This sums up exactly how I feel x
I feel the same as you itās so hard
This is so very true, you donāt say my other half for nothing because you become entwined as a couple. Even if you have your own hobbies or go out on your own with friends, you come back to your other half, talk about your day. I have some good friends who I go out with, they are still part of couples, but although I enjoy myself, the going back to an empty house makes my heart ache. Only people who have experienced the loss of a partner can understand that. Losing any loved one is awful but the loss of the person who you chose & who chose you to spend both your lives together is on a completely different level. You lose your life as it was & your future plans & dreams. Sending love & strength to all on this journey xx
Sorry for your loss take care xx
I feel exactly the same and miss my beloved more than I can ever express. Wife, best friend, but most of all my heart.
Itās been 6 months 27.11 and every Thursday afternoon I have a ācaring over a cuppaā for anyone who has been bereaved. I found I have gained so much sharing our stories together. Ido this to honour the memory of my darling wife who was always chatting to others then bringing them home to chat their āproblemsā with us over a cuppa.
Itās hard sometimes because I feel her loss so intensely but know hopefully she would be proud of what Iām trying to do in her name.
We are all in this together, a smile and a kind word costs nothing abut can make another persons day, we never know what others are going through.
The hardest part for me is going from us to me and from ours to mine.
In my thoughts and prayers.
John (and marian)
I always try to include with wifeās name in brackets as she is always in my heart x
John what a lovely idea ācaring over a cuppaā.
Do you do it in your home or at a venue?
I think itās nice signing you wifeās name - I donāt know what to do about Christmas cards as I want c to write they are off me and Brian but I know some will find it odd.
Best wishes
Jo
Thank you Jo, itās held in our home.
Im Dreading Christmas to be honest, it will be the 1st one so know it will be hard.
Family very supportive, my concern is my grief affecting them as they too are grieving marian.
I trust you have as best time as you can.
Our loved ones are irreplaceable but will meet them again one day is my hope.
I have no problem using my beloveds name and I know family & others understand. Do what you feel is best for you and gives you peace.
Kind regards, john (and marian) 
Iām feeling quite panicky now about Christmas.
It was this time last year my husband started to lose his fight with Leukaemia, and was in and out of hospital. He died at home a few days before Christmas.
I am lucky to have a caring family, but for the first time in my life, will be waking up alone Christmas morning this year. Will be out for dinner with family, then back to an empty house Christmas night.
I canāt face shopping, seeing couples laughing and holding hands just makes me so upset.
X
I am dreading it too - it will be christmas mourning. This will be my first Christmas without Brian (he died in August suddenly and unexpectedly). He was Mr Christmas and i am already finding the cherished spirit in shops and on tv challenging and we are only half way through November. I am hoping my sister will invite me to hers - we used to alternate between going to her house one year c and having Brianās adult children the other and we should have been having them this year. It is going to be horrible not having him here c to spoil and no one to spoil me.
That should be Christmas spirit not cherished - sorry
Hi @AnneC & Jo,
I havenāt faced Christmas on my own yet but for our 55th wedding anniversary my bereavement counsellor suggested getting marian a card and a little present. I did this mind you the card had writing and tears on but it felt good to write my heart to her as I normally would, the same with the present label.
I intend to do the same this Christmas.
My daughter & son in law coming over and to be honest dreading it as I donāt want my grief to spoil their Christmas, for me, the worst part will be when they leave and I have an empty bungalow with our 2 rescue cats. The Siamese still looks out the front room window calling/crying, he is sensitive to when I am down and just snuggles up.
Iām really glad this forum is hear because it really helps chatting to others who really understand and āget itā
Kind regards, john (and marian) 
Thatās sad sorry for your loss my first Christmas without Michelle this time last year we were looking forward to Christmas I have put my tree up I want to enjoy Christmas was not going to bother since I joined this on line community I am more positive had some lovely words of support thank you stay safe have a good Christmas memories will keep us going take care xx
So sorry for your loss.it will be my first Christmas without Michelle so I understand where you are coming from Michelle died on 7 February valentineās Day was the.saddest and longest day in my life did a very foolish thing looking back started drinking at 9;am was still on it 11.30 pm if my brother had not phoned me to check on me at 11.45 I donāt think I would have woke up next month godās honest truth I was in a very dark lonely place I swear down Michelle was here with me that night my brother told me go to bed I did had a few hours woke up complete different I also had two seizures two nights together l am ok now touch wood they put it down to the.beer and shock
Morning that should be sorry
This is so true, apart from the four months I was in hospital, I was his main carer. Whilst he couldnāt visit, we talked on the phone numerous times a day, he protected me from calls when I was in pain and struggling, I made sure he was cared for at home (he was bed bound), we were both lonely without each other and less than three months after I came home heās gone. He passed five weeks ago today, age 51, he went peacefully in his sleep, Iām just grateful that I slept in the chair that night, so he wasnāt alone, any distress I would have heard, he had depression and felt lonely in his hospital bed in the living room so I slept in the chair a few nights a week. I woke up and thought he was asleep, he looked so peaceful, it was only as time passed, he was too quiet
Jo, I canāt possible ever do Christmas again: I was expecting Sharon home from the hospital on Christmas Eve - but instead she called me to say that the doctors had just told her (while alone): āyou have just 3-4 days to live, so we are stopping all treatmentā (and walked out leaving her alone). So Christmas Day morning we (I had joined Sharon on Christmas Eve in the hospital and refused to leave, despite their covid rules etc) went to a hospice in an ambulance. How can I ever do Christmas again? How can I send cards? How dare anyone send me a card saying āMerry Christmasā etc?
So, I might just do vouchers for close family, but for me, Christmas will just be awful. (PS: despite the hospitalās (lack of) treatment, Sharon lasted 5 months longer as the hospice fed and hydrated her, but thatās another story).
Jomar. How very lovely of you to do a 'caring over a cuppa ā day in memory of your wife. I too try to keep all my friends together and we have a ladies day every werk. ( plus 1 man)
God bless. I know how hard it is when you loose someone so close. X
Dennis I can only imagine how hard Christmas must be for you - its hard enough without the associations you have in relation to Sharonās care. Take care of yourself
Jo
