There is only short term respite from my grief. How about you ?

Anne passed 2 months ago on the 12th July from pancreatic cancer. My dearly loved wife of 50yrs. Im pushing 74. In the early weeks it seemed I was coping despite grief attacks hitting me every so often. I changed the living room furniture around to create a new environment ; sitting in Anne’s chair to avoid seeing it empty of my beloved. It worked for a while. I got through the shopping trips on my own and survived the dreaded grief attacks. I felt pleased with myself. I learnt to cook the easy way using a microwave steamer to cook the veg to supplement the ready meals I eat. All of them the healthiest I could find. That created a psychological lift for me. Washing and housework went well and I surprised myself in my efficiency. And when Im with friends and family I act my old optimistic self. I even feel like my old self. BUT - So what Im saying now is all those little past victories have now worn thin and threadbare. I’m now, in the present day norm: a shadow of the man I used to be. Yes I’ve proved I can survive but that’s just it - surviving but not living. I’ve had counselling in the past for clinical depression but that too had a short term effect. It’s now controlled with meds. But there are no meds for grief, are there? Specially in the lonely evening times. Some will say ’ But its early days yet Geoff.’ Early days for what I say. Another relationship? No way. Anne was, and always will be the only love of my life. Well perhaps I could hitch hike around the world like a 50yr old could. Erm! No. And clubs or associations leave me cold, always have done. Too ‘clicky’ So where does that leave the future? I honestly don’t know or even care. Like many of you good people I’m at present living a zombie life style, trudging on just for the sake of it. WOW! That was a long and somewhat depressing post wasn’t it? But truly folks that’s where I am at the moment. Any inspiration responses gratefully recieved folks.

Love and Light.Geoff.

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Hi Geoff agree with your every word ,when my wife Jane was alive we talked about death had everything in place so she would not have to go through what I have suffered this last 10 months,money ,paperwork less grief as possible if anything happened to me she used to say nothings going to happen you I won’t let it how right she was she passed away last November I am still here living a total nightmare without her and being here alone absolutely nothing and I mean nothing can help the life and grief I have without her ,I am beginning to think all round society insults us bereaved wives ,husbands ,partners can’t anyone who as not yet had this grief what can they say will it bring my Jane back to me
One example of ignorance I had to apply for my over seventies driving licence it asks married,single or other what difference does it make make yes I am still married to her always will be ,single I’m not ,other is that that bloody word widower l’m certainly not that either after 43 years of marriage.
All the best for us both MM69

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Thanks for replying MM69
Indeed we are both walking the same painful path. Nothing; and I mean nothing or nobody can help, compensate or substitute the loss of our loving soul mates. I post on this site and one other to simply express my grief as a way of somehow getting a little of this poison out of my system. Of course I always welcome any responses such as your own my friend and long may any replies continue. To me this site is as close to counselling as it can get. I have no need to bare my soul to a complete stranger no matter how loving their intentions and have them see me cry - but with no remedy. I can cry on my own and I do - a lot. My dear old Dad once said to me, and these are his words. " I don’t believe hell exists son. We live our own hell here on earth." How right he was. Take care my friend and feel free to message me anytime you may feel like it.

Love and Light.
Geoff

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