I posted that this site may be a bit negative for me but you are all such lovely people. I lost the love of my life and soulmate as we all have on the13th July after a frankly torrid time I honestly do not feel lonely how much I miss him but I knew this would be the case. What I miss is him! I get up everyday and know he would be cross with me if I didnt just get on with things. I lost my dad 3 years ago then my mum 2 years ago so a bit of an endless cycle. I have days when I am totally overwhelmed by it and cry myself to sleep. Then I have days when I deal with builders etc just as he would expect me to. We all experience this in our own way I dont want to feel guilty that my way is not your way
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I totally get what you are saying. I feel, at times the poor souls who are still struggling years after; it fills me full of dread… I know everyone is different, but I hate reading those posts, and I then feel like there is absolutely no hope…
I just think we are all coping in our own way; well, what else can we do? I am trying desperately to cling onto hope, hope that this excruciating pain won’t last forever, hope that my Martin will comfort me and help me cope, hope that I may see light at the end of this dark, bleak tunnel…Hope is all anyone of us have… sending love to you all…
X
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Dottie that is exactly how I feel. We cope in our own way I do believe the pain we feel when very raw will go away but replaced by a different sort of pain not a bad one but one that enables us to remember. That person we loved and now have lost will never go away but we have to carry on as they would want us to. Maybe my way is not the way others feel but this helps me.
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Last night I came across the topic “partner passed away”
Ann has posted and I think it’s well worth reading.
She mentions contentment of sorts & making a conscious effort - it gives an idea of how she is coping.
Have a look for it.
G. X
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Just read her post. It does in a strange way give me hope…… I went back to work yesterday. I WFH so at least I don’t have to go anywhere; I have a beautiful office at home that Martin did for me. I had my sister in law ( who is my best friend) and brother both call at the same time yesterday. My brother Thomas ( Martin and he have been friends since primary school) I suppose we are all very lucky; we are all not just in laws, but friends. It was tough yesterday, and I’m sure each day will bring it’s challenging aspects, but at least I’m trying… love to you all…. X​:heart:
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Hi there Heather
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Of course you will be overwhelmed at times, we all get that way. One big overload I call it.
I have also felt that perhaps the site was becoming a bit too negative for me and even found it depressing. So many sad and hurting people. How much sadness could I take. But after having a rest I find myself coming back. Some of us who have been around a while do try to offer some help to the new members who feel their life has ended. We have been there and we are surviving.
I have been around for a year or two and not a poor soul who is still struggling!!!. I have a life and can smile again and try to be grateful for the good things in my life but there is still that sadness in my heart and I think it will always be there. I still have tears but why not???
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I certainly wasn’t referring to you as a sad soul still struggling? I feel that was an intentional dig at me. What I was simply pointing out; I read posts and people feel they are in the same position and can’t move on. You are correct in stating that there are many, many sad people on this site, I come here looking for hope and I to find at times it’s overwhelming… think I will take a break for a while…
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Hi Dottie
No dig, I actually agree with you. I just hope I don’t seem like a sad soul as I do my best. Sometimes I admit I feel like one but never admit it…
Some of us try to give members hope that is why we keep coming back.
I have given up a few times as I felt just like you and was becoming depressed myself with so much sadness and pain. I choose carefully what I read and what I reply to now but it can be hard to know what to say. Everyday I kept telling myself I had to have faith and hope and although I still miss my beloved husband I can say I am finding my way through the fog and do have a life of sorts. We have to be strong though and be able to pick ourselves up on those unbearable days.
Take care of yourself
Pat
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Many a time I go to reply to a post, then I abandon my text - what can I say that hasn’t been said already?
It’s very easy to “soak” up others grief while trying to deal with your own emotions.
I found this site became a bit addictive in the early days.
Like everything in life you have to be willing to put the work in , remember just go at your own pace.
Take care
G. X
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Hope I didn’t offend you, sincerely not my intention. I am one of those sad, sad people trying to make sense about what has happened. I really do appreciate posts that give me some sort of hope…. Sending a big hug….X
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Hi dottie I know exactly what you mean I fèl the same as you I got the feeling that the more you talk about your loved one your so called friends would say things like ( Theresa just pull yourself together , there is nothing you can do about the situation your in ) I felt and still do pretend that I’m OK so now I don’t go out or see any of my so called friends I have my faith and strongly believe my husband is with my mum and dad ( my dad died 3 weeks ago so I feel separated from life as it was I know life goes on but !!! I won’t leave this site and I love reading other people’s stories in a strange way it helps I have always lived with a saying my nan used to say ( there is always someone else who is going through worse) good luck Dottie I hope you stay on here xx
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Message me any time … xx​:pensive:
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I will thank you Dottie x
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Hi Dottie
No, of course you didn’t. I really do understand. I have done the same as Grandma many times and written a reply and then deleted it as whatever we say it won’t take away the pain of someone who is in the early days of grief. Clinge to that hope. One day you will find something that makes you smile or even laugh but it doesn’t happen overnight Its a slow process of acceptance.
Good luck
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Thank you x❤️
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I’ve been brave for the past few months, I’ve gotten involved with new things and new people, I’ve travelled and I’ve stayed busy. Then today a song set me off and I’m crying over my keyboard, I miss my wife too much, I cant bear to think what happened to her. In my heart I know that the best part of my life is over. Just being honest expressing my feeling right now at this moment.
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Hi everyone, having lost my youngest son 19 years ago in a RTA, I know grief, I was a wreck for two years after, and there are days, months I cannot recall, I was in the biggest black hole, the pain was raw, life seemed pointless, grey, I lost my job, my home, but I had another son and a granddaughter, so I had to live, does the pain go! No, but it’s replaced with another pain, not so raw, liveable, there will always be a gaping void, that cannot be filled, but I can now smile when I think of Steve, look at photos, recall memories, we pay a price for loving, the pain, when we lose someone, a year ago I lost my Soul Mate of 12 years, and the pain was raw again, but I know I’m on a journey, again it’s the price I pay for having loved another person so deeply, to miss them so badly, would I change not loving them ? Never, I know I will get to the stage I am now with my son, but it takes time, everyone is different, each persons journey is their own, I cry my tears, there cleansing to the soul, but I count myself lucky to have been loved, and to have loved these two amazing people, I have days which feel very lonely, I am not looking forward to Xmas, but life is still very precious, every day I awake, no matter how I feel, I remind myself my son and partner would have loved more life, another day, another Dawn, another sunset xx
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Hi Sheila
Well Put and I feel exactly the same, I accept what I do have and not what I have lost. I enjoy a chat and walk with other dog walkers and talk continually about the veggies we are growing at the allotment and that is about it but I don’t ask for anything else. I hope new members will take comfort that we do form a life of sorts again but it takes time.
Pat
xx
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Hello Caz
What a lovely post and I hope it helps new members. I agree that through the fog of our grief life is still a precious gift. We do pay a high price for having loved so much but we had the best so they must be worth it.
Pat
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I agree we can do nothing g but try and cope with each new day try to change your life eventually. Either by faith or sheer determination it will come.i am very early on this road but we will all find strength from a higher power. Take care every one
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