This is so hard

Aww, this is so hard and so very traumatic. My husband passed away very suddenly, 5 weeks ago whilst on holiday abroad. It was awful, he hadn’t been ill, wasn’t on any medication or having any treatments, he was only 68. I have a massive support in my friends, family and community but the evenings are so so very hard. I can’t watch TV, or read my book, I just sit and listen to music and re-read all the messages, book of condolence, my own journal etc.

When will this get easier? I can put one foot in front of the other during the day but the nights, I can’t do anything except sit, think and cry.

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5 weeks is very early. I still had family staying with me at 5hat stage. I also went through messages,pictures, videos every night, I found it comforting. It doesn’t matter who’s around its still lonely.
I’m 6 months in and have a mix of good days and bad days, mostly good now. The rawness eases and all consuming pain does go.

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Thank you Ali, in some ways it’s comforting to keep going through the memories, videos, messages etc, I don’t want to lose that but every night is so emotional. Think I just need to go with the flow. Xx

Yeah, definitely. I can’t think of the future, it’s overwhelming and it is easy for me to get very down about it. I focus on the day and a week or two ahead.

Do whatever feels right.

I lost my husband a month ago and it is the same for me. Evenings are the worst. I think it it because there is less going on. No visitors, deliveries, admin calls. Just quiet and TV. Nothing to distract. It’s when I start thinking about the foreverness of it. I told my friends and someone usually calls or texts me now in the evening and I have started jigsaws, anything to distract me from getting anxious and panicky.

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I did struggle to watch TV at first, especially programmes we would watch together. That has eased a bit now. Went to cinema though and saw advert for mission Impossible and I was balling, we would have so gone to see that together.

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@Jackiepadders it is such early days for you. I lost my partner 6 months ago unexpectedly. We had the funeral at week 5. I don’t think I could hardly put one foot in front of the other then.
The shock of what happened does ease over time, and the pain has eased a little. Just take things one day at a time, or hourly if you need to. If listening to music and reading messages is what you need to do to process your grief then do it. Cry if and when you need to. I still cry daily but it’s not as intense as in the early days. As you say just go with the flow x

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@Doughtyj thank you, thought I was going a little insane, good to know it’s normal for me. Thanks all for your advice and lovely comments. X

@Milley we’re in a similar position in terms of timings. Glad you’ve found a distraction in jigsaws. I’m working on a memory scrapbook ( we only had 7 special years together) so I’m cataloguing all of our good times in chronological order from our first date. That’s helping me but I can only do it in the day time, not in the evening, it’s too hard when the tears are fully flowing. X

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I have started jigsaw puzzles too. Have found they are a great way of distraction.

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That was our go to in lockdown. The 5 bungalows in our cul de sac swapped them. At the end nobody could remember what belonged to who. I used to read a book in days. I have been working my way through one for 4 weeks. He bought them for me.

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That’s a lovely idea. We were together 37 years since I was 21 so it is so strange to now be in my own.

Hello @Milley
I am sorry you have recently lost your husband. I lost mine seven months ago, also from cancer. It is awful living alone, just feeling half a person. The evenings are definitely the worst and with it getting darker earlier now, it is more depressing. Jigsaw puzzles are a great idea. They usually have quite a few in charity shops, so will have a look.
Take care xx

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