This loneliness is killing me

I have been sitting at my computer all of this morning trying to fill my time with worth and the occasional TV show, yet I am feeling incredibly lonely. The feeling is crushing in nature, with my stomach doing somersaults.

I am trying to find a way out of this, but lawyers and trying to manage his estate (I am the names executor) only make it worse.

Does anyone else feel this way?


Lights off at night, checking the doors , one of hubby’s jobs before bed - now I have to do it and it confirms I’m on my own.
Waking up & no-one pottering down stairs.
The small things you take for granted but miss so much.

G. X


I totally agree. Even just a few words exchanged while working are much missed.

I am trying to do my best by him. I got the Coop to create a tribute page to ensure he is remembered.

But the truth is, he is no longer here by my side and that really stings. Not having family nearby (they are all in Italy) does not help and my best friend is also currently in Italy dealing with her own family tragedy (young brother killed in road accident).

Life is very dark right now.

Sonia xx


Hello SSTC22, yes, the answer to your question is definitely yes. I’ve never been really keen on computer technology, but now I find myself playing games on the computer, watching films that my daughter downloads for me. I can’t watch TV because there are so many programmes I used to watch together with my husband, and I just end up crying. On another thread you opened, about feelings of guilt, I wrote that I lost my beloved soulmate the same way as you. I still live in shock and disbelief, just can’t come to terms with it, I totally understand what you’re going through, you have all my sympathy. You mentioned your family is in Italy, so sorry about your friend’s sudden loss. I live in Southern Italy, although I was born and grew up in London.
I hope it helps you to share your thoughts here, where everyone can relate. It does provide some comfort for us knowing that we all understand each other.
Take care.


I am sat here on my own again have not seen anyone for several days. Been crying loads as I cannot understand why he is not coming home how long do I go on without him. The loneliness is unbearable he used to ring me all the time when I was out and was always home for his dinner and tea as he was still working. I feel for everyone as the pain is so horrible.


Hello Jessica, I have been quite tearful today. As you say the loneliness is unbearable. I find my brain will not accept that what has happened is real. I suppose in time things will improve but I know my future, whatever that holds, will not be the future I want because my husband will not be a part of it. Only in spirit and in my heart. Take care.x


@SSTC22 Totally understand. I have a list of Sharon’s banks etc to contact, and although she passed 6 weeks ago, I just can’t even start. Butterflies, zingers, etc… yep, hit the lot - apparently its “normal”. Clare Weeks first book “Self help for your nerves” does explain it really well, and has some tips on how to cope…

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Hi Jessica. I think its quite normal that immediately after bereavement, people rush around to help, give us hugs, and ring us to make sure if we are ok of if we need anything. But that tails off, and if we just sit and wait, then the loneliness sets in.
So we have to be proactive and mix with different people, who might well invite you round for a cuppa.
I think I might have overdone it, though:

Joined three ukulele bands
Started rescuing hedgehogs
Take every opportunity of sitting in pavement cafes and pubs with my dogs and strike up conversations with anyone
Investigating doing voluntary work such as boarding support dogs and fundraising.
Joined the U3A who have many groups of retired(and bereaved) people who do lots of interesting activity.

Please dont wait for life to come to you!

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That is easier said than done, especially when you have been in a tight unit of two people who used to do everything together. Catching COVID in 2020 did not help us either and the last two years with my loved one were very much just the two of us together.

This brought us closer but meant that we did not go out much or socialise.

To be honest, I was never that much of a socialiser to start with, so making myself do things on my own will take some time and doing! Right now, what I need most is peace and rest.