Finding NYE really hard this year, can’t stop my tears this morning. We were never fans of NYE celebrations, a few drinks & if we managed past midnight all well & good. But the thought of another year without Derek just breaks me. Had a text conversation this morning with my sister who still has her lovely husband. Went like this …
Sister… what you up to today?
Me … not really a fan of NYE probably be in bed by 9
Sister… we’ll be the same we’ll be in bed early too.
Wanted to scream it’s not the same, you’re a “We” you’ll go to bed early with the one you love because you want to. I’ll be in bed early because I hate the thought of another year without my Derek.
My sister was my strength in the early days, don’t know how I’d have got through. But as the years have gone on & I’ve put on a brave face she probably, like a lot of people, thinks I’m ok. This year in particular they went away for Christmas & she sent me lots of photos of them together. Now I don’t begrudge her these moments at all, I just think surely she realises that I’d give anything to have that again. I know I probably sound jealous & in a way I suppose I am but not in the way that I don’t want her to have happiness, I do, she should cherish every moment. But surely a bit of sensitivity wouldn’t go amiss?
Sorry for the ramblings I just needed to share.
Love & strength to all today & for all your tomorrows
Until someone goes through it themselves, they can never truly understand, no matter how hard people try and empathise, it is a unique pain that cannot truly be conveyed to others
This will be new year number 8 for me. We did not do much for Christmas, the children all grown up, and doing their own things. But new year was something we would stay up for. Have a little drink, and toast one another, wishing a happy new year. I still stay up, and have a small drink, watch the fireworks on the telly. Then shed tears knowing I’m alone again for another year. It wont be a happy one, but I’ll carry on as usual, without my loved one. No ne years kiss.
My first NYE without him. I am finding harder than I thought. Lots of tears. We didn’t celebrate new year. Usually recorded the fireworks. This will be the last day of the last year of his life. Not really helped that in the next 3 weeks I have to go to the doctors surgery 8 times. Not easy for me as I have mobility issues and no car. I am fortunate I have a friend who has committed to all 8 and a car big enough to take my rollator.
Hope we all gradually get to deal with our grief in the new year. My counselling starts in 8th January.
Xx.
Sandra
@Pudding
You have put into words exactly how I feel today, that it is the last day of the last year of his life. I knew it would be hard today but it’s worse than I thought, your words sum up the finality of it. I had him for most of this year but I won’t have him at all next year, except always in my heart. I’m glad your counselling is starting, I think I’ll be waiting another 2 to 3 months yet. Take care xx
My husband died June 6. Two days before his birthday and I month before our 50th wedding anniversary. He was my carer. Life without him not just emotionally hard it is physically hard. Every single thing is a struggle.
I can only hope the counselling helps me manage the emotional side.
@Pudding
It puts my life into perspective when I realise the additional burdens that people have to deal with. The extra stress of physical problems must be soul destroying at times. Hopefully your friends and neighbours are continuing to be there for you. Xx
I don’t think anyone really understands unless they’ve lived it. I don’t think those who haven’t been where we are get the impact of it. I find nobody gets the as I refer to it “when you close your door at night” the empty chair, the empty bed, somebody there to talk to. The impact of tea times, bedtimes etc if that makes sense x
@Sah28
Yes it does make sense, nobody would understand it who hasn’t been through it. All the empty times.
Like you @Catrin1 I am also finding tonight really difficult. Don’t know whether to just go to bed rather than wait for the bells. It’s just awful x
just do what’s right for you x