The tears still flow a year later

A year has passed since losing my Wife and I still struggle with grief and tears . So often my memories seem to dwell or take me back to the negative spells of our 60 marriage and I end up in floods of tears . I feel solely responsible for this but sense tells me we could not have lasted 60+ years if this was all true. Truth be told I have been less than perfect, but an undeniable fact has been my absolute love for her . this in itself could sometimes present problems . I was also a work obsessed business retailer and times were very tough for us both in the early years. Alcoholism was also problem for me in the middle years . Thankfully I managed to win that battle and the last twenty years were pretty good and we caught up on all the things that we were unable to do in the past. I need to sit down in a one to one situation with a councillor and unload all my distress and talk it it out before it destroys me . I feel it probably needs to be with an ordained minister as it involves my spiritual well-being
If anybody can point me a way to get this help I would be so grateful .

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Similar period since I lost my wife too Terry and I share many of your feelings and emotions; regrets and guilt and are two of the most common side effects of bereavement.
I think you are wise to consider counselling, although, it’s not for everyone and it’s important to find one that you have a synergy with. It might not be the first person that you work with.
As to an ordained minister, I’m not in a position to help, I parted company with religion a long time ago, however the link below provides a pdf with a list of resources within and allied to the C of E. I hope something there might be of help.
I wish you solace in your grief…

As a like soul In loss I appreciate you taking time to reply and I wish you well . I will take the link you added . Thank you!

Counselling is worth trying. Just getting things off your chest can help.

No partnership is perfect - how could it be.?
I was with my hubby for nearly 50 years, we both had faults but that’s what marriage and life is all about.
Not being together 24/7 normally
we found lockdown a bit tense but we got thru it.

Two years on – my tears are never far away, but I embrace them as my connection to him.

G. X