Dont think i am ready to go anywhere on holiday on my own good for you i strive to go forward but a holiday on my own still seems like black and white rather than colour with my late wife sometimes posting on here is good but xmas is becoming very difficult probably because its the first without her
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My daughter lives in hertford ,she was home for neices wedding so it was a treat to go shopping with her .
Im also thinking springtime will be a better time.
Fingers crossed x
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this is a big step,but as i said to julie @JAH25 i need to do it,and now feels about the right time to test the water,and adrian never went on beach holidays with me,so it wont be a āmemory lane tripā,its me being āthe old meāā¦or trying! im finding this christmas,my second more difficult at the moment,maybe its because my mother is sick and im getting stressed,dealing with it alone,who knows. im going to put a few christmas lights up next week,inject some brightness, mandy
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i love centreparcs in the winter,enjoy!
I lost my mum 3 years ago ..its a stressful time caring for parents .
Thinking of you x
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Thank you, I have actually never been. I think it will do us all the world of good xxx
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my mother(95)has dementia,she doesnt know anybody,some sort of recognition of the care team,she calls everybody mary(not a clue in my lifetime who mary is/was)shes now bed ridden,not wanting fluids, her TEP form states no medical intervention unless acute situation,so the gp is happy to let her fade away,the carers are wonderful,allow me downtime,this is when i miss Adrian so much,the gentle giant hug of reassurance. So yes,i do need to get those christmas lights up next week,lift the spirits! x
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You do yes. I am going to . My mum is 81 had a heart attack last year , but now seems to be rallying. She has been on her own since she was 63 as Dad died at 67. He was Mr Christmas himself, he loved it. Used to sit listening to Jim Reeves with his whiskey! My husband was even younger when he passed so unexpectedly . So I am going to do it for both of them. Just got a bit sad walking the dog, then a beautiful rainbow appeared so made me smile x
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oh my days, gentleman jim and a drop of scotch,that was my dad too,!! he died 9 years ago at 90. yes,im feeling sad again,pre christmas,mother,13 months on my own..no good feeling sorry for myself thoā ācome on ol gal you can do thisā thats what adrian would be sayingā¦onwards and upwards. x
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Yes we have to do it. Silver Bells was my dadās favourite. I play it every year. I hope my husband is up there with dad. My husband was a Jack Daniels man. Hopefully they will be having a whiskey together x
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the ācelestial barāalways hoping that hes up there with all his friends from rugby and choirs enjoying an ale and a sing,the hought makes me feel good! x
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Im not religious but it does help to think there is an afterlife..altough he wont be happy at me sitting crying.hopefully next year will be better xx
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sometimes i think im being silly thinking that he is āsomewhere with friendsāthere are enough of them gone ahead,i just have this picture in my head,makes me smile,he certainly would be happy at my progress,sad at my tear days,he did say he was sorry for what i would have to deal withā¦bless him xx
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Anything that makes us smile is good x
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I think we can believe in what we want if it helps us get through. We never talked about what would happen if one of us passed. I thought we would have another 20 years. At least for his sake he didnāt know he was passing, it happened within minutes and I was with him. I think he knew the last few seconds as he told me he loved me, then passed. I will never forget it, xxx
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Thats why we all have different timelines with grief and what its done/ doing to us i knew for 7 long years i would lose her just not when it was and still is a living hell that i have to learn to live with
Both ways are so difficult in their own way. I have experienced both . They are beyond comparison but both equally devastating. A year ago I would have no idea I would be in this situation, it was so shockingly sudden , whereas with my dad who was 67, we had years of suffering leading to his passing. I was such a happy, chatty and outgoing person. Now I try my best, but it is exhausting. I am sorry you lost your wife at such ayoung age .
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You are right Andy. Whether your loss is sudden or expected makes no difference in my opinion, having experienced both. When you know someone is slipping away from you little by little it is very stressful and painful. Yes, you try to make every moment count, but when the going gets really tough that can be very hard to achieve. When you lose your husband or wife suddenly and unexpectedly there is anger that you werenāt given the chance to make the most of your time together. I have read many of your messages Andy and I think you are doing really well all things considered. Life is very unfair and no, in my opinion, we donāt all get our fair share.
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I still find this community the most - I donāt know what - but Iām so pleased to know I am not alone when I think off all of us ploughing on one way or another
Itās the sharing of our thoughts and ups and downs at a time when we want to communicate with understanding people
Iāve found it hard today because I canāt share the little things Iām doing in the house to make it nicer
I lost myself in some silly tv and then I felt like someone with dementia as when I looked round I realised heās not with me
Iāve had some good things this week
I now have at last a keepsake locket which I can touch to reassure me
I have put up the lights outside the house To cheer me and passers by up
I took something round to my stepdaughter who would not visit her Dad if I was there
He wouldnāt have that so he had to always visit her - until she had to give in when he was too ill
She asked me in for a cup of tea and handed out the tissues - it was a positive visit
What a trial his children were one way and another. He never held a grudge and always supported them
Unconditional love itās called
Iām so pleased I could give him the love he had missed out on for much of his life We weāre so luckily to have each other
He has left me with a belief that I must look after myself as he would want to look after me
My first book club lunch tomorrow. No I didnāt read the book It said it was heartbreaking Iāll just say I didnāt need that
My first volunteer meeting tomorrow as well - Iāve timed it right - Itās a mince pie gathering
Hereās to love 
of course itās worth every tear x
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Not feeling anything to do with Christmas, we were never big fans of it, just happy to have the break from work and shut the door. This year Iām alone after just 5 weeks of losing my best friend. Donāt know what to do this year. Not interested as my family are toxic at the moment, except for one suster who is keeping me going. Just want to be reunited with my gorgeous Ray as soon as possible. Not interested in anything else right now. This grief is just a complete and utter nightmare
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