Thank you for your encouragement manb I will keep trying . You have helped me many times over the past 18months. I think you started on here about the same time as I did. The main problem is still meeting new people as John and I were all we needed.so didn’t make many friends. It’s still hard trying to get to various clubs as I don’t drive and there’s only one bus an hour going past my house.. hopefully you can relax a little when they get your mam settled. I don’t know how you’ve coped so well so far. Hoping things will improve for you soon. Xx
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thank you,i wonder sometimes too how ive dealt with adrians death and mothers decline,adrenaline maybe?. im so glad ive got family here this weekend or i may crash. you take too,and keep up the positivity x
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bank holiday is over,family departed early,always busy busy.i feel totally deflated,i have realised we have not “talked”,do i expect too much? my son doesnt seem too bothered that im coping alone with issues around mother,my lovely D.I.L.asks if im OK,i say its tough but i will manage,no choice but to manage,they have gone back to Portishead,work/school. Today im going to my mothers flat to sort out the mess,nasty job,but it will keep me busy today,luckily our gardener says he will take what needs burning away to his farm and incinerate,but i need to sort through first,including getting the bedroom carpet up,im sure if i struggle he will do it for me,but i will have a go,armed with stanley knife,cut into lengths,or thats the plan! a friend is going to help later in the week,sort clothes to go to care home and stuff for charity shop,at least there isnt a time schedule/deadline,but i know if i leave it too long the task will be come a real chore,plus of course there is the “hygiene”aspect. ohh big strong adrian i miss you so much. how are you all?
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Really feel for you having to deal with your mumand care home .my mum went into care , i couldnt have coped without my husband..such a stressful time.
Isnt it strange how we dont really talk to family ..i see my son and when ive left him i think why didnt we talk.
My son is getting married on saturday.its going to be really difficult..i cant think about it without crying ..but i want to enjoy it too …so hopefully i will have cried all my tears before xx
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aww julie,i guess it will be tough,i couldnt even face a friends wedding last summer,not sure i could now. ,i got the carpet up,plus bagged more junk,every bag done now is a bag less later,im exhausted,bones hurt,and tired =emotional. really need a good sleep tonight and a day at home tomorrow. x
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Just read your posr!
I am the same. I look at people and say in my head be happy!
44years for us too. All happy.
So cruel..
And like everyone it is the lonely days, hours and the dreaded weekends make it sooooo very hard going!
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Weekend over ! It really is so tiring, but I suppose that we find ourselves doing the work of two people whilst coping with our grief, no wonder we feel exhausted most of the time. I daresay your son is aware of just how difficult your life is whilst coping with the care of your mother, but does he really understand, I doubt it. No criticism of him because it just isn’t possible unless you have been there. Nigel loved his garden and I do struggle owing to arthritis etc, despite having someone in to cut the grass. Managed to plant some runner beans today, not sure why really, but Nigel always did so it just seemed the right thing to do. My back certainly knows I have done it !! I feel that when you are sorting out your Mother’s things it’s so hard because you feel a certain resentment that she is still here and the most important person isn’t despite being so much younger . I know how I felt about it. I don’t think that makes us anything other than human !
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everything you say is so true beryl. x
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hi julie,hope it goes ok tomorrow. mandy x
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evening everybody,hope you are all doing ok. i have had 100%help in sorting out my mothers flat,having started it myself,and moving bed/taking up carpet,which drained all my energies both mental and physical,the gardener said STOP,i will do total clearance.my wife will deep clean,ok he charges,but not a lot,and to be honest im not too bothered about ££,i can sit back and try and get my mojo back(whatever mojo is) which is what i was doing with a cuppa this afternoon,flicking through channels on the tv,and there was a sculpture of a tall man embracing a short lady,i took one look and my world fell apart,adrian was 6’3” im a foot shorter,how i miss those bear hugs,i think this stuff with mother,without his support has really got to me, i feel like i hav e gone 12 months backwards today. maybe having off loaded i can start to feel a whole lot better. 4 weeks today and im in corfu with my friend tracy,that too has to be a reason to get up and shake myself down.
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Aww thanksfor thinking of us …mixed feelings but going to make the most of it x
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Sorry thought i sent that message saturday .
Wedding went well . Couldnt have been nicer really.we all had a dance and a cry towards the end of the night ..only to be expected …but i kept it together all day .
My daughter went home yesterday and i was expecting to feel down .but ive had a nice day ,think im feeling releaved and proud of myself
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aww,good for you,you are a strong lady x
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Yes i do feel strong today and proud how we coped x
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Well done on sorting out your Mum’s place. It’s physically and emotionally draining . Time to put your feet up and hopefully get some down time, or whatever they call it these days !
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Hi Mandy
It was so heartwarming to hear that your gardener and wife were lifting the load You deserve it but it it doesn’t often mean a knight in shining armour will appear with his handmaiden to take that physical and psychological burden off you 
When something goes well I think your guard was down and when you saw that couple 
it hits you all over again
I had a similar experience last weekend
I thought this is going well I feel like doing the garden
Then it came to me Yes I can do it I can get through this but why - what on earth is the point of getting through
Fortunately I at last regained some equilibrium and decided not to be alone and go and visit family as a survival tactic and making that decision put me in control again
I’m finding the beauty around me very triggering and am trying to accept that just because I can’t share it with Paul doesn’t mean I should let myself be unhappy That’s the last thing he would want
I met such a lovely lady at the beach widowed 30 years
As I left she said - Remember and put her hand under her chin So encouraging
Take care all xx
ditto,he would hate it if he could see me having this struggle,i hate it too,because i was doing so much better than this,i suppose all this hastle with mother has hit me harder than i thought,especially as its such a relief for me knowing she is in a home where she can be cared for 24/7,and its not as if she knows where she is and is kicking up a fuss.ive got builders in,so trying to put on a brave face today,and by tomorrow maybe i shall have a bit more chin up. xx
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I’m struggling at the moment,thought I was doing ok but last couple of days been a nightmare, keep breaking down but have to put a brave face when out or with son 4 months today she died and her birthday in 2 weeks so God knows what state I’ll be in,
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Its really hard putting a brave face on isnt it ..people think you are doing ok .its difficult coping with highs and lows .
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yes its terrible my wife got took ill ijan 1st and died,what a start to the new year, we were out shopping the day before, really having a hard time lately
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