Oh Sheila,you put into words so beautifully what many of us(certainly me) are feeling.Thankyou,sending you and everyone much love and peace,Corinna xx
What a comfort it is to me too,I thought I was weird feeling more peaceful than Iāve done since Royās gone.At lastā¦people who understand! Love and hugs all ,Corinna xx
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Hi Corinna, I am also in the club of the people not really bothered about this lockdown and coming to the conclusion that I am not particularly interested about things going back to ānormalā.
As long as I have my dogs to walk and I am still growing my veg and fruit I am perfectly happy.
I have actually found it has helped me as I have re-discovered a love for our garden. Last summer I had no interest. We had worked together out there so many times. I couldnāt sit on the patio. This was the last place we sat outside. All too many memories of happier days. I have always wanted to move from this town which was Brianās birthplace but staying here for months has made me look at it with a difference. I have noticed the people that wave and speak to me when I am out with the dogs, Something I never noticed before. I have grown to love my garden again and giving the shrubs some tender loving care. My home has become the place I feel safe and like being. So for me the lockdown has not been all bad it has taught me what is important. However I have also noticed that I donāt want to go out of my comfort zone where I feel safe. I donāt want to go to a supermarket or into town anymore. Have we been brainwashed.
Pat xx
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Hi ,
I think that is the thing, pleasing everyone else as they think they know whatās best for you . Before the lockdown I felt pressured into doing things and going places as was told itās good for me .
But the lockdown has given me time to myself to be able to try and think whatās best for me , and that is to do what I want to do without pressure.
If I want to just stay at home with my memories, then I will.
I havenāt got the energy to please others. So when the lockdown is over Iām not going to be forced into doing things that ā is best for me ā x
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Hainey
So glad to read your words. To know its possible to feel some peace. I am hoping the anti depressants kick in but find things are hard as ever. Your words will give hope to a lot of people. XxPam
Itās so good to read that we are feeling less pressurised to do what others expect us to do. I know it is well intentioned and I appreciate the calls and messages during lockdown but I can just be who I want to be in my grief. Itās mental health week and we are being told to talk and shareā¦well this site is the best way to talk and share because everyone here knows what itās like to be totally devastated. The best friend in the world cannot understand your grief if they havenāt experienced a similar experience.
Thank you everyone xx
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Sheila,
Everything you have said is everything I feel, Iām not a person that joins clubs just to fill my time, I never was with Tim here so why would I now.
We havenāt chose this life that has been thrown at us, we want our old life back, to spend with our soulmates, enjoying each otherās company, doing things that we wanted to do like just sit in the garden laughing and chatting till the cows came home.
I know if I tried to push myself into clubs, it would push be back in my grief as it reminds me I am on my own now.
I always get questioned am I going to move, no Iām not Iām lucky enough not to have to move so I will stay here in our house till my time comes, ppl keep saying itās only bricks and mortar, well no itās full of memories and we chose this house together when the kids were young, to move would finish me off I think .
Iām quite happy like you to fill my time doing my jobs in the house, surrounded by memories and talking to Tim, if others think Iām mad then so be it, thereās one thing Iāve learned from losing Tim is to not please others do what we want to do and if they donāt like it tough.
I have changed like you, we have to become stronger and do and decide stuff on our own, not to have that back up anymore is tough , and scary.
I wish I had a time machine too, 1986 please.
Xx
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I agree, Sheila, at the start we are overwhelmed by all the arrangements with so little time to arrange what must be arranged. This sounds rather garbled I am sure that all of you will understand what I am trying to say.
Take care, my friends and please stay safe. x
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Sheila,
I do admire you on how determined you are, youāve had a lot to deal with on your house, what with the storm damage, luckily you got Compensation, good for you. It is hard to deal with the upkeep of our homes, especially if itās big with big gardens, the thought of it can make us think how on earth are we going to do it on our own, but you have proved with determination and love for your husband and Love for your beautiful home, it can be done . With a little help from your lovely sonās.
We feel safe in our homes and trying to keep it looking nice it feels we are doing it for our lovely husbands. Iāve got a four bed house which I know is big for me and my daughter, but when me and Tim bought it, we loved the house all our girls had their own rooms and it was so full of love and laughter.
We had no plans to move, Iāve only got one daughter at home now, the spare rooms are for the grandkids when they come to stay, so that was our plan and it still is , Iāll shall stay and with determination like you will do my best to look after it for Tim .
Enjoy a couple of pages of your book and your lovely garden
Steph xx
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Can I book a room please 
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Of course madam 
I am thinking that we should all be proud of ourselves. No moaning from us about the lockdown as it is teaching us something about ourselves perhaps for the first time since we lost our loved ones.
I think I have been lucky to a certain extent as my family have never pressured me to do anything. I donāt think they dared!!! I donāt think my two children were really bothered one way or the other but the supportive family members have been just that, supportive. But I have had suggestions like volunteering in a charity shop to give me something to do???. This did make me smile as the first months, as Sheila so rightly says is a mindfield of sorting out things, dealing with brain dead people on the other end of the line. Constant phone calls, e-mails and sending things off in the post. I had his shed, loft and other things to make some sense of and endless visits to the tip (from the shed and loft)
Join groups and clubs. Not for me Iām afraid and I knew I would do things in my own time. I did join a dance class after a year but thatās fine as I love to dance. I did meet up with a few nice people but doubt we will continue meeting after we go back to normal.
I was a member of the Ramblers, just as Brian had been but found that large groups wasnāt for me at that time and I preferred to walk alone, which has helped me and still does. I was a member of an Allotment Association and managed to continued to grow veg and fruit on both our allotments (allowed to keep Brianās plot as well as my own) but I couldnāt join in with group or social activities even with these friends for the first year.
I was always amazed when members of this forum were able to immediately meet up with friends and have a social life. I asked myself if there was something wrong with me but I know that we will do what we feel happy doing and what is right for us when we are ready and being pushed is not the way. We are all finding our way and possibly learning things about ourselves. So good on youā¦
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Hi Sheila,
Ah lovely memories, thereās nothing like it to be able to sit and remember the happy times, time to yourself to think instead of being pushed to do something.
The plants will be crying out for water itās been too hot for me today, I prefer it a bit more comfortable instead of feeling like Iām going to melt .
I watered the garden at seven this morning, I get bitten alive by the blooming gnats if I do it in the evening .
It is lovely for families to be spending time together, time that they wouldnāt of had, I hope it makes people realise whatās really important. I am jealous of others though, keep thinking of the time I could be spending with Tim, he worked hard, seven days a week sometimes, not much time off so this lockdown wouldāve been special together time.
Thatās lovely you were all able to sit round the table each night and talk, when you think about today with the kids constantly on their phones , no conversation, it was lovely back in the day, more simple.
Theyāre saying storms here tomorrow, so hopefully will break the heat a bit, and I donāt have to water the garden
Love Steph x
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Yes. I have very similar feelings it seems like people just donāt understand and want you to get on with it already. I lost my father less than two months ago and my friends are done with the sympathy and now looking at me like Iām a crazy person.
Iām trying not to let it hurt my feelings and to find the strength to realize the truth which is I feel more content as you said, when Iām just with my cats and enjoying nature. I could be real and not feel like I have to explain or defend why Iām just not ready yet. So thank you very much. Youāve helped me out
Hi Sheila,Iāve just found the link you sent me! Thankyou and please forgive me for the longest ever wait for a response!
How are you doing? Love and hugs Corinna 