I have lost my elderly parents within a year of each other. I am upsetting myself with having to decided if I should treat them both the same regarding memorial options at the crematorium. I got my mum a rose bush, do I do the same for my dad. I don’t get any comfort going to the crematorium so it makes sense do something else for my dad’s memory but I feel guilty. Has anyone else felt like this.

Hi breeze, I haven’t felt that way personally but, do you have to separate the two. They died so close together can you not tell yourself the Rose bush is for ‘both of them’ (it must have taken a year to flower) and then if you want to do something else ‘for both of them’ do something else. Both gestures can be for BOTH your mum and dad instead of that’s for mum and this is for dad.

With regards little comfort at the crematorium, go there to solely cut a rose off the bush when it’s flowering and take it home and put in a vase. That will bring you more comfort I bet…

Love to you x

Thank you so much for replying and yes the rose bush can be for both my parents and to visit the crematorium to cut a rose is a lovely idea and one I will do. Thank you for helping me out. Take care x


What a lovely idea cw13. I am sorry for your loss Breeze and I do understand.

I lost my dad a year before losing my mum. I idolized my dad but I was too busy caring for my mum to grieve him so now I feel guilty for my dad how sad I now feel for my mum! Complicated…

If the crematorium does not bring you comfort, why not do nice things to remember your parents at happy times. I want to do nice things for their birthdays for example and I am sure they would approve.

Isn’t it hard! I do understand and I love to chat to people on here who understand too. It does help.

I hope you are both doing ok.

Ann xx

Hi Ann I am sorry for your loss of your parents and I understand how you are feeling. It is hard… I cared for my mum, she had bronchiectasis and was in and got of hospital a lot, so often my dad came 2nd. When she passed away I did to spend more time with him which brought us closer. That’s lovely to remember your parents on they birthday. With my mum I brought myself white roses on her birthday. I will do something for my dad too.
I am sure your dad knew how much you loved him and he would be proud of you for taking care of your mum.

Take care xx