i understand,i was like that last winter,even now i have force myself out,i only go if im invited somewhere,and i really want to go. have stopped online grocery shopping,it wasnt helping the “getting out”,so if i want to eat,i need to get to the shops! if only my head was in the same place everyday to how i feel i deal with day to day life,mojo please return!
1 Like
Thats whats difficult because every hour is a different feeling..i only work part time but that helps x
1 Like
There’s nothing wrong with self pity. I’m sure most of the people on this site understand. Losing your soul mate leaves a huge hole in your life which can’t be filled. I thought I was a strong person but the death of my partner has floored me. I’m two months down the line and feeling worse than before. I pray we both find peace eventually.
6 Likes
You are so right. I suppose we cannot expect too much of ourselves. One step at a time, but so much easier to say to others than to actually do. Take care and keep posting, I find it a great support both to receive others’ comments and to try and be a support to others.
5 Likes
Well nothings changed since John left. I still lie in bed don’t want to get up and face the world. There’s nothing for me to find pleasure in. I don’t know why I breathe heavily I’m not doing anything and it stops when I do get up normally around 11am. My family might be coming up instead of being happy I just think of all the extra work looking for Xmas food etc.
It’s been 13 months now but I’ve done nothing . I do try to move on but I keep falling back down into the enormous hole John left and no one else can fill. Once Xmas is over i have to face John’s birthday in January. I still haven’t found anything suitable for John’s ashes so they’re still in a grey box I got from crem. I still don’t get pleasure from anything and wish I wasn’t here. Hoping someone has answer to severe depression I ve been stuck with for years doctors don’t seem able to help. Xx
7 Likes
The depression comes and goes i am still very early days but had years to come to terms with the situation no one but the person who has lost can feel the full extent of that loss and in that you have to cope on your own but with family ,friends and finding distractions on better days it does lead to more better than worse i am a Long way off a rebuilt life but i keep on trying hoping you get that first step soon, take care
2 Likes
if your family are going to join you dont shoulder all the work, ask them to get involved,share shopping and planning,they wont be offended,and would enjoy mucking in to help,especially as they know how hard you are finding life. im 14months today,and this pre christmas feels tougher,i think this is due to the reality stage of grief and not the numbness/shock of last year,plus mother being at end of life,and has been so for 3 weeks,she must be a tough old cookie,but once that bit of my life is sorted i will pick myself up again,because i can,having learnt over the last year that we are easily knocked over,expect too much of ourselves,as @Andy63 says make use of family and friends,find distractions. take care @yewtree
2 Likes
Dear Yewtree
I can understand you not wanting to be here
I’ve been sorting today - just generally and I feel like I’m sorting my own stuff after I’ve gone I still have most of my husbands things and they are part of my life so I’m keeping them to reassure me that this is still our home and they don’t upset me
I understand about doing Christmas things - I seem to be on auto pilot on this my first Christmas and I feel that numbness as I haven’t shed one tear It’s like it’s not me but someone who looks like me
This time of day I’m feeling relieved that it’s nearly over on that one day at a time treadmill
I hope you can explain that you need not just physical help with Christmas but leading through it May be you can talk with your family about a list about who does what You sound exhausted and they may not realise that the emotional toll is knocking you for six It’s so draining
It sounds like they want to boost you up and let’s hope it does make a difference
Each little thing that is good makes the day less bad
We’re on this site for each other to offer understanding x
3 Likes
Thank you for replying I do feel less alone now. The family from Cambridge will probably be a bit late in getting here so I’ll try and get most of the things done before they get here. My other son up here has caught this terrible flu so hopefully he’s staying in bed. I keep facing John leaving several times a day but still can’t take it in. I went looking for him in the garage today because he wasn’t in the house so that’s where he normally is. I know I’ll never accept he is gone. The heating was making a great deal of noise near the tank so I’ve got a plumber coming out. But really I don’t care if it blows up. Sorry xx
2 Likes
Thank you, thank you, thank you! When I read that you listen to voicemails I checked mine and there are many from my husband who passed away last week. So precious. We’re all in the same situation here and it’s awful but being able to support one another on here is so comforting.
7 Likes
I wonder if your family could order the food etc on line from a super market you like
That would save air of energy
I don’t order often now but they bring into the kitchen which I love not having to go round doing all the heavy lifting in and out of the trolley and in and off the car Just their May beca rush to get a slot but can try lots of super markets
Good Luck x
1 Like
I mean it May be getting a bit late
morning everybody,well its getting closer to that day…how are you all? im wobbly about everything at the moment,but my jan/feb diary is filling,so in theory i hav e lots to look forward too once the door is firmly closed on 2025…love to all
i have just watched(blubbed)through “a boy called christmas”a story of grief,and hope, there were some wise words,all of which we have used on here”grief is the price you pay for love “the pain doesnt go away,you learn to live with it” “one day the sun will rise again,bringing the dawn of the day with hope” … i really wanted to share these words with friends ,but only those on here will understand.
5 Likes
Yes, all words we have heard and mostly true. Long day today. Wrapping up presents and writing cards. A job we always shared. Nigel used to pour us each a glass of wine and every third present we allowed ourselves a sip or a gulp ! As we have a large family between us, this took some time and usually involved more than one glass of wine ! Which probably explains why my brother was more than surprised one year to receive a pair of pink bedsocks 
Just not the same anymore. After the first three presents the tears were all to much so I shall have to try again tomorrow.
3 Likes
ahh beryl,what a lovely little story,made me smile…and wow do i need to smile today,i have avoided all these christmasy films on the tv,films/adverts all too sentimental,im looking forward to being with my family from 24th to 29th,but as i said in previous post roll on closing the door on yet another rubbish year. mandy x
2 Likes
So pleased my story made you smile. At least nothing can take our happy memories away from us !
2 Likes
Yes I enjoyed that happy story I laughed out loud- thank you for sharing All happy moments gratefully received
Look after your health all
I think we don’t expect to feel good with tears stress and poor nights
My sister had a stroke yesterday which thankfully is only minor and she could text today She is a new widow too and we share the the meanness of stepchildren sadly
So I checked my Bp and it needs sorting!
So look after yourselves as that very special person would want
Xx
3 Likes
im driving down to “our happy place” for lunch with lovely friends and carols in the square this evening,i think christmas lights always look good by the sea,i think this is going to be a tad emotional,last year i couldnt face it,this year i WAS lookin g forward to it,but right now…not so sure,once im in the car and there with friends i will be ok,and if i have a little blub nobody will judge me. xx
3 Likes
i did it…and yes i had a blub.
1 Like