I was sent this today from my step-daughter and 12 months I think this describes what I’ve been through so well
Right at this moment I’m laying in bed …12 months ago right now at this time . I was with my fiance being told that he had a mass / swelling on his Brain and would be transferred to John Radcliffe Oxford … 12 months ago today I had to ring his daughters and tell them and in 8 hours from now I was told he had a brain tumour that large aggressive and he had months to live … for the next 32 days was like living a nightmare … having the man that you love and adore laying next to you in bed knowing your going to lose … the strong …loving life … my port in the storm man that was deteriorating before my eyes … can’t believe it all started 12 months ago today BUT although I’m not a religious person I believe he’s done things that sent me little signs he’s still around and things to help me cope … Saturday my first grandchild was born and during the last 12 months I felt that I haven’t really connected or felt
Love like should or would have if he was here … but when my son sent that a picture of my grandson with congratulations Grandma … it was an amazing flood of tears and relief rush of love for this little bundle … which I believe is a gift from Stu … saying here you go start living he’s for you to get busy with …
For all of you just starting this journey of grief and can’t see a way out the gut wrenching grief this man puts it how I see it to … and although as I’m typing this I have flood of tears there not as they once where … time doesn’t heal but it softens the sharp edges …life does go on … different for ever changed but it goes on … x



Thank you so much for posting that link I found it very helpful and it describes exactly how we all feel. Congratulations on the birth of your first grandchild which I hope will keep you busy and help ease your pain. Children are a great distraction and parents are always grateful for some help. I am glad you have been getting signs Stu is still around. I too have had some signs which are a great comfort.


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Thank you for posting this link. I had come across it before but couldn’t re-find it!! Congratulations on the birth of your first grandchild and God Bless you and all your family…here and hereafter xx

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Hello Sar

Thank you for posting your message and the link. My husband and I retired in December 2016 with so many plans but in September 2017 on his birthday he started with a chest infection that turned out to be Non Hodgkins Lymphoma and passed away on 8 November. I am blessed with two loving daughters, four grandchildren and other family members and friends who are very caring. I try to be very strong for my family and have enrolled on a writing course as well as doing tai chi. The truth is though for most days my heart feels as though it is breaking and the tears are the only thing that ease the pit of sadness. I am sat here typing in the armchair that my husband used to sit in, and sometimes it does not seem real what has happened. When I feel lonely I visit Sue Ryder’s online community to try not to feel as alone but feel very sad for the pain I know that others are also suffering.

I know that your posting will be a comfort to so many people on this site as it is for me. Congratulations on your new grandchild. I do believe we are sent messages from our loved ones and I always keep my heart open. It was our 41st anniversary on Monday and whilst I thought I had carefully placed my husbands sentimental possessions in a box in the wardrobe I stumbled across two little cards tucked inside a pocket in my computer bag. I sent the cards of love to him to place in his wallet years ago. I could not help thinking he was with me albeit not in body.

Godbless to you and to everyone on this site.


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Lovely link currently only 9 weeks since I lost mum so my waves still 100 foot tall and waves very close together and yes I am holding on for dear life to stay afloat. But I know this is grief and to grieve I must have loved and to have such love with my mum was amazing for 56 years

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