Hi. Johnswife. Now that is very generous of you and puts to rights any harm done. It’s the kind of understanding we all need. Holding grudges and resentment is not good for anyone. Blessings, and may you begin to just feel a little better. John.
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Hi Jonathan, I don’t think Pat’s post was in any way meant to be offensive but she herself said she expected johnswife to reply in the way she did??
What was intended I think as a motivational post came across as one of one those ‘pull yourself together’ pieces of advice. Meant well but not helpful. Many of us know what we should be doing to make progress but sometimes it is out of our hands. Not because we’re not making an effort but can’t yet see the direction life is going. In the same way bones heal differently in individuals so do minds. By all means give others hope and encouragement but perhaps more sensitively.
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Sorry I wanted to get off this topic,
But I wasn’t aware that any of us knew each other. We come together from all over in an effort to try and do the best we can to help others, we are all grieving. And by the way I have certainly not moved on from my grief and doubt I ever will.
Now lets get on with trying to be supportive to each other and make a good impression on new members who would appreciate some love, help and encouragement.
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Yes indeed!!!
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Hi. Jobar. Thank you for that, and I do feel words have power. They can also be taken in so many ways. When we talk the tones of our voice indicate our intentions far better than when we write. So much is lost in the written word. If we can speak and write with kindness and understanding it costs so little and means so much.
Bless you, and take care. John.
If someone says something to you on here that you do not feel is helpful, you can always explain to them why it isn’t helpful. That’s a lot better than attacking them. No one deserves to be falsely accused of things, I have had people here lie about me, that I always like to argue, that I am always angry, I don’t give a **** about people who lie about me, I will always challenge lies (probably not what Sue Ryder’s moderators want to read!), but others might not have the same resolve, and if you make wild allegations against someone, it might put them off from posting in future. Please think twice before you accuse people of things.
Also, just because something isn’t helpful to you, it doesn’t mean it cannot be helpful to anyone else.
Anyway, it’s nice that johnswife has retracted her accusation that Patti knew her post was going to cause upset, that should be respected.
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Thank you everyone for agreeing civilly to resolve this and move on from the argument - let’s try to do this now.
Does anyone else have any suggestions for coping with low energy and motivation? I liked @Tillwemeetagain’s suggestion to try to plan one very small task per day - has anyone else tried this, and what sort of achievable plans have you tried?
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My Nan when she became housebound she would every morning do her “thin lizzy” workout. It still makes me chuckle. I was very tempted to buy her a leotard and leggings. Sometimes. She would even just stay in her chair and do the leg routines. She would also write to all of us grandchildren. To keep her mind active. She wasn’t old in any way only 70 but she was virtually blind by the age of 70. One day I received a letter from her. And she had meant to put a ten pound note in my letter but because of her sight. What I actually received was a packet of sugar. The type you get from coffee shops. 
. God bless her
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@PeterL Thank you for your post yesterday. I think sometimes people forget how recently we lost the love of our life and how unbearable it is. How the days drag and the evenings are so dark now. I hope you are feeling a bit better? 
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Hi Johnswife -What a mess we are all in --Its been 15 weeks now since I lost my husband. I come to this site to be with others that understand and I have taken on some great ideas from others to try and get some coping strategies in place and sometimes they work and sometimes they dont.t I go from coping and being positive to a crying hopeless mess and sometimes this can be in the same day and its so exhausting --we have to be kind to ourselves cause this grief is so hard. I think support people fade away as they realise they cant fix the problem and get disheartened when you don’t ’ get better ’ . I don’t blame them --how can anyone understand this grief if they haven’t experienced it. Just want to send strength and love to you x
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@Trac Ah thank you for your message. It’s a bloody nightmare isn’t it? Your right people just want us to be OK. I have said before I always had a plan B. Not for this 
You take care of yourself and love and hugs from me
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I have to speak up for Pattidot, she is one of the kindest and most compassionate people on this forum. I do not intend to start an argument with anyone, but I do believe that she has been judged harshly for her very well meaning post.
She has been very kind to me and was the first person to respond to my first posting, any advice which she gave was with the best intentions.
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Hello Trac. It is now the same time, 15 weeks, since my darling wife died. I have no family although villagers have been very kind and supportive but now, as you said, they are gently disengaging. They have their own lives to live and I think older couples tend to look at me and think which of us is going first and how would I cope being in Peter’s place? All very understandable but it leaves us with a slight feeling of rejection to add to our other awful emotions.
I believe that the love that we all feel for each other here on SR is immensely important.
I send you mine, plus a hug.
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@MaryL If you had read the previous posts you will see she apologised and I have accepted she didn’t mean to cause any upset. We have agreed to move on. Thank you.
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Thank you Johnswife.
I am going to repost Priscilla’s earlier message, just so late repliers can see it further down the thread.
Take care. Stay safe.
Audrey
Priscilla. Sue Ryder staff
Thank you everyone for agreeing civilly to resolve this and move on from the argument - let’s try to do this now.
I am pleased Johnswife, thank you for telling me.
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Hello, my husband died 4 weeks ago. I really understand how you feel and how futile everything seems. Most days l would happily die, but am trying to plan something every day with friends and family (mostly walking coz of covid) so l have a little structure and am not inside all day. I don’t have children but have lovely family and friends and know l need to get out, even if l don’t want to. Everyone is different l know, and there is no right way to grieve. Do you have other neighbours? Or could you help your neighbour with cancer with anything? Just a thought.
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@Kay1 Thank you for posting on my topic as your first post and welcome to the community we all don’t want to belong to. I am so proud of you for posting when your husband died so recently. Please post on here as there are many lovely people who will respond. I don’t have any other neighbours but the lady who had cancer is lovely. We just started going swimming before lockdown. I found it very good for my mental health and so did she. We are very miserable because the pool is closed. Once I move home I hope things will be easier. Nothing will ever be the same again. Take care
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