I’m very sorry for your loss It’s very soon after the worst that could happen to you
I’m glad you have you caring sister I don’t know why families chose death to make life worse for you but something seems to go on in their heads
Yes it is a nightmare And I know the feeling of just wanting to be away from the pain
I aim to do 2 things a day Tidy a kitchen cupboard or put the washing on all counts As Andy on here says - Baby steps - to keep going when most of the time we have no reason to
I am so sorry for your loss at that age it seems so cruel my wife was just 56 and just under 17 weeks ago at 5 weeks it still felt like i had been hit with a sledgehammer no words can comfort you but keep in touch with your family as you come out of this stage you will get a lot out of their continued support and even just social interaction for myself its 5 days away over xmas with my oldest son we just don’t want to be in the bungalow with it being the first xmas without Sharon ,take care of yourself it gets easier to cope with everything but it takes time so like you will read many times on here its baby steps good days and bad so be kind to yourself
Nice timing with the mince pies i just had the volunteer xmas party for the local hospice had a couple of hours chatting to some very nice people got the mens shed on thursday didnt go last week just didnt want to but i will push myself this time at least its a bit more socialising and it helps take care you seem to be heading in the right direction to what they call a new normal life, yeah it sucks but we cannot go back just forward
there is something that strikes me when i read through all the stories…families,wow,some of us are lucky,but many of you are having problems with communication/support. i read somewhere that writing a letter to them rather than attempt conversation may “get through” at least writing you say exactly how you feel,not have conversation turned,or ended. maybe some problems stem from family members dealing with grief differently to us? ,who knows,life is a minefield for us now,the last thing we need is more hurt. love to all x
Its lovely to hear how you are feeling Andy.volunteering has been great for you .i still work so thats my life saver ..something i never thought id say .
Ive heard avout the shed club ..that sounds great for supporting men
I like what you say about we cant go back only forward ..
going forward a struggle at the moment,i was doing so very well,i suppose its dealing with mothers slow demise,which ive been told could now go on for weeks,and what else is weeks away…yes,christmas. i realise now that i dealt with it better last year as i will still in shock/numb,reality hit in the new year,and thanks to Sue Ryder friends,my family and friends i really did pick myself up,im sure i have said,i have been really proud of myself,yes,easy when you are swimming with the tide,things were going my way,now the tide has turned,i feel utterly selfish that its “all about me”,but thats the way i feel,mother is in her own happy little world,sleeping whats left of her life away, im in tearful turmoil again,de-je-vu without the trauma of adrians cancer treatment/cardiac arrest. maybe i need to give myself a kick and get the loft ladder down ….christmas lights? x
Please believe that it does get less ‘raw’ although of course the heartache will never go away or so I imagine. The second year for me was worse in many ways as the realisation that this is now the way it will always be finally hits. I think you’re right about the shock throughout the first year or so and of course you also have your mum’s ill health to contend with. It’s been three and a half years for me now and there are still many days when I just collapse into a heap of soggy tears and aren’t able to do much else but then there are days, even maybe weeks when I feel much better. For me one of the worst parts is that I can’t help but dwell on the unpleasant memories of cruel words I’ve spoken during arguments etc, times when I should have been more sympathetic I just can’t concentrate on the many, many happy times we had together over the 52 years we had together, it seems I’m just torturing myself with these dreadful thoughts. This website is the only place I can mention these things and I hope you feel you can say exactly how you feel on here and maybe gain some comfort from that.
weird how we can dwell on the “not so good”rather than the “good”and in 49 years it was mostly good,but i too think about the unsaid/badly said,and that was all so long ago,the “middle years”young/teenage son,lack of funds,working nights to get more money,lack of sleep. thank goodness our fortunes changed,and the last 12 years were nigh on perfect,well till 2014,and then i said/did all the right things,at the same time thinking about the unsaid of those more difficult years i think that “guilt”is one of the passages of grief? not to mention shares in kleenex! thank you for taking the time to read/reply with advice,always appreciated. x
thanks,what a day,headache from tears,tried to read.watch some tv….soon be sleep time,well,ihope sleep! friends are messaging support,as is my daughter in law,ive not kept my feelings a secret,although not as honest as iam on here. hope tomorrow i feel “happier” “normal” having accepted that mothers condition may drag on and i cant sit around waiting for the phone call,life in limboland.! i never did get the loft ladder down today,maybe tomorrow,and get festive lights out. x
1st december,gales,driving rain,so yes,ive put lights up in my conservatory,sitting room and hall,just very simple red and gold,it does make a difference on a day like this. my mood has lifted,i got out for a walk yesterday,the sun was warm,i was exhausted after saturdays “tear-fest”,onwards and upwards again. i have posted my yearly request on my facebook page,”no christmas cards. please donate to a charity of choice” my charity has always been cornwall hospice care,they really struggle for funds,everybody supports the childrens hospice ,and the adult beds are diminishing,which was always my big worry when adrian got diagnosed as incurable,fete relived us of that worry. Have you got advent calendars…choccyholics? no,not me,i did get given a gin one a few years ago…very nice! i think my sons brewery are doing advent beer boxes! love to all x
so much for the lights cheering me up,they ended up making me feel very very sad,so i switched them off…blimey how my mind is in turmoil,i have friends calling in for coffee later this morning,im sure im going to blub,they know the situation with mother,so aware im a tad fragile,the headaches,nausea have returned too,all too much like this time last year,i feel i hav e taken a gigantic backward step. hope everybody ok in our SR world x
You did have a better patch though and although you don’t know when It will come back hope it comes back when the pressure of this (???Happy !!! ) time is over
To me the whole thing looks like a lot of uphill work for the foreseeable
I’m trying to resign myself to little nice times - Times when it’s off my mind
Over the weekend I upset my daughter because I changed the subject too quickly
I had to explain that I have to use anything I can to deflect sad thoughts otherwise I’d be overwhelmed more often
Thank goodness we were physically together and we could just hold each other a comfort which we miss so much of course since being on our own
Can’t think of much to say that will help but one day we will catch ourselves laughing again
aww,thank you so much for following my story,yes,there have been better times in the last 13 months,so proud of how i managed it,which im sure i will manage again,get this drawn out business with mother over,sorry,that sounds cruel,but thats reality of situation. my friends came,i didnt blub,they are the loveliest couple,always a laugh,light hearted,they have always been here for me. i feel much better for their visit,which bodes well for me getting back out of this hole. virtual hugs returned. mandy
not many people admit to liking the wet days…you should live down here,too many wet days of shutting the world out! i love blue sky winters,dry cold, the atlantic doesnt throw that at us. im in lanzo in 5 weeks,lets hope “the situation”doesnt put kybosh on that. imust stop overthinking and deal with the week ahead,not next month! x
