Thought I was coping

Six weeks after the death of my darling wife from cancer at 50 I realise that I was fooling myself to think that I could manage ok. While on the surface I can say to folk that I am doing alright, when I close the door I’ll remember how she told me ‘I don’t want to die…’ and how much she did not deserve any of it - it overwhelms me. I don’t want to be miserable and I don’t want to suffer but what is the point? Life ahead without her seems a complete blank.

Hi Tim yes like you don’t won’t to be in this nightmare anymore, my wife passed Dec 28 since then I’m a totall zombie just aimlessly drifting, people say how well I’m doing half the time there don’t really won’t to know as there have there’re own life’s to lead so there don’t hang around to long, only have my 2 daughters but there trying to handle there own grief and keep an eye on me, I’m just totally lost plus retired last January and moved to new area.

Hi micky, What do we do? Im the same…retired. Two daughters that keep an eye on me, im 8wks in now, and it seems to get worse. Zombies the right word i think. Being retired probably doesnt help, need purpose you think? each day is a long day, everything you see, touch, brings back memories. The highlight of my day, every day is visiting my lovelies grave…John.

Dear Tim, Micky, and John, I’m sorry to hear about your losses and what you are going through - how life seems to be a complete blank, just going through the motions each day, feeling how underserved this is, and finding no purpose in life.

In the early weeks I remember being desperate for someone to tell me how long it would last. I now know there isn’t a simple answer, but after eight months I can say it has eased a bit. There are still bad days, but there are also days that aren’t quite so bad. I can’t say life feels good again, but it is a bit better than it was.

I hope you all find this yourselves before too long. With best wishes.

Hi Neil many thanks for your comment. It’s helpful to hear your experience. You’re right I do feel cheated and much moreso I feel my wife was cheated, but I don’t want to be locked into grief for evermore so good to know that you have felt better over time.
best wishes
Tim

Hi John yes like you going to cemetery is my highlight to just had the stonemasons reply and picture, so that won’t be long now felt like telling them to put my name on it as well now that would be my greatest highlight, but don’t think daughters would be happy about that, but there do now how I feel as all my affairs are in order so there don’t have to do anything, ed did the same before she passed, so I really don’t have anything left to do, Micky.

Hi Micky. Yeah, i’m the same, just finalised her memorial. An open book type, they are leaving one side for me, don’t really want a hang about to long either. All my affairs are in order too, i’ve made sure of that. Family and friends say i have much to live for ahead, but i dont buy that. Going each day on your own, only going out for food or daily trip to cemetery, and hoping family will visit at sometime, isn’t much to so call live for, just left in a house, full of ghosts and memories. …John

Hi John so I’m not the only one, agree with you just sitting waiting for phone to ring or door bell, when I do ring some one there seem surprised to hear from me or is it me,

Ive had that Micky, you ring somebody, and automatically, they think somethings wrong? Why are you ringing? why aren’t you in your chair, staring at the walls as usual?.everything ok?. And of course, everything far from ok, its just good to hear family or friends voice, and exercise your own voice come to that. So no, its not you Micky. Seems everyone has a life to live, but we dont at the moment …John

Back to top