its cooler today,bit of drizzle has gone through,not enough to help the parched ground. our “happy place” is also off the beaten track down on the roseland gerrans and portscatho. still gets very busy but nothing like newquay/st ive/looe resorts. its just over an hours drive down there,so im ok doing that.if property prices werent so high down there compared with here,east cornwall,we would have moved there in 2013. im lucky,having sold the onsite van i have a friend whos also on her own i can stay with. keeps me in touch with the lovely local people we met there together over the years. being close to the happy place has certainly has put any ideas of moving to portishead near the family on hold. nothing wrong with portishead,infact it would be an ideal place, good shops/reasonably flat,/lots going on/good transport links/family….BUT no friends, the few REAL friends in cornwall i want to stay with at the moment,no doubt one day things will change. who knows,adrian and i did talk about this situation,but i found it too emotional to talk about life without him, im sure he knows that the family and i will make the right decision at the right time. xx
Hi Eve, I’m just plodding on as before. I’m retired so I get up and do the basics. I’m fortunate in that I have my sister who stays over sometimes. I have added hassle as my late partner’s estate is still in probate. I think I’ll get the house but nothing’ s finalised. I foolishly allowed my niece and her girlfriend to stay in my old flat, now
the girlfriend has left with my garage and bin store keys and taken some items from the flat. The heating and hot water is not working either. 90
Some days I just feel like screaming, I miss George so much. He would have helped me sort out all those problems. .I’m still lonely even when I’m with others I just keep on thinking about him. Sorry for being a total misery guts but I’m 10 months in now and it’s not getting easier. I understand your pain, thank you for asking after me. Take care.
Noreen.
Seaside was Paul happy place - Just wish he could have seen it yesterday The colour the waves Where did the time go? I can’t think we wasted it unless you count the wasted hours in the hospital
I don’t have to avoid our happy places now because at last I gave up on avoiding them and just kept going and going because he would have found it strange that I gave up on that beauty because I know his last worry was leaving me to have to go through this
I’ve just deleted a problem I was going to ask my SR friends!
Why ?
Just writing it out clarifies it and decision to not do anything is still best course for me
Enjoy the little bit cooler weather xx
As I look round the house and garden I see all the work that has to be done. I thought I was feeling a bit more positive but it seems fate was just teasing me. I know I’ll never accept John leaving but for some reason I feel so down. I think I might sell house as it is quite big for me. At one stage I would not have considered it but things change. The problem is slight subsidence which the insurance is still sorting out .they think it could be roots from council trees which they said need taking out . It’s been over a year now since they said it would be done. I don’t think I can sell the house with work still to do. It seemed these new tablets helped but now I’m not so sure as sadness has returned. Good Luck to all still looking for an answer. Yvonne.
Ah Sorry Yvonne you’re going through another rough patch
You certainly have reason to feel anxious with waiting to have the subsidence sorted out That does sound enough to knock you back with out having to deal with it on your own
It’s hard to make decisions when you’re in that state
I’m tending to go with what my heart tells me these days as sensible is not always a happy way to live
If your heart feels right about a situation it is easier to find the solutions to any problems
If your heart feels wrong then you don’t care about solutions Just my way of looking at things these days xx
morning,the happy place has left me feeling so low,never had this effect on me before,well,im presuming its that or im just going through a crap few days,its 22 months now,feels like 22 days in some respects,i saw my “wednesday friends”yesterday,had a little bit of a lip wobble,but managed to compose,and enjoy their company. today is tear fest day. but im keeping busy,hacked down some dead shrubs,drought i presume,maybe it will regenerate. ..not too bothered.im in conversation with family about train times,im going to them in 3 weeks, a few things in the diary,enthusiasm zero,im sure i shall buck up again,heck ive lots of practice on this roller coaster. im sure just by typing this i shall start to feel easier,bit like you and what was a problem becoming clear…strange existance isnt it! xx
aww yvonne,yes i for one was sure the new medication was helping you,there was so much more positivity when you communicated. i too feel really down at the moment,i went to our”happy place”at the weekend,it was all a bit overwhelming because i saw so many people,and was glad to come home,but now im teary,feel washed out with emotion ,this roller coaster is throwing me around,thought i was getting used to it…what a pair we are! i do hope insurence/authorities sort out what needs doing under your house,its quite something to be considering moving…quite positive yvonne. keep us up to date with how you are feeling. x mandy
It certainly is a strange existence . Nobody really understands the trauma of adapting to an entirely different way of life at an advanced age.
Feeling very wobbly today. I won’t go into the details but yesterday I foolishly accepted garden services from a cold caller which did not turn out well.
I don’t wish to alarm anyone but do please take care as it is very easy when you are feeling very vulnerable to be taken in by a kind word which is just a con by someone taking advantage.
ooohh nooo. sorry to hear,im afraid there is lots of it about..scoundrels xx
Hi. Thank you all for caring it really helps.I’m still alone problem with buses and taxis hasn’t changed. John’s happy place was in the car driving it didn’t matter where we were going although as he came from Selkirk. He loved touring Scotland. We went all around the coast stopping where we could. I still haven’t got anywhere to visit as I haven’t any flowers or memorials to him. He’s in an urn in the house and I can’t face throwing him away. I’ve looked for a rose for him or a memorial bench or anything but I don’t really care that much because he’s not anywhere. Roy hasn’t been for mini yet. It’s taxed insurance and passed mot. I’ll be a bit sad when it goes even though it is going to my granddaughter. The Audi is staying though I suppose I could say. being in there was his happy place. Wish I could find mine. Xxxx
sounds like you had many a happy place when touring,scotland. i have a rose in a large pot “you are my sunshine”. gosh,i thought the min was going couple of weeks ago,lucky grand daughter.. adrian loved driving,would go anywhere,it was me that insisted on a “stopover”after 4 hours drive in one day,a good way to see a bit more of the uk by having a stop. some of our random trips were all thanks to michael portillo on his rail travels. yup,i miss those days of freedom to go wherever…and then always back to the caravan on the roseland. 11 years of happy retirement before 11 months of dealing with diagnosis/prognosis/treatments/and the inevitable .and now 22 months of being on this wretched roller coaster. but thank goodness for this group! x
Oh Noreen, when we are grieving, we try to be nice to those who are still willing to contact us and they use our goodness as much as possible. Hugs from Janka
Sorry to hear you are feeling low..its hard isnt it .it doeant matter how much company you have its still hard ..
I seem to be surrounded by people going away with the loved ones .
Ive been away and been to my daughters so know I’m lucky ..but on bad days like today it makes no difference.
Hope you are feeling better soon x
Thank goodness for people like yourself who keep me going. The mini has been ready to go for a while just waiting for someone to come and collect it. I’m pleased you got some happy retirement years before sadness hit. John had 17 yrs but then was gone in two months. No treatment apparently it was too late for anything. Then he fell in hospital. Just had a phone call Roy will be coming up tonight to get mini and hopefully stay for the weekend. When will things start to improve. 
Hi, I ve had some dodgey gardeners this year. My partner died 10 months ago, he always looked after the garden himself except for a guy who did lawn treatments once a month. The grass was always in great condition. Both gardeners I’ve had have managed to ruin it with weed and moss killer not used properly, then tried to blame the recent weather. I didn’t know how difficult it is to get reliable gardeners. I wish I was fit enough to do it myself, if it wasn’t for the two big hedges I d probably have a go.
I understand. It’s so frustrating isn’t it !
Between the drought and arthritis it’s difficult to keep everything going. Trees are definitely beyond me so I jumped at the chance of some help without really thinking it through. The garden was my husband’s pride and joy and I just felt I was doing the right thing. You live and learn !
wow,im lucky,we (and my parents)have had the same gardener for decades,in our case it was just to deal with tree and shrub hedges on a yearly basis,and take it all away,then he started cutting 2 steep lawn slopes when adrian became poorly,and has stayed with me,no way can i manage anything other than a few weeds and watering “his rose”,we have hosepipe ban from tonight, that rose will not go dry. @Beryl1B i have had cold callers offerering tree/hedge work,i live in a cul de sac and the only house with hedges/trees roadside,an obvious target. one lot arrived,shiney new liveried van,they were in “uniform” all ready for a tv advert,!! and they already had a price in mind,cheek of it.yes,how easy it would be to fall for that charade if you needed work doing. as you ay lesson learnt. x
Hi, I feel I’ve let my partner down by not looking after the garden properly. I’ve tried but there’s bare patches and damage to the lawn edges now. One of the so- called gardeners tried to flannel me telling me it will grow back. I’m 71 arthritic and have back problems. It’s given me so much angst this spring and summer. George was always working in the garden weather permitting, he enjoyed it. He’s been gone for 10 months now.
early days norma,and you have been trying hard to keep things going for him. adrian hated gardening,it was a “chore” we thought that a mature shrub/tree garden would be easy…especially as we were “lock up and leave”. for long periods umm,shows how much we knew! i potter fight the weeds,hips/knees dont like it,i just like being outside,all too easy to sit and read outside. all too easy to sit and read anywhere,a distraction from real life,im 22 months now and it aint easy,sometimes i think im sailing along,then reality check. thank goodness for this site. xx
I was just about coping till the 6 months came since wifes death, now its slowely getting worse coming up to 7 months tomorrow, oh how I miss her, been in a bad place today, stopped in most of the day which is not like me I’m usually out and about passing the day.i thought it would get easier than this.