’, but it’s actually having the opposite effect, in the winter you can hide away behind the darkness, now all I can see is my partner doing the garden, reading a book in the lounger in the sun, me coming home from work and sitting with her having a cuppa and discussing the day…. Things that in this weather are now just a memory, but I’m forced to go through them, I no longer enjoy coming home, I no longer enjoy the warmer weather, and I really can’t see any of this getting better.
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Hello, it does get better in time, for a couple of years in the spring/summer I only went into the garden to do work, I couldn’t sit out there without seeing my husband everywhere.
I made some changes to the garden & bought a new patio set & sun loungers & felt I could sit out there, yes there was a few tears but I also could smile at the many happy memories that exist in the garden.
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I’m moving house Ade. I find being in the house or garden heartbreaking. It’s been 8 months and I need a new place without the awful memories of that night. I’m taking just the good ones with me hopefully. I’m taking the greenhouse that he built for me, then when I need too I’ll remember him there.
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I know just how you feel Ade I lost my husband November 7th, I have been in the garden today all the time looking back at the patio seeing my husband sitting in the sun with a cup of tea watching me gardening, then to top it all someone across the garden asked me how my husband is he didn’t know that he has passed away, Ive not been able to stop crying since, keep trying to pull myself together I miss him so much just having a bad day
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Dear Rosa
That’s happened to me too. It’s like a kick having to tell someone again. The supermarket for me is the worst place, now I look down and dash round. I had a bit of a wobble the first time it happened there.
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Hi Helen is so hard I really think as each day goes by I feel worse not better, I keep opening his wardrobe looking at his clothes, I try to keep busy making sure I go out every morning then late afternoon for a walk I find this helps me sleep, I really wish folks would stop asking how I am I know they are only being kind, I say ok but I’m devastated
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Dear Rosa
It’s the brain fog clearing and reality hits us. I try not to think as much as possible, it’s the only way I cope. I distract myself, decorating, weeding, TV, YouTube, anything to stop my brain going where I can’t bear it to go.
There’s so much to deal with for me at the moment, my kids have fallen out big time about me selling the house which is a big worry, then there’s putting the house on the market (first viewing booked) Each time I allow myself a two minute melt down then I get up and find something to do or at night listen to boring history on YouTube.
One day at a time x
It’s all a nightmare that I know I can’t fix so I’m just trying to move forward a bit at a time.
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Im very similar anything to not be in my own head . The evenings the worst . I have also mentioned selling and moving to my two grown children and both very negative to the idea. But it’s me all alone here with the memories and a home too big for one person.
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Dear Belinda
I know I can’t stay in our house. Living with our children is our of the question. I’m doing things one step at a time. The house is now ready to sell, first viewing booked. I’ve found a little house in an area I know by people I know. It’s not perfect but I’m looking at it as a stepping stone. If I like it I’ll stay and alter things to make it perfect, if not I’ll look for somewhere new.
One step at a time.
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My partner died September 26th last year. I thought the lighter nights might lift my spirits a bit but the reverse is true. He was always working in the garden and now it just doesn’t feel right without him. I sat out on the patio with my sister as it was sunny, but just couldn’t get comfortable. Most of his spring bulbs have come up, so the front garden is beautiful. It’s such a shame he can’t see them.
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Hello Ade, I’m a year in, and although the pain is not so bad now, it’s still with me.
I know that I will never be the same person as I was before, everything changed after losing Mark so suddenly, without any warning, and it’s hard to find any normality.
I have found it a little easier in the garden this year, but still, I do not enjoy it as much as I did before, I can only hope that time will get me to a place where I will find happiness in our garden once more.
I hope things will get better for you, but it’s very early on and I can totally relate to how you feel, I send you my love, please realise that you are not alone, and we all know how hard it is on this lonely path.
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I can absolutely relate! Cruel summer indeed.
Both my parents loved the summer weather, my Mum liked warm days, and my Dad loved the sun (his name meaning even translates as “the sun”!)
I should feel happy for them, that the weather they enjoyed is here, but I feel empty instead, dreading summer when everyone is enjoying themselves. It’s like a forced fun.
On top of that, my partner is terminally ill. No summer days out, no holiday breaks, no picnics in the park. Only thing to plan is palliative care.
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I said this to my friend the other day, I was hoping the sunshine would cheer me up but all it done was remind me of the festivals we would not be going to together 
It seems nothing is the answer 
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Thank you for your lovely message ‘flints’. Another Sunny day today so I guess it’s another day of not enjoying as much as I used to, no partner, no pottering around and just the simple pleasure of spending it with someone.
I’m sure as time passes it will get easier, in fact it is easier now than it was a few months ago, but days like today I miss Coral so much.
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Hello Ade
Last year I hoped that the sunny weather would make me feel better, but like yourself, I couldn’t feel any joy in the garden.
Mark worked from home, so when he wasn’t busy, he joined me outside, he loved sitting by the pond watching the Dragonflies and newts.
I found that I lost my passion for the garden after he passed, but this year feels somewhat easier, although my heart aches constantly for his wonderful smile.
As you say, the simple pleasure of spending the days with someone leaves a gaping void when they are no longer beside us.
I understand how much you must miss Coral, our lives change completely when we lose the one we love, I’m afraid I took Mark for granted, he wasn’t unwell, the shock of finding him that morning, completely shattered my future hopes, days I thought I would spend with him are now spent alone, such a different future than the one I expected.
I hope that things become easier and better for you, we all know how you feel, and how hard everything must be for you at the moment. Just look after yourself, every day will be different, there is so much to sort out, and so many emotions to confront.
Take care xxxx
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I so do agree - I could and did talk to my mother about anything and everything and the silence now…
I too thought the sun would help and walked into the garden, saw the crocuses I planted in the lawn last year had come up and looked beautiful and cried on the spot. Partly because they were so lovely and partly because I would normally have gone and told her.
I have kept going and one thing that has helped in the garden which I pass on in case useful, is I’ve been digging up self sown nice plants potting them up and selling them at my gate for charities that helped us when my mother was dying. It gives me a purpose to gardening and makes some money for whichever charity I’m giving to that month and it gives me something good to be pleased about when they sell. I also talk to my mother all the time…
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That’s a really lovely thing to do!
It makes you feel good whilst helping others.
I talk to Mark all the time too, I am sure that our loved ones are out there somewhere.
Do take care xxxxx
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My partner died nov 10th as you say when it’s cold and dark outside you can lock yourself away put my blanket on and bed around 7 watch bit of tv but waking up 3 times every night..spring is here and I can see him cutting the grass with his beloved petrol mower we’d be sitting around now looking for holidays I’m going away with the family this year and we will be away for his birthday dont know how ill cope with that but I had some of his ashes put in a ring so ill feel his with me
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Hi, yes im gling away with friends at the beginning of May, will feel strange not texting my partner that im at the airport, that ive arrived safely at my destination, and all the usual texts that i send when i go away with ‘the lads’.
Though i do get strength knowing she would want me to and enjoy myself.
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