Beryl, I chose ‘You are my everything ‘ to plant for Ian, too. He died 8 weeks ago .
His ashes are in the garden, beneath this lovely wee rose bush. I cleared a small area right in front of where he always sat after working in the garden. The last time he was able to sit there was last summer because he gradually became so breathless that even using the little portable oxygen machine wasn’t an option for him.
I’m so pleased to hear your rose of the same name is flourishing well. 
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thanks beryl,its a lovely healthy large plant,only a few buds,ive fed it,and now await the new pot to be delivered,maybe by the 8th july(his 80th) i shall have some blooms.
I have been very silly.at around midnight a carpulled up and asked me if I could call a taxi as he was lost. I tried a few taxis but they all went to voice mail.he didn’t have a phone so I ended up letting him put Snapchat on my phone to call his girlfriend so she could call an Uber from her end. The Uber came in around 20mins and he left leaving his car on the drive which someone must have picked the next afternoon at around 5pm. It was only then I realised he could have taken all sorts of information like bank details from my phone. Or pushed me back into the house and attacked me. My son reported it to police who have just called and said I should be more careful and make sure doors are kept locked. This would not have happened. If John was here. I was really lucky but what do you do when there’s no one’s there to help you.?..?. I still wake up with the suicide demon on my shoulder and have to fight in bed for hours before I can get up. Be careful who you answer the door to late at night especially if you live alone. Xx
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How awful. But being alone is not easy. Take care & get a door camera
2 protect your self. As there r nutters out there.
Orbit I to have arthrites in both knees,very painful.Been denied any operation because i also have Lyphodema.I do drive,but long long journies are too painful.I am 74,and feel that my life is over.Looking into the future holds no joy for me.My children are good,but,work,have friends, daughter in laws relatives etc .I have trued to join one group,but they mostly organise walks,which i cannot do,and coffee mornings are held all over the place,and cannot always manage the drive.Thank goodness i have a lovely neighbour.She comes in for a cuppa everyevening after work,and her husband is on hand for any little emergency.I actually fibbed to one of my son’s that i felt unwell,because i could not face going to their house for supper,without my husband being with me,as we always had happy times there,and sitting next to his empty chair is just to much.He helped me in every way,was so kind,so patient,so loving.He did everthing for me,helped with the housework,cooked supper,ran errands,decorated,did the garden looked after the car.I feel sometimes that i am just missing all the help,feeling sorry for myself.I was married for 25 years,very young,had 3 beautiful son’s, but fell instantly and passionately in love with Ronnie when i first saw him Love at 1st sight does happen,and we had 31 years of happiness.He.lived for 18 months after his diagnosis,and bore it with a very stoic attitude,never complainig.He too had his treatment stopped altogether for about 5 months before he died,and he went down hill rapidly about 6 weeks before his death.I envy women and men who are able to move on with their lives,as we should.Women who go on holiday alone,my, i could never do that.I have had a man in my life since i was 17,am now 74.I am so glad we have people to talk to and open our hearts to each other on here.It is pouring with rain,majes me feel sadder than usual.I forced myself to do a chicken casserole today,fed up of living on a sandwich or crisps.Perhaps that is a little breakthrough.Wishing everbody on here a good night,and a comfort that we are all on this rotten journey together.
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oh my days,what a story,you have been lucky…phew!
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another weekend,i know we all seem to struggle with weekends,its very wet,my son and daughter in laws wedding anniversary,12 years,just as we started retirement,fab memories,lots of tears today.
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It is my 57th wedding anniversary tomorrow. I lost my husband September 2024. My daughter has booked us a family cream tea at the hotel where she got married 7 years ago on our golden wedding. I’m not sure how I will get through it. Just had his 79th birthday this week which was bad enough but our anniversary is a different ball game. I’ m going to try though, and I always say “because I carry it well, doesn’t mean it’s not heavy”.
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I lost my partner of 40 years one year & 2 months ago & my grief is just as raw still. I can disguise it for longer periods in public now, but in private it’s still unbearable 
Sending you a virtual hug .
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im with you every step of the way this month…too many “firsts”,so many memories,ive done little else but cry today,ive really sobbed sometimes. my grandsons are with their other nanny as mum and dad are away,she has done/doing so much with them this weekend,i feel so lonely,but she is on the doorstep,makes sense when school runs are involved,and i accept that,but wow its hard today.
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im 8 months…and 1 day. sometimes im doing ok,infact i thought i was “getting there”,then the tsunami comes back,and its taking some shaking off this time,if i go out i feel ok in the company of friends,albeit just a couple or three hours,but home alone i cant see the wood for trees again. thank goodness i can sit here and tell my story you need to have walked in our shoes to understand grief.
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Yes, too many “firsts” make our lives even harder. I hope you get some time with the grandchildren which will help. Tomorrow I’m facing a very hard day but I know I will get through it, albeit with some tears. Sending a virtual hug
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i will be thinking about you tomorrow,knowing its my turn in 2 weeks,i get upset knowing im going to be upset,not a great help is it?! its late,having my peppermint tea before i hope to get some sleep,im mentally exhausted from todays tear fest. nite nite
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Manb, Peppermint tea, are you needing to calm your stomach, My Elizabeth used to drink it all the time. I think it may have been a comment on my cooking 
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no rob,it just warms me,and i hope then induces relaxation/sleep. i tried camomile to no avail. to be honest im not sure anything works if my mind is in overdrive,and im not going down "take a pill"route as i have been sleeping quite well,just going through an "emotional bad patch"with a few “firsts” in the next4 weeks.
how did it go abbiesnan? x
It was a tough day I won’t lie,m but I got through it. Next one is this Sunday which is the first Father’s Day. My daughters are already dreading it, we usually spent it together as a family with a big BBQ
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its endless isnt it,we never did fathers day as something special ,but im very wary that this sunday is going to be full of people doing family stuff,so think i shall do something very boring like make it my shopping trip day. it will get me the house for a while and i wont be out where there are families. im going up to see my family the following wkend(20th). i have organised myself so im with friends for 48th wedding anniversary and adrians 80th birthday,thats it then till early october…then how do we feel? we’ve done it,survived? ,or here we go again…i dunno,hate thinking about it! wishing you and family well for sunday
Thank you. Until we go through it we won’t know how we will feel. I’m at a disadvantage not driving so don’t get out and about a lot and most of my cousins etc. live in London about 90 miles from me!but I have my 2 girls and granddaughters close by so that helps. Enjoy your visit to the family
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Eight months today since my husband’s unexpected death. Just had my 70th birthday. Not doing what we had planned but okay. Everything is just a little harder without my husband. I miss him so much.
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