Thought I was coping

It’s ten weeks since I lost my husband, I thought I was coping but I’m not I just want to be with him, I cry everyday when I’m alone,put on a brave face to family don’t want to upset them I know I shouldn’t hide my tears but it wouldn’t help me knowing I’d upset them,
His ashes are still with the undertakers as I can’t make my mind up of where he should go , think part of me doesn’t want to decide as then it so final if that makes sense,
Everyone is getting on with there lives which is only right they should do, but my life is at a stand still I can’t even look back on our happy memories as it hurts so much
Please tell me it gets a bit better but with Xmas coming can’t see it just yet, how do you cope with Xmas without your soulmate

Hi Linda555, l lost my husband Peter suddenly 17 weeks ago. He was 63. I too left his ashes with the undertaker as l could not decide if to stay in my home, or to move down south where both sons and families live. I still feel lost, and cry every day. Like you my heart aches for him, but this forum helps me to take each day at a time. I have no answers of how to weather this awful journey, but knowing that on here there are people whom l consider as friends, whom understand and support each other. Take care, SandraF

1 Like

Hi Linda just read your post I to thought I was doing well but I was rong I bought Alan’s aches home and glad I did it felt right he should come home but that is not right for everyone what I’m going to do with them I don’t no but there’s no hurry. some one I no still has his wife ashes and keeping them until thay can be scatterd together what is right for one may not be right for some one else but I do no there is no hurry we must just get though today one day at a time one step at a time we are standing still and everything is moving around us evenone think we are moving to but we are not just observing the rest of the world not ingaged just num not really apart of it all but there I hope we will all get though this think of you all

1 Like

Hi I lost my husband just over 3 months ago , it is just so hard and so lonely. I find that I can’t watch any TV programs that we used to watch together . I find that when friends & neighbours ask how I am I just say I’m doing ok. I then come into the house and sit and cry. One of my friends was talking about Christmas and I put on a brave face.as my husband’s birthday would be 25 th November and I can’t imagine how I will get through that day never mind Christmas. I have a wonderful family and we always had a family party on these days. This is just all so hard just now. Hopefully we will all get through this, one day at a time x

1 Like

I’m sorry Linda, I can’t tell you it gets better, I lost my soulmate on 1st April and I feel worse now than I ever did.
I too thought I was coping, I have always been strong willed and independent, my sweet, gorgeous Rhonda was my only friend, my confidant and my lover. I miss her more with each passing day.
I only recently discovered it’s not weakness or failure to ask for help. It takes more strength to admit you can’t handle it alone.
Every day is different, you can think you’re making progress then something throws you back five steps. In the last couple of weeks I’ve cried my eyes out in the doctor’s office and been referred for counselling. Last night I called the Samaritans to talk to someone who would listen.
Keep posting on this site and always ask for help if you need it, we all feel alone, even when surrounded by people. There are good people out there who want to help, just having someone listen while we talk is a great stress relief.
Prayers and best wishes, Carl.

2 Likes

it’s been 15 months since I lost my husband his ashes are sitting on my shelf in the lounge. every time I think I’ve decided what to do with him I make excuses for it not to happen. there is plenty of time to make that final release for now I’m keeping him with me. I find the worst thing is the loneliness of not being able to tell him my usual daily rubbish we all share with our partners. the kids have been fantastic but at the end of each day I return to an empty house. the pain is still there the tears still flow I know he will be up there frowning down on me screaming for me to live my life and that is what keeps me going.

1 Like

I am dreading Christmas. I think I just have to lock the doors and watch videos. No idea how anyone copes with the ‘festive season’ Ahhhhh !
I saw my lovely wife for the last time today before she went with me to the natural burial ground for a short service. She has a lovely spot in a meadow overlooking the horses and rolling hills of the Cotswolds. I have booked my slot next to her now. She passed on the 2nd suddenly at 46 years old. We were together for 23 years and I loved her so very much.
The world is going on and people see me walking around but there is nothing inside me now. The TV and news rattle on but I none of it. I care for nothing, I am empty. I have no kids or grand kids and it’s a shame we never did that. She would have been a superb mum. I miss her every second of every day and i fear for the future if I am going to feel like this forever. I am not sure how I am going to carry on but I promised her I would try.
She held me to that so I have to. Sometimes I just wish I could take a pill and join her but others say don’t be silly. I have this feeling of dread that won’t leave and I know it will never go. She was too much a part of me. As I reach for another sleeping pill I hope she joins me again in my dreams tonight. They are more real than the day I walk around in.
I have read many posts on this site and had conversations with a few. I don’t think anyone is getting over anything and this pain is something we just have to learn to live with.
If I work out how to cope I will be sure to let you all know. In the meantime I wish everyone the very best in dealing with what must be without question the most difficult thing in our lives to try and handle.
Goodnight
Nigel

2 Likes

I had a scattering tube of ashes I brought back with me from America, her children kept the box.
I knew exactly where her ashes were going, it was a place we both loved. I hope someone will take mine to the same place when my time comes.
Our bodies are just shells and are either buried or cremated. The person they were lives on in the hearts of those who loved them. All the time we live so do they.
Their soul watches over us from heaven where they are no longer in pain and will be waiting to greet us when the time is right.
Take care, Carl.

1 Like

Thank you I hope so

I’m so sorry 46 is far to young my heart goes out to you, I really know how you feel about being empty inside life goes on around you but I’m just not part of it, had my family round yesterday brother sister and daughter with my baby granddaughter the conversation was buzzing round my head but I didn’t feel part of it my smile was there in all the right places I hope,
I have so wished to be with him and I would in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for my kids and grandkids I could not put them through that I lost my dad to suicide when I was 43 he was 73 and had cancer but didn’t tell us and he hated hospitals so know the pain they would feel especially after just losing there dad
We can only live from day to day hoping to gain strength from somewhere and cope better
Thinking of you all xxx take care

Thank you x

It was mention of Christmas that had me down on Sunday Nigel, I spoke to someone about it today, they gave me what I thought is an excellent suggestion, volunteer for one of the groups who serve Christmas dinners to the homeless and vulnerable.
I can’t think of anything I’d rather do. I still feel blessed that I have a roof over my head, food and somewhere warm to sleep. My partner was a nurse and caring doesn’t stop for holidays.
Take care, Carl.

2 Likes
Back to top