evening Liz, not sure if someone has already mentioned to you about the comfort of writing all your thoughts, emotions and daily activities in a journal. I have been writing in mine since 31st October last year and nearingvthdcrnd of my second volume, for me personally it has priced to be a connection to Alan, you see, I.hage always believed in the spirit world and my first 'sighting ’ was if my grandfather who passed on my 4th birthday, we were extremely close in the short time I knew him. he’s always been there to protect me. my father passed 13 years ago in 3 days, and he too has sent signs to let me know he’s close by to give me encouragement and to confirm I’m doing the right thing when I’m questioning my actions. since Alan passed I have received countless messages and signs from him. so by writing in my journal I get to feel a closer attachment to him, when I’m writing about my day I get thoughts from nowhere andc take those as his replies to my writings. Spirit communicates through subtle messages, visitations in dreamstate and through thought. sometimes trying too hard we tend to miss the subtle messages and signs. I sometimes get a sign in the form of a car registration plate, an example is one sunday I was going over and over in my mind about a recent dilemma and worried my conclusion was the right one, just as I asked if I’d done the right thing, a car pulled in front of me bearing my dad’s 3 initials in the registration, (my dad had 3 Christian names). likewise a couple of weeks later, again as I was driving, I was turning over in my mind a decision I’d taken and wondering if, again, it was the right choice, I was asking Alan if I’d made the right choice because I couldn’t consult him before finally deciding, with that, at the roundabout, a car was in front with the registration 5 FEB (was a personalised plate) Alan’s birthday is 5 Feb. what more confirmation did I need to prove decision was the right one… none. it was there in front if me.
so, if you haven’t already started writing in a journal, then please give it a try, it is truly a lovely and wonderful way to set down your emotions, thoughts and daily activities and though your Ed is here in the room with you, which of course he is albeit in spirit form, but he’s still there close by.
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
I know my beloved Rob is getting me through all this.He died 2 weeks ago and I seemed to go into autopilot to cope with all the official stuff.I had no one else to help.He was always the dominant one in the relationship.I didn’t even like answering the phone,that was his job.He gave me the strength to get everything done.It’s all so final now.
I feel guilty that I will not be at my husbands cremation this week.I decided on a Direct cremation because I can’t face the thought of seeing his coffin and I can’t bring myself to be there for the scattering of his ashes.It doesn’t mean I don’t love him any less,if anything,I loved him too much.I just want his forgiveness.
Hi there Jill, please don’t feel guilty at not being at the cremation, I too very nearly didn’t go to Brian’s. I didn’t want people invading my grief, I wanted it to just be me and Brian and I wanted to go to somewhere we enjoyed going together, far out into the country as we was walkers, just me, him and the dogs but I seemed to be dragged along into the cremation service. I coped but wonder if I should have bothered as not one of his family or friends have contacted me since. I wish I had, had the strength at that time to do as I wanted and what he wished also. To be honest I think it would have meant more to not have to go through that service. It would have just been the two of us.
I don’t know what you have planned for that day but do what you feel you can cope with, he will be with you and not at the crematorium.
I didn’t go to my dads cremation. I backed out at the last minute as I, like you, couldn’t face seeing that coffin. Dad was a fit man in his forties and it didn’t seem real to visualise him in that box. I walked in the local woods by my mothers house and thought of him with the love I felt for him.
Take care
Pat xxx
A direct cremation means that he will be taken from the Mortuary by private ambulance to the crematorium.His ashes will be scattered in the garden of Rememberance.They will e mail me the day after to tell me.That’s the next hard part now.He’ll keep me strong
Of course he will keep you strong. This cremation is what my husband wanted but as one of his family is in the undertaker buisiness it was just taken over and I hadn’t the strength to object but wish I had. People who attended (it was by invitation only) said that it was alovely service and just what he would have wanted but I knew it wasn’t. Although he led a band as the singer he normally didn’t like being the centre of attention. A CD of him singing was played and I know he would have cringed but it was lovely but I still regret it not being just me and him as he really wanted. With no fair weather friends or family. I felt absolutely no connection as I stared at the coffin and knew he wasn’t there. If I had walked up into the hills and met him there he would have been much happier.
Your husband will be with you on that day and please forget about guilt.
What day is the direct cremation and myself and others on the forum will be thinking of you, you will not be alone.
Pat xxx
My husband died of sepsis too. Only a few weeks back. I am riddled with guilt that I didn’t realise what was happening to him. He wasn’t ready to go either even though he had cancer. It’s just impossible to grasp that I will never see him again. We were together for 45 years and I love and miss him so much. It is just unbearable. I don’t want to live my life without him. It’s just too hard.
Shirl
Im 18 years old, I lost my dad 2 months ago to suicide. He took his life while I was away on holiday, the day before I came home. I never got chance to say goodbye or tell him how much I loved him. My mum and sister say they feel him around them and my sister visited a clairvoyant where he came through and spoke to her. They also have really vivid dreams about him. I don’t get these feelings, I feel like he isn’t trying to communicate to me because he didn’t love me as much. I’m longing for him to cuddle me or just the feeling of holding his hand one more time. I miss him so so much I just want a sign
Hi Barbcon - It has been 5 months and I too thought that I would have a dream, but it hasn’t happened yet. It is very saddening. I was listening on the radio to a tv personality that lost his dearly beloved father and how devastated he was. He said that he kept hoping for some kind of sign. After 6 years he finally had a dream of his father, and it was wonderful. So we can just patiently wait and hope we are rewarded.
Hi shirl, so sorry for your loss it is coming up to 12 months for me 18/12/18, and I still feel so sad inside I keep reliving that last 48 hours, I kept asking could it be sepsis, they reassured me it was a bad case of cellulitis and then he went into septic shock, his last words to me before he became unconscious were why are you crying I’m not dying am I, I don’t think this picture will ever leave me, he would have been 70 this Thursday, I keep trying to be positive but it is so hard, i lost my only sister in July aged 68 and this has added to my sadness, I do have a lovely cocker spaniel (misty) she keeps me going and gets me out of the house take care and look after yourself Jan x
Hi heather, nearly 12 months for me 18/12/18 and I to haven’t had a sign or even a dream of my husband, I have tried meditation, but to be honest I find it impossible to empty my mind, as I still relive his last few hours, I seem to take one step forward and two back, I feel lonelier and sadder than I did 6 months ago, think winter may have something to do with that. We can only hope that one day we will get that sign one day take care Jan x
Hi @Ediemay, I see that this is your first post, and I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear that you’ve lost your dad to suicide at such a young age.
I’m so sorry also that you feel as though he didn’t love you as much. Grief can really mess with your head and cause all kinds of fears and doubts, but your dad’s actions when he was alive are what show you how much he loved you. From reading posts on this site, I can see that some people do have vivid dreams or feel their loved one’s presence, but others don’t - and that doesn’t reflect on the relationship at all.
I’m glad that you’ve found this site, and I hope it helps even a tiny bit to be able to share things with others who’ve lost loved ones. When you feel ready, you may also wish to start a new conversation in the Losing a Parent category to get more replies from others in similar situations.
Here is another conversationyou might be interested to reply to: Losing mum to suicide
There is also a really good organisation called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide, which offers lots of support, including a telephone helpline, support by email and local support groups.
If there’s anything I can help with or you have any questions about this Online Community, you can contact me at online.community@sueryder.org.
Hi my Mam died of cancer 5 weeks ago at home kthe day before they had brought her a hospital bed the next night when she died under the hospital bed was a big white feather xx
Thank you for your reply. Although I
am so sad for you and your posts make me cry, you are the first person I have ever messaged. I really feel much the same as you do. I keep reliving my husband’s last few days when I kept trying to get help for him. We were badly let down by our GP practice and everyone else. I keep thinking if only I’d done this or rang so and so. It’s exhausting and won’t change anything. Not for him anyway. I hope you find some peace for yourself. It’s been only a few weeks for me and I’m just so, so heartbroken that I just can’t function. My heart goes out to you as I feel your pain. Sending much love to you. Shirl x
Hi shirl, the pain we feel when we lose our soul mates is devastating but when we feel the professionals who should have helped let us down it just adds to the pain, I constantly berate myself for not being more assertive, I’m a retired nurse and I was convinced he had all the sepsis markers as were the paramedics, but they kept telling me no it was just a bad infection, on the Sunday night ( he died on the Tuesday morning) I begged the nurses to move him to HDU as I could see he was detiorating but I was told he didn’t reach the criteria, less than 24 hours later he was rushed to ICU, by then it was to late. I feel I let him down and 12 months on it still haunts me and always will, I hope you eventually find some peace take care Jan x
It’s been 8 weeks since I lost my Mum suddenly. I was her carer for 23 years. I think I’m not dreaming about her because, it would be too much emotionally at this present time.
Hi there my wife Jane passed away last November so last Christmas never existed possibly the same as this coming one I am on my own just me and little dog a nephew and niece 160 miles away that’s all , anyway a few days ago for some reason decided to send cards to close friends we had made over our 43 years of marriage all live far away,for the last 2-3 days have been trying to remember the surname of a pal Jane made friends with 30 years ago she had sent and received cards during that time ,her name and address wasn’t in Jane’s address book , surprising ly because Jane had always been one for sending cards to people be it Christmas, birthdays, special occasions etc.
Today going mad trying to think of her surname I said can you tell me her name Jane out loud straight away it popped into my mind what it was as if Jane had answered me the address on bt phone book refresh ed my memory,some people may may say after 43 years together you get to know what each other are thinking,do I think Jane is still here you bet I do and until it’s my turn to join her hope for visitions and guidance like today
Kind regards MM69
Hi MM, Your wife is still definitely with you. Brian came to me many times in the early days. He helped me to find things that I had no idea about. Even to a case all locked up that was underneath so much stuff. It was full of information… He got a message to me that he didn’t want his ashes to go to the place that I had arranged which was a family woodland cemetery. I brought him home to his home town to be with his grandparents overlooking the river he sailed on and next to the allotment we have which was his wish. He had never discussed his wishes with me in life. When I visited the resting place of his beloved Aunt and placed two red roses a white feather fluttered to me and then a Robin landed next to me and very close to the feather. I like to believe that is was the two of them together enjoying their usual gossip and acknowledging my gesture of placing the flowers.
All the best
Pat xxxx
Most of us feel that our loved ones are always with us but I have an added problem now as I am having very vivid dreams about a partner I had before I met Brian. I have had dreams of him before but never given it a thought, although thought it a bit peculiar.
I had one of him in September, he looked the same as he had when I last saw him which was years ago. He held my hand and told me he didn’t regret the seven years we was together, as he left he said he would be back and then recently I had another dream and in it I was lost on a long dark track and he came and led me to safety. He was quiet and said nothing which was very different to him as he was an extrovert and full of life and this is the weird bit as I told him I loved him, which shocked me when I woke up. The breakup was not a bad one it had just run it’s course and he had met someone else but said he would give her up if I would marry him. I wouldn’t so he married her three weeks later. It didn’t last and he left the area I havent seen or heard anything of him since so why am I having such vivid dreams about him now, I haven’t given him a thought for years. Now I have sorted out old photographs. I also had a dream that said my guardian angel would have long blonde hair and blue eyes, exactly his description when I last saw him. I am now concerned that something has happened to him. Anyone have a knowledge of this sort of thing cause I can’t work it out. I’m grieving for my Brian, not an old love long since gone.
xxxx